Second Date Flake or Was I Wrong?

[pwncastle]

After a few meetings at a shop where she worked, I hinted her attraction level was high, so once I got her number, I instantly asked her out the same day & she agreed.
That evening she waited as I was 30 minutes late, took her to 3 different places, had a lovely dinner where she was amazed by my magic tricks & the people being very nice to me (I took my dates there, that's why) & sent her to her friend's house by 11:30 pm where she had sleep-over plans originally. Her friend giggled when she got off the car - it was awkward to kiss her. The date lasted 5 hours.

Texted her the next morning. Then after 5 days. With her "Hii" & "niceeeee" replies, I reckoned she was excited to hear from me & even enjoyed reading the book I'd lent her. After 3 exchanges, we went no further. She could be busy from work, I thought. That afternoon I texted if she could join with me the next day for an exciting trip to the place we talked about on our date. I knew this was a long shot since she's got work. I got no reply.

I texted later that I hadn't heard from her so I went on but would just make it up to her next time. I didn't mention I proceeded with another girl I have been hooking up with for sometime - 'twas the same girl she mentioned she'd once seen in my car when I went to the shop.

I radio-silenced her. After 2 weeks she texted she'd finished reading the book. I called her the next morning & arranged for a "definite" date. She sounded very excited asking me where we were going as I told her to bring her fave head cap & sunglasses. The 2nd date was set 7 days away.

I did what a relationship expert said that after setting a date, inorder to create more attraction/excitement, avoid contact 'til the day of the date. That day, I waited at the supposed rendezvous. I got a no show! I called but no answer, so I texted her with polite messages later.

She's 19, pretty, deep-thought & social media icon with ton of admirers. I'm in my 30's, not bad looking w/ a busy career.

Any thoughts?

 

[kronreiff]

1) You texted her way way too much as well letting her totally disrespect you with her flake no show. It shows major insecurity and desperation on your part. 2) Her interest level is well below 50% due to your puppy ways. You can safely say you blew it. You're nothing more to her than some guy to play head games with when she has nothing better to do. Very common in that age group as well. Now move on and let the next one do the texting and chasing. You might also want to read the DJ bible, it works.

 

[pwncastle]

Thanks and appreciate your insight... I could hardly see however that I was texting too much.
I traveled alot that time and had been busy so I didn't text her much. Below was the freq of my txt msgs with her:
Day 1 (after 1st date): 1 txt
Day 6 (am): 3 txt exchanges
Day 6 (pm): 1 txt (arranged 2nd date - 1st attempt)
Day 8: 1 txt
Day 21: [ 3 minute call (arranged 2nd date - 2nd attempt) ]
Day 28 (flake day): [ called but no answer ], 2 polite txt msgs telling her it was okay

I'm not sure if you'd agree but now I kinda think one cause of the flake as I was so distant and lacking communication, esp doing that no contact the whole 7-day waiting for the 2nd date; my big mistake there, i guess. What do you think?

 

[ubercat]

19 YO is flakey. Stay away from her friends and take her more adult places. 7 day lead time is too long. She will get a lot of offers over a week.

 

[old_skoolr]

You tried way too hard man.

5 hour first date was the killer for me. First dates should be an hour or two max, plus never text her after or the next day, the one that does is usually the desperate one.

Also setting a date a week away. No 19 year olds gonna remember a week in advance, her interest changes like a roller coaster. Never do that again either.

Also you should of tried kissing her on the first date, dw bout her friend your in your 30s for goodness sake.

When dealing with teenagers, just involve alcohol. Take them to a bar get a few drinks, suggest going to yours to hang and smash their box.

The dates you described are for a woman who actually has a personality and maturity, not some social media slvt.

Props for putting effort in though man, just wrong target for that effort.

 

[pyros]

1 She flakes on you and you text her, twice, to tell her it is ok...? ITS NOT OK. What da fvck?

2 you cannot set a date one week in advance, unless you're already a couple or something like that. 1 to 3 days max.

3 first date lasted 5 hours??? what da fvck again?? limit the first 5-6 dates to just 1 to 2 hours.

Anyway, she was not really into you, this was the main problem. What I listed above are secondary problems you created.

 

[ubercat]

Hey and don't take the advice too much on the chin OP. U had big bad cojones just fronting a hot 19 YO. At that age it's unlikely to be stable. So yur profit is the learning and the sex. These days teenagers f*** first and worry about dating later so next time push hard for the *****.

 

[Yewki]

Spend a few weeks or months reading this forum as much as you can, starting with the DJ bible, until you can come back to this thread and cringe with your face in your palm at how badly you played everything.

