Screwed up bad; snapped at a girl who rejected me

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

So a last night, I did my third only solo approach ever, but first solo approach that actually resulted in a real conversation (not just an awkward, fumbled intro like the first 2) but it ended terribly. I had approached a girl who was smoking outside a bar. We started talking, went to the bar together, ordered our drinks, went to her table where she and her friend were sitting and chatted for a good 5 minutes. When her friend left the table to go to the bathroom, I went for the number close, but she denied me.

She said, "I'm really flattered, but I'm not interested."

I couldn't believe she had been that blunt. It didn't sink in right away. I just looked at her for 2 or 3 seconds blinking and trying to process what just happened and said "What?"

She then said, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."

I became really upset. My first 2 solo approaches over the past couple of weeks hadn't even gotten past basic introductions, but I was having a decent conversation with this girl and thinking I had a chance. I didn't understand why she had to be so blunt in rejecting me. And I snapped.

I said, "Wow, you know, there are a million other things you could have said. You could have said you had a boyfriend, or that you were moving. You could have even said that you're a ****ing lesbian and I would have been cool. But 'I'm not interested'? What the **** is that? Who says that to someone's face?"

And she muttered a few words to explain, but I didn't listen. I just swallowed what was left of my drink and slammed it on her table and walked away.

Seriously, I don't understand why it's so hard just to get a ****ing phone number; to even get past introductions most of the time. I don't understand why trying to meet someone should make you feel angry or sad or otherwise hurt you.

 

[Exhumed]

Because you're not trying to meet her, you're trying to sleep with her, and she did you a favor by being polite and direct...and then you got mad at her for not lying to you.

 

[Warrior74]

Because you're not trying to meet her, you're trying to sleep with her, and she did you a favor by being polite and direct...and then you got mad at her for not lying to you.

This. ^^^




If at first you don't succeed. Dude don't beat yourself up, you are out there trying. You can only learn and get better.

 

[kyokon]

seems like a pretty decent reply to me. if she had told you some bs about moving or whatever then you would be complaining about that instead. you cant just expect that every female you talk to is gonna want you, just because you talked to them

 

[Jaggs]

LOL wtf.

strong over reaction. she wasnt trying to 'hurt' you, and getting 'hurt' because some random said this says a lot about you.

no wonder she isnt interested.

why should you be offended because some random person isnt interested?
^
thats the reason she isn't interested anyway.

=\

 

[Proselytiser]

What Jaggs said

 

[Murse]

I understand Its frustrating but she isn't rejecting you. She is rejecting your game. Another place another time you could have ****ed her, remember that.

 

[S. Pryor]

I thought you were going to tell us she threw a drink in your face or she was just being an all out difficult bitch. I know nobody likes to get rejected, it fucks with the ego, but she told you nicely. It appears you tried to avoid cock blocking by the friend by going for the number early but that's the problem: you went for it too early. It doesn't sound like you tried make a connection with her. She probably took that as you wanted sex right away. Sounds like her ASD kicked in.

 

[Schwank]

You could have said you had a boyfriend...

Yeah, and had she said that this would be you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4faSs0mg_pI

 

[Energizer]

Yeah, and had she said that this would be you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4faSs0mg_pI

That's hilarious.

 

[Vice]

I said, "Wow, you know, there are a million other things you could have said. You could have said you had a boyfriend, or that you were moving. You could have even said that you're a ****ing lesbian and I would have been cool. But 'I'm not interested'? What the **** is that? Who says that to someone's face?"

Wow dude, you have some serious issues if you would rather have someone be indirect and not hurt your precious little feelings rather than being assertive and telling it how it is. It sounds like nothing she would have said would have pleased you, anyway.

But her rejecting you did more good for you than you may realize at first. It's obviously caused you some frustration, and that frustration is what's going to drive you to better yourself. Success won't do that for you, success builds comfort.

What if she DID give you her number and you DID end up getting into a relationship with her despite you did whatever you did wrong, would that help you in the long run, after you eventually break up? You'd be no further than where you started.

 

[PlaysToWin]

I wish all girls had the decency to respond like she did. You're reaction was completely ridiculous and over the top but hopefully you know that now. You're going to be treated far worse by less secure and less direct women (eg. those who give false numbers or lead you on and then drop you, etc) and you're going to need a thicker skin.

 

[Vice]

I wish all girls had the decency to respond like she did. You're reaction was completely ridiculous and over the top but hopefully you know that now. You're going to be treated far worse by less secure and less direct women (eg. those who give false numbers or lead you on and then drop you, etc) and you're going to need a thicker skin.

Very true.

I haven't had this kind of situation come to met yet, but I'm sure that if a woman was honest to me as she was to him about the same thing, that would only make me more attracted to her. I'd tell her that I appreciate her honesty and then say what you just wrote, and then try getting her number again, because with that kind of dialogue, you cut through SO MUCH of the bullsh*t that's in typical relationships.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

She said, "I'm really flattered, but I'm not interested."
{snip}
She then said, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."
{snip}
I said, "Wow, you know, there are a million other things you could have said. You could have said you had a boyfriend, or that you were moving. You could have even said that you're a ****ing lesbian and I would have been cool. But 'I'm not interested'? What the **** is that? Who says that to someone's face?"

