Second Chance?

[Azariah]

Here’s the deal. I’ve been working on improving my DJ skills and expanding my horizons. I’m up for trying anything. I talk to random people on the street, I talk to girls in bars/clubs, I even set up a few internet personal ads. As I mentioned here before, I’m generally a confident and secure person outside of situations involving someone I’m romantically interested in, at which point I turn into Milhouse incarnate. I’m learning how to transfer those good points to dealing with women. In the last week alone, my confidence has been growing at a startling rate. Yes, practice does indeed make perfect.

But here’s the problem. There’s a girl on one of the internet sites who showed some interest in me. I responded too quick, too strong. It just screamed "I'm an AFC!! Pick me!!". Needless to say, she hasn’t written back. Normally I would cut my losses and move on, but I’m not convinced her interest level has necessarily dropped below the point of no return. (I think it could have been pretty high since she made the first move) Besides, what do I have to lose?

What's the best way to get the "challenge" going? I drafted an email, but I'm not quite happy with it. Here it goes:

I think I gave you the wrong impression of me. I reread my email to you and realized I sounded quite anxious, needy, dependent, and perhaps even bordering on sycophancy. It’s not who I am, and that’s definitely not the sort of image I like to project. Oops.

I admit I may have blown any chance of getting to know you, and I accept that. But I hope I’m wrong. Having said that, I’ll try again:

Hi, my name is <Azariah>. I really enjoyed reading your profile. I’d like to get to know you and maybe see if we’re as compatible as the venerable and wise emode computers seem to think we are. Having a stimulating conversation over a cup of coffee is one of my favorite hobbies. Does that sound interesting you? Give me your phone number and we can set up a time and place.

Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JohnJones]

Do you think that pointing out what you believe you did wrong will help clear these impressions from her mind?

I agree its a tough spot, though, since you have to volley to her at this point.

 

[sustainable007]

The Problem is Obvious

"girl on one of the internet sites" = Internet chat is AFC...your wasting your time..Do yourself a favor and grow some balls and go out into public...

Press the flesh

 

[Azariah]

JohnJones: Good Question. No, I don’t think merely admitting my mistake will wipe the slate clean, but it might give me a second chance. However I do think there is no shame in admitting I made a mistake, especially if I just leave it at an admission. No apologies, just recognition.

Sustainable007: Please go reread my first message in this thread. I already said I’m meeting women in real life. This is just another avenue for meeting people. My message even clearly states I’m interested in meeting her for coffee, and not chatting over the net.

Everyone: I bounced this off my sister (a fair and reliable critic of mine), and she said it was solid. She routed out a couple of grammatical errors, and strongly suggested that I change the last sentence to a question more along the lines of “Does that interest you? If so, why don’t you give me your phone number or an email and we can set up a time and place.” I initially didn’t like the idea of continuing this over email. Sis said many girls are sketchy about giving their number to guys over the internet and since you’re making arrangements to meet in person, it should only serve to make her a little more comfortable.

 

[sustainable007]

B.S.

Obviously your not meeting women or you wouldnt be doing the AFC Internet thing....Look up felcher in the dictionary cause thats what you are

 

[Azariah]

I realize I made a mistake. I shouldn't have tried to explain my position. I'm looking for advice, not approval.

 

[WatchMeWalk]

Originally posted by Azariah

I think I gave you the wrong impression of me. I reread my email to you and realized I sounded quite anxious, needy, dependent, and perhaps even bordering on sycophancy. It’s not who I am, and that’s definitely not the sort of image I like to project. Oops.

Acknowledging a woman's suspicions of you is a fatal mistake. That's like meeting her in person for the first time and saying something like "I'm not really dangerous. You can trust me."

 

[Azariah]

I took some of WatchMeWalk's advice, but not all of it. In retrospect maybe I should have, but things are moving forward. I realized I was overthinking the problem. So I did a quick and dirty rewrite incorporating some of the new "masculine/testosterone-embracing" characteristics. I didn't try any tricks or anything, just incorporated some natural C+F, with an emphasis on the funny. What I did worked, because I came home this evening to a response that she sent not 15 minutes after I sent mine. Yep, instant response this time.

She wrote back saying that she didn't write back before because she was too busy. Smells like an excuse to me. She also claimed she gets lots of responses to her ad. She didn't think that my AFC email sounded very needy either. You might have been right, WatchMeWalk. Then again, I bounced her response off my sister for an official female -> english translation. My skills are good, but I trust a "native speaker" more. She mentioned some contradictory facts:
1) She said she is/was busy three different times
2) Made vauge allusions to her other prospects
but...
3) Responded to you immediately
4) Mentioned going out for coffee twice
5) Gave you multiple ways to contact her
It sounds more to her like she's trying to be elusive ("I'm not needy either, look at how busy I am!"). I personally think she might have an intermediate interest level... but I don't have nearly enough information at this point.

Whatever the case, I don't really care. Regardless of the situation, I'm going forward by just being the "new, improved and non-AFC" me. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Either way, I'm just happy that I'm able to just act more natural. Confidence builds confidence. And, confidence isn't too tough to come by when you just believe in your self (and having a couple other women interested in you doesn't hurt either).

Hopefully this tale will help encourage other people to take a chance even if the chips seem stacked against them. Have some confidence in yourself. Believe that you're the prize to be had. When in doubt, choose action over inaction.

 

[Paradox]

Re: B.S.

Originally posted by sustainable007
Obviously your not meeting women or you wouldnt be doing the AFC Internet thing....Look up felcher in the dictionary cause thats what you are

Ok. No name calling. Is felcher a real word anyway?

 

[Starman]

Azariah..

The only mistake you made was over analyzing.

Women get lots of ad responses..sometimes they are busy..and they dont write back immediately.

But you took her lagging response time as something that you did wrong and apologized.

In a sense you were too eager ******..and you were putting her on a pedestal by saying "Is there something wrong with me that you didnt respond? Can I DO ANYTHING to repair this damage?"

Next time..if you are really interested int he girl..and she doesnt write back after a week..either forget her or write her back something funny that happened to you over the weekend..and ask how hers was?

but dont pester them about not responding immediately.