You made too many fundamental mistakes for you to actually understand what you did wrong. You have the wrong mentality. Trust me, you'll deny and argue everything as evident already in your response. Do what I said above. It'll take a lot of time and commitment, but it will help you immensely.

I'm pretty sure you won't do the above because it's actually hard, but oh well. The keys to the city are there if you want them. Good luck.

 

[pwncastle]

1 She flakes on you and you text her, twice, to tell her it is ok...? ITS NOT OK. What da fvck?

2 you cannot set a date one week in advance, unless you're already a couple or something like that. 1 to 3 days max.

3 first date lasted 5 hours??? what da fvck again?? limit the first 5-6 dates to just 1 to 2 hours.

Anyway, she was not really into you, this was the main problem. What I listed above are secondary problems you created.

Hi thanks for your insight and will have my brain digest them.

1. Saying "OK" was not entirely the message though.. it was to say, "Oh, well" then moving on. What I did was I maintained my composure as a gentlemen there and not being affected by the flake.. I did have other option after her that day anyway... I hope you are not suggesting for the flakee to burn down the bridge with a flaker who he has not slept with yet. It will only give her the idea that you have been butt-hurt and are needy, right?

2. The 7-day lead time was actually her counter-offer, since I also wasn't available on most dates in between.. One thing was I did the No Contact thing for 7 days, which was wrong!
Also agreeing to this offer I now realize was a mistake and I think I know what to do next time - turn down and later set for a shorter lead time.

3. It was 5.5 hrs at least, I was hoping for a super date that night but was having time management crisis... we traveled to 3 different cities, that took awhile.. I offered to send her home but she discreetly insisted for us to stay longer and let her friend wait... The thing was I was a bit work-tired and unfocused during the date, one reason I was late and resulting to not having kissed her.

I agree with what old-skoolr pointed out... I failed to recall she was 19, wrong target for the effort.

You say she isn't really into me, right? But is there a way now to turn this around? She still has my book, you know?

 

[pwncastle]

You tried way too hard man.

5 hour first date was the killer for me. First dates should be an hour or two max, plus never text her after or the next day, the one that does is usually the desperate one.

Also setting a date a week away. No 19 year olds gonna remember a week in advance, her interest changes like a roller coaster. Never do that again either.

Also you should of tried kissing her on the first date, dw bout her friend your in your 30s for goodness sake.

When dealing with teenagers, just involve alcohol. Take them to a bar get a few drinks, suggest going to yours to hang and smash their box.

The dates you described are for a woman who actually has a personality and maturity, not some social media slvt.

Props for putting effort in though man, just wrong target for that effort.

snipped: "...her interest changes like a roller coaster."
Good point! I like this one! Hahaha! True!

Exactly dead-on! Though, as my response to other posts, the 5-hr date was not entirely my idea, but will limit on next time even if my date would persist to lengthen it - leaving her wanting more. Great idea!

Chalk it or give the flaker another go? I still need to get my book, don't I?

Thanks!

 

[pwncastle]

My thoughts:

You were 30 minutes late THEN you bent over backwards by taking her to 3 different places and a "lovely dinner." I wouldn't do this--ever again. I keep my first meetups prompt, cheap, local, and simple. A drink or two at a local bar/restaurant for 90 minutes MAX is all you need.

I was hungry (and tired, really unfocused)... Hahahaha... Anyways, good point, mortal sin! Copy! Thanks!

 

[dude99]

Thanks and appreciate your insight... I could hardly see however that I was texting too much.
I traveled alot that time and had been busy so I didn't text her much. Below was the freq of my txt msgs with her:
Day 1 (after 1st date): 1 txt
Day 6 (am): 3 txt exchanges
Day 6 (pm): 1 txt (arranged 2nd date - 1st attempt)
Day 8: 1 txt
Day 21: [ 3 minute call (arranged 2nd date - 2nd attempt) ]
Day 28 (flake day): [ called but no answer ], 2 polite txt msgs telling her it was okay

I'm not sure if you'd agree but now I kinda think one cause of the flake as I was so distant and lacking communication, esp doing that no contact the whole 7-day waiting for the 2nd date; my big mistake there, i guess. What do you think?

Her Hiii and Niaaceeee were sarcastic. She didnt take you seriously. She saw you as nothing more than an ego boost for her ego. Proof....she made zero attempt to contact you in 2 weeks. That isn't a lady who is interested. After 2 weeks of nc you should have ignored her when she texted you to come get your book. Next her.

 

[pwncastle]

Hey and don't take the advice too much on the chin OP. U had big bad cojones just fronting a hot 19 YO. At that age it's unlikely to be stable. So yur profit is the learning and the sex. These days teenagers f*** first and worry about dating later so next time push hard for the *****.

