Second Choice – a young woman's V-day Crisis

[Jordache.DJ]

I am only halfway through the DJ bible, so I hope this is not one of those FAQs I should be familar with – but there is a question I need a quick answer to.

This evening, a girl I have had some fun flirting with finally explains she is dating someone ... I got the friend spiel. I told her that, of course, I was interested, but no big deal ... also that I don't really see us as friends, as we barely know each other.

At the end of the night, she contacts me to say she thinks was wrong about things. She hints her date was superficial -- and "lame." She asks me to call tomorrow to talk about it. She suggests she is crying and I suspect she is drunk.

(I should explain that these discourses took place over MSN).

I agree to call but explain that my busy schedule (yeah, right) means i will have to call late. I am not sure where to go with this. I am wary of being the "second choice" of a girl at a vulnerable moment – it doesn't *really* bother me, and I would jump at the chance to date this girl, but that won't happen without her respect.

My current plan is to explain most of this to her tomorrow. I like you, but I won't be a second choice. I need to know you respect me. Etc...

Any advice here?

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Wait at least three days before initiatingcontact with her. Do everything outside of directly avoiding her in public. If you call her tomorrow you are henceforth just another chump so easily won and in her pocket. Respect is garnered through action. How can you respect someone who subjects themself to you by running every time you call, especially if you hardly know them? Its a recipe for being taken for granted, adn a DJ never lets that happen.

 

[Jordache.DJ]

Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, I've already promised a phone call tomorrow night. How can I break that gracefully?

I was thinking of doing the call, but making her work for it. Telling her that I won't be her second choice ... but perhaps we could talk about it in person over lunch later in the week. Then cave a little over lunch. Then maybe a little more later on ...

That which withdraws is pursued, right?

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

LOL. Someone's been watching the Tao of Steve. Donal Logue is the man.

You've already given yourself the out even if you don't realize it. Didn't you already tell her that you have a very busy schedule.

Something came up. Its not her business to question you, because your time is valuable and in demand. If she wants some of that, she has to take it on your terms. This is how you earn respect and establish the dominance without which you can't date her and respect yourself simultaneously.

 

[Engetsu]

Originally posted by Jordache.DJ
my busy schedule (yeah, right)

Why lie? Don't lie about your lifestyle, it's very likely to blow up in your face and you'll have to make up another lie to cover it... They say "pretend to be busy", but the best way to go is to go out and actually make yourself get busy. Take some dance/music courses, join the gym, a martial arts class, anything to actually have a busy schedule.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Re: Re: Second Choice – a young woman's V-day Crisis

Originally posted by Engetsu
Why lie? Don't lie about your lifestyle, it's very likely to blow up in your face and you'll have to make up another lie to cover it... They say "pretend to be busy", but the best way to go is to go out and actually make yourself get busy. Take some dance/music courses, join the gym, a martial arts class, anything to actually have a busy schedule.

Even if you aren't exactly having to pencil anything in, he can still be too busy simply by virtue of the fact that he just doesn't feel like screwing around chasing some skirt who's trying to relegate him to the role of emotional tampon. There are seriously sometimes when reading a book or watching the History channel is a more productive use of your time than messing around with finnicky females.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Jordache.DJ]

Thanks for the advice, CyranoDeBergerac. I sent her an email and she replied right away .... she ate it up. Sounded more interested. And now she doesn't have any idea when I am going to call ... ball's in my court, she will just have to wonder.

As far as schedules go ... I agree that it is better to be doing rather than faking, even as a general lifestyle choice, and as a bonus, you meet more women that way. Nonetheless, no one is busy ALL the time, and there's no harm in a little exaggeration. I think being somewhat unreachable can add intrigue.

I do consider myself fairly busy, however, I could certainly squeeze in a phone call if I wanted to...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What 'things' was she wrong about?? Did she say you, or another guy, was lame or superficial? Your writing confuses me!!

 

[Jordache.DJ]

Sorry about the confusion. The lame duck was some other fellow. When she said she was wrong about things, she was referring to the initial LJBF notice. But she was awfully vague about it all.

This girl is a problem on MSN. She is a poor writer which makes life awfully confusing.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Jordache, If you are the kind of guy that is commited to one girl and youwant the same from her, I would go with what you stated...you don't want to be a lifepreserver...demand respect from her. For her to say LJBF and then retract shows her interest level is not extremely high but maybe high enough to try you out.
Let her make the decision and take the answer, either way, as a grain of salt. Ony react to her actions!!