Scared of Success

[mfd1830]

In the past few weeks I've made so much progress in terms of inner stuