Screw Friendship

[izza]

So that's it.

An ex-gf who was the love of my life wanted to be friends for months. I kept telling her no because I knew she wasn't ready and neither was I. Finally, I was said OK, let`s try the friendship thing.

I let her back onto my MSN, I emailed her, I let her back into my life. We were going to hang out this Friday for the first time, but she gave me the LAMEST EXCUSE. She didn`t feel like seeing anyone. She told me she was indecisive and might call me back, I said hell no, you don`t get to be indecisive bye bye. That should have been red flag enough. I should have seen it coming. Instead, she went out with some friends to the same bar as me. AND she blamed me, ME, for canceling on her because she was being wishy-washy.

I mean obviously I`m mad at her, for one thing. We discussed this on MSN (a bad place to discuss these things because she gets to be an ultra-***** with more impunity) and I was like **** being friends with you see ya later. I blocked her, deleted her. Ladies and gentlemen I`m never talking to her again. I`m not going to email her, or call her, or message her for a very long time, I hope the rest of my life, and it is SCARY. I`m scared because I`m not doing this out of anger, I`m doing it because she`s not ready to be the friend I want. She did some things wrong but the main problem is that she`s just not interested enough in being my friend (or else she would have dropped everything to hang out with me on Friday), and happiness IS having only people who are interested in you in your life. Plus her life is a friggin`train wreck and she`s not ready to have me in it.

I`ve never just dropped a person I still love before. Me and this girl had a connection, a love, a mutual understanding. I don`t believe in soulmates, but I know what one feels like, I think! I know I`m doing the best thing by dropping this girl, but I mean, a thousand questions enter my head. Is it right to give up on someone you love? What if I was just approaching her wrong, and this is all somehow my fault? Maybe I should just wait a couple of months? Why is this girl so hard to let go? For God`s sake, it`s been 6 months since we broke up (first breakup, I`m a newbie guys ). I know I`m thinking like a wimp, but I`m really just looking to hear that I`ve done the right thing. I know you guys will have words (or mockery hehe) that I might find useful, and that will help me find perspective.

Wow, do you really think I should never talk to her again? I think I`ve done the right thing, I just pray for the self-love to keep doing what`s best for myself.

Has anyone out there become friends with exes? Anyone had a similar experience?

Izza

 

[Sexual]

I think the last thing you need is mockery.

For most guys that tend to always get caught up in relationships, it's very hard to let the girl leave your life.

Is it hard for them? NOT AT ALL, only if it seems to them like you're over her and having a good time with your life. Then they start to suffer thinking that she should have stayed with you and they they want you to feel the same so what do they do? They call you, asking to hang out. Doesn't even necessarily mean she wants the D still.

I'm getting over a girl right now and she's trying hard to cling to anything she can hold on to. It isn't easy leaving someone you felt so much more, especially if you had good sex. And there's a chance at that it seems even more appealing (admit it, it's in your guy instincts).

Advice: Tell her to not call anymore and/or don't answer the calls and delete her messages right away. If you happen to run into her down the road talk to her like normal, say you've been really busy, but you'll try to give her a call if you can. Stay nice as possible and still be somewhat flirty, you want your reputation to stay good with her friends . But as for the emotions, suck it up, man.

 

[penkitten]

ANaTural, it is hard for girls also.

heres the kicker i have learned in break ups...

there is always one person that ends the relationship and they thought it over a million times before they ended it and they have already came to terms with it in their own mind and have justified it.

there is always the other person who didnt see it coming and they are devastated and left with oneitis.

very rarely is it a nice calm mutal understanding that two people come to.

whoever is the leaver , stops the communication.

whoever is the one left , usually tries to continue the contact to make ammends and work things out.

some people learn to pick up on these things and some dont.


*** if you get dumped, do not contact the ex. it only makes your life harder and the break up harder .

 

[Sexual]

Maybe so, but you can't think that way! This woman lied to him for whatever reason, went out with her friends to what- get drunk?? Naw, she saw she made a mistake and went to forget about this man because she was protecting her heart.... What he should have done in the first place.

NEXT her man, move on with your life. You're a DJ, you don't have time to remember the good times, they're in the past! You need to make new and better memories! There's a whole world of women and they're all out there waiting for you.

 

[penkitten]

then she was a liar and he should not stand for it.
like i said, he should not call her, it only makes things worse.

 

[Colossus]

Friendship and LTRs are only compatible in a forward direction.

Friendship--->LTR

NEVER the other way around. How can you go BACK to being friends after all youve been through with this girl?

Romantic love, passion, sex, affection....and then....friends?

I hate to tell you, man, but you've crossed the point of no return.

You did the right thing by cutting it clean. (clean as can be, anyways.) It sounds like she is a headcase right now as well. The best way to get over this girl is to--obviously--remove yourself from her and remove her from your life.

Maybe she'll come around someday, but YOU have to roll on.