Scary kind of love

[pretty]

Hi,

I came across this forum searching for advice, I am in sort of a fiasco. I've known this girl for 3 years, met her through a mutual friend. I ruined my chances with her from the jump because of my ego, fastforward a month, and she is in a relationship(3 year relationship now), we got back in touch 6 months ago, and we decided to spend a night in the capital, I rented a hotel floor and we invited friends, that night, **** went down, she cheated on her bf with me, ever since then I've been head over heels for this girl, we started talking a lot and getting really deep, she asked me out on a date, the date didn't go too bad, but we ended the night with a hug. However drama happens again also because of my ego and feeling that she should be the one chasing me because I have a lot of self-esteem. Things got ruined we cut contacts for a month, I started traveling around a lot recently, and she got back in touch with me again, she kept reeling me and in and pushing me away, I got in a position where I am messing my life up for her, I am pushing away friends, I am losing focus on work, I am drinking constantly, I got fed up and told her to **** off and not text me(when night when I was drunk), to which she gets mentally messed up, and then kept texting throughout the entire night, we were 2 countries apart, I told her that she controls me, then asked her what she wanted, she said that she wanted me but didn't know what to do.

We kept in touch and it went smooth, after few attempts we finally meet up again this saturday, we both get tipsy but I somehow ended up getting in a bar fight with some guys, I was angry throughout the night, I dropped her at the station and went back to get into trouble.

Now I am ignoring her in a way, not in a way where I not respond to her texts at all, but I am distant and as friendly as I could get, and she is going mad over that, I don't enjoy doing this, but it's just how I feels, I feel like I gave up a lot for her and nothing is happening between us. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

 

[blind_one]

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE , wake up. Why are you wasting your life pedestaling that hó who cheated on her boyfriend ? Is that a person you would like to associate yourself with ? Get on with your life and cut her out completely. Move on, we will be waiting for you to join is in our road to excellence and happiness.

 

[Asmodeus]

I sense depression... The constant drinking you show, the messing up your life, you coming here looking to release it all.
And you know what the cause of that is? She is.
Yes, she seems to have done a number of you. You want to be honorable, by considering keeping in touch. But you are sacrificing your own happiness just to show you are a "nice guy"...
What do you owe her anyway? You two are done, it is not like being in each other's lives will make a difference. It is not like you two have any reason to hold up a friendship, particularly considering the circumstances. What do you gain by having her around? Nothing, the only thing she is good for is for putting salt upon that wound you have. The wound that she carved into your heart.
Leave her, and never put her back in your life again... And soon enough you will find some peace. In time every wound can heal.
She makes you weaker... Look at what is happening to you. Regain your strength...

 

[pretty]

I thank you for your replies.

That's the thing, I do acknowledge the fact that I am going way too far for her, but the thing is I am too attracted to her, I have never been this weak for a woman before, she sort of owns me unfortunately, I even met a lot of other outstanding women but I kept pushing them away because she is the only woman that I see. I am not trying to be a nice guy. I've just fallen too deep for her, it's also the same case for her according to her, she says that she is too attached to me, yeah I'm already doing what you're advising me to do, I am trying to get her out of my life by actually not caring about her as much as I used to and focus on my craft instead, but it is hard I gotta admit. She is sort of going mad that I haven't contacted her in two days, I'd really like to keep it that way until it dies, but at the same time I am constantly considering just picking the phone up and calling her.

I really mean it when I say that I'm head over heels for her, I've been having constant dream about her not so long ago, and it's even the same case for her.

 

[kronreiff]

I noticed you mentioned your high self esteem, ego, anger, liquor and drama. Sounds like NPD with the both of you. Your life is going down the drain over a girl and you seem to get some sort of gratification from the situation. You're self destructing, you've admitted that, yet you continue to same old sh!t. You need to get it together. Stay busy and away from this toxic cheating loser of a woman and get hard on yourself and take control of YOU before it's too late. No pvssy is worth your health, physical or mental.