And she muttered a few words to explain, but I didn't listen. I just swallowed what was left of my drink and slammed it on her table and walked away.

It's a personal habit that particular girl developed, and it's very effective. Girls deal with thousands and thousands of encounters and possible encounters by men trying to get sex. At first, they'll try to be nice to everyone and they'll keep staying stuck in encounters because most often, guys don't see all the "don't want you" signals they're flashing and women assume everyone can see them just like girls can.

Then either she sees another girl use an effective phrase, or she gets upset one day and pops out with that remark. The guy bothering her loses his cool and leaves. Now, this phrase/reply is in the back of her head as a "winner" when her radar is telling her the guy is a pushy person or whatever else that's causing very uncomfortable "do not want" feelings for her.

So, her brain starts giving that phrase more and more priority as time goes on. And, it's not like she actually filters through a list of things to say, she's emotionally uncomfortable for god knows what 1,000 reasons with you and it just pops out.

So, she said it, you completely lost her composure, her brains says "i assessed the situation right, threat removed, +1 to that phrase". Lather, rinse, repeat with the next guy who makes her feel like that.

It wasn't about you in any way, yet you took it personal. NOTHING A GIRL DOES IS EVER PERSONAL. When you figure that out 100%, you'll be a happier person. They make emotional decisions. You matched a portion of the emotional blur of other encounters and she said what she said.

It was about getting herself out of a situation that was making her uncomfortable and her brain picked the favorite default phrase to deal with it. If she was being a biatch and really thinking this out like a guy, she could have said (who the fark knows, just an example):

"dude, I was just minding my own business smoking a cigarette outside, i'm upset because my BF just slept with the village bicycle and while I was pondering if I had a social disease and why he'd go for a fatty and then you started talking to me and I felt like talking instead of wondering about herpes but then it ended up with you sticking right to me to the bar, but, I'm trying to be nice, plus not think about possible STDs I may have and now you're coming to my table, i seem to be in charge now, you're not in control of yourself and won't go away, then i'm wondering what my friend thinks about me bringing some dude to our table when i was just supposed to be having a smoke calming down after dumping my boyfriend and you're ignoring all of my 'go away' signals and while you're at the table you wait until I'm alone for a minute and go for a phone number so you can have a chance to have sex with me which is completely obviously all you're interested in, **** that, i'm not an easy piece of meat like the girl my bf just screwed, and by the way, that means I'M NOT INTERESTED"

That would have been fun, huh?

Relax. Work on yourself. Women do what they do and it's not personal, it's for an effect. Get over it.

 

[tsmith2334]

If you don't learn from this mistake, you're a lost cause.

 

[Kerpal]

Does anyone think it would be a good idea to ask the girl why she wasn't interested? Maybe you could learn something useful.

 

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Relax. Work on yourself. Women do what they do and it's not personal, it's for an effect. Get over it.

How is it not personal?

How could it possibly be more personal to than to effectively say "I'm not even going to give you the chance to get to know you even a little bit."?

I don't understand why I keep getting blown out.

 

[PlaysToWin]

I don't understand why I keep getting blown out.

That's your problem, not hers and not anyone elses.

Trust me, you MUST train yourself to take rejection effortlessly and to not care what people think. Lose the sorry-for-yourself, defensive attitude or it will hold you back for the rest of your life.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

How is it not personal?

How could it possibly be more personal to than to effectively say "I'm not even going to give you the chance to get to know you even a little bit."?

I don't understand why I keep getting blown out.

There are lots of reasons why this girl could've been un-interested in your advances.

First off, you've only made 3 cold approaches in your life. That's like hitting the gym for the first time ever on Monday and *****in' that you can't curl 100 lbs by Wednesday. Your expectations are unrealistic.

Secondly, you didn't give us a re-cap of the conversation. You just mentioned you talked for about 5 minutes and ordered a drink with her.

-----------------------------

Couples things you need to understand. In the club/bar scene many woman already have their guards up. Even though they are most likely their to get attention and hook up, they are still keen and defensive to the majority of guys who don't fit. And when I say "don't fit" it could mean a variety of factors. Looks, personality, congruency, appearance; excitiement etc.


My guess is the conversation from her point of view wasn't exciting and most importantly didn't build any rapport. This girl was somewhat comfortable with you, but not enough to give you her number.

I might be getting ahead of this whole scenario here, but getting numbers isn't really a big deal. Why? Because you have to then see if she even answers and agrees to meet up with you.

Lastly lots of guys follow a strict formula here of chatting up a HB, then going for the number. As you get more experience you'll learn to read situations better (eject when you see it isn't going anywhere); advance quicker (start making out before you even get the number) and leaving the frame for HER to chase you.


Final thought: If you ever want to become a true DJ; step one is learning to control your emotions. If you can't do that, you have no chance.


Good luck and stick around and keep approaching....






PIMP

 

[macallik]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=18400

Dontwannabeawannabe, your situation reminds me of this thread. Don't take it pesonal man. Everyone gets rejected. Please read the whole thread and then tell me what you think about it coz I think it will change the way you look at interacting with women