Really appreciate it. Teenage game, different approach then... I'd rather hang out with those who are in their mid 20's at the moment... but there is still open issue as the book that is still in her possession... and it's a matter of need that I'd visit the shop soon. How do I approach this?

 

[pwncastle]

19 YO is flakey. Stay away from her friends and take her more adult places. 7 day lead time is too long. She will get a lot of offers over a week.

True, a real eye-opener and agreeing completely. I did have offers from other girls that week, she might have had too. Thanks!

 

[pwncastle]

Her Hiii and Niaaceeee were sarcastic. She didnt take you seriously. She saw you as nothing more than an ego boost for her ego. Proof....she made zero attempt to contact you in 2 weeks. That isn't a lady who is interested. After 2 weeks of nc you should have ignored her when she texted you to come get your book. Next her.

Thanks. This you said stings and lodges into my bones. Ouch! Hahaha! Excellent point!
I was looking at a different perspective as I thought I was the one who initiated the no contact dose on her that resulted to her contacting me later instead... and by her action it meant she would like to see me.. She could simply not let me know about her finishing the book as she could just leave it at the shop for me to get it.. That's the way I see it.

Well everything went the other way anyway but at the end of the day, I have to get my book, don't I? So how do I play this?

 

[ubercat]

Unless u need it for work the books just an excuse your ego came up with for contacting her again. Don't do it.

 

[dude99]

Really appreciate it. Teenage game, different approach then... I'd rather hang out with those who are in their mid 20's at the moment... but there is still open issue as the book that is still in her possession... and it's a matter of need that I'd visit the shop soon. How do I approach this?

Say I want my book. I will be there ar 8 pm to pick it up. Then next her.

 

[dude99]

Thanks. This you said stings and lodges into my bones. Ouch! Hahaha! Excellent point!
I was looking at a different perspective as I thought I was the one who initiated the no contact dose on her that resulted to her contacting me later instead... and by her action it meant she would like to see me.. She could simply not let me know about her finishing the book as she could just leave it at the shop for me to get it.. That's the way I see it.

Well everything went the other way anyway but at the end of the day, I have to get my book, don't I? So how do I play this?

Well i appreciate your glass half full attitude but even though she isn't interested, a 19 year old girl will let you feed her belly and her ego for her own entertainment. A girl this young isn't mature enough to comit to. She is currently being hounded by hundereds of despirate guys all vying for her attention and its feeding her ego. Sorry to say if you grabbed her attention she would have made multiple attempts to contact you in those 2 weeks.

 

[pwncastle]

Well i appreciate your glass half full attitude but even though she isn't interested, a 19 year old girl will let you feed her belly and her ego for her own entertainment. A girl this young isn't mature enough to comit to. She is currently being hounded by hundereds of despirate guys all vying for her attention and its feeding her ego. Sorry to say if you grabbed her attention she would have made multiple attempts to contact you in those 2 weeks.

Thanks, I believed her attraction during the first date was sufficient enough to indulge a lengthy time spent with me. Agreeing to an instant date offer, she waited when I was late, would even want to pay for dinner since it was her pay day but I just insisted she could do it next time (wrong move, there.. haha!), and buggered off her friend on the phone who'd already cooked dinner for her. Focus and planning on my side were lacking there and those were the culprits that night if I were to undergo in-depth post-game review.
If you'd only known what really happened why I was late, you'd probably understand why all of these shambles happened. Hint: it involved another girl, hahaha! I'm not telling anymore though.
But again, the date was lengthy and was wrong!

A 19-yo roller-coaster interest ( I like this, hahaha ). I think something of a better offer came up after that date which dropped the level of her interest on me. You are right, even though it would really take sometime finishing a book that thick, a Clive Cussler novel, (Wow, I should be really liking this girl now!), she should have contacted me in those 12 days, or that was the time it took her to realize she hadn't heard from me and find way to communicate. I could say that time, her interest level was already going below 50%.

But when I called her to arrange the next date, I could really hear excitement from her, I think I would know sarcasm if it were. There's no way she would reach out to me if there's nothing left going on inside her immature mind that time. And if I had played better, I could have saved the game. 7-day lead time?? and with NC in between?? Bam! Game, set, match - to the contrary. Lesson learned.

 

[pwncastle]

Say I want my book. I will be there ar 8 pm to pick it up. Then next her.

I think there's no need to announce that.. Think I'll drop by the shop if there's need, ask her for the book... and "feel the environment"... hahaha! The shop is a print-ad, btw, and she's the lay-out/design in-charge. Don't want her to think she or the book is the only reason I went there. Wow! Hey Book, you have a big part in this now. Good advice, though!