 

[pretty]

Weeks later, and I couldn't help but talk to her again, she keeps reeling me in, she went mad since I was just ignoring, trying to get her out of my life, and I couldn't help but text her an answer "Im not up to painting the picture for you.. like you're my woman.. I've realized that i've done a mistake and I'm trying to move it along, if you don't choose to understand that, then that's on you.", she said "Okay I get you"(I doubt that)... The next day I couldn't help but get in touch with her, opened up to her that day, told her that I've been messed up, and that everything's going downhill for me, i didn't say that she was the reason, I just said it was that I felt like that I'm changing, and honestly I have and it's a reason why its been going downhill for me, because I didn't become the man i've always aspired to be, I let my feelings control me, however, at this point, we've been talking, we're on good terms. Honestly I know that our feelings are mutual.. I know this probably have been said by a lot of men out there.. But she is like no other, she isn't relationship-material, she is straight up wifey.. She's a beautiful person inside-out(what keeps me glued), she does have insecurities which isn't an issue.. Honest talk all I want with her is to live in the moments, I want to hold her down, by my side.. We already planned to vacate in summer, I'll be taking her to homecity Dubai, but atm I'm just getting the notion that nothing is happening, she is still with her boyfriend as I mentioned but she isn't attracted to him(she said), she wanted to meet me so bad last weekend but I wasn't able to leave the house since I was focused on work, she wants to go out next week though... I'm completely lost, I don't know what steps to take.

Asking me to X her out of my life is impossible, I've tried that about a thousand times, and whenever she gets in touch with me again, I'm hers.

 

[Asmodeus]

I still say she manipulated the fvck out of you... And that she is mildly sociopathic and sees you as much as a toy to play with and control as a boyfriend. Likely, looks at you as more of a toy. I know man... Trust me I know how that happens.
You blame yourself, idolize her when she is obviously a b!tch, and show all the signs of it.
She is also toying with her boyfriend in the same way. I do not think this woman knows what love is, I do not know if she is feeling the same thing you do.
Look man, wake up. She did a number on you. I have toyed with women like this before, and have flat out ABUSED them and they still hailed me as some kind of great guy in the delusion that I created in their head. And I am seeing this in you. She may not be flat out abusing you but she is doing very low level emotional abuse and at the very least exerting control.

Leave... Leave before this gets VERY bad.

 

[Asmodeus]

@LiveYourDream ... He is not drunk... This is what I was trying to tell you before... Pay attention to his case.

"I got in a position where I am messing my life up for her, I am pushing away friends, I am losing focus on work, I am drinking constantly,"
"I told her that she controls me"
She lies all the time, to both you, her BF and likely everyone else.

I know what she is and what she is doing.
This is not borderline, this is not narcissistic... Psychopath confirmed. I do not see female ones too often, they tend to go under the radar more as although they have all the characteristics they tend to be less outwardly violent then men and thus rarely diagnosed.

Pretty... You need to read this...See if you can identify with some of it.
http://psychopathsandlove.com/red-flags-of-a-psychopath/

 

[El Payaso]

You have issues.

 

[pretty]

I've dropped her few days ago, listened to your advises, I even got it on with my friend(outstanding lady), and she knows about that, haven't spoken to her in few days, however now she is out with a bunch of dudes she is sending me pics and vids on snapchat trying to make me jealous as "payback". Which is a game I really don't want to play.. Our last convo was basically me telling her that she has issues, and she asked for an explanation, she even called me up but i didn't bother giving her one, she hung up in my face to which I write to her "You got some nerves", she replies with "Obviously since i have issues", I replied "Touche".

However its been 2-3 days now, and I swear this is driving me mad, I have been having dreams after dreams about her, I have women that she will never be like in 10000 years both looks and personalities at my fingertips, and yet I'm going mad over the one that is ****ing me over.

I really want to get it out of my head and go on about my business, but I don't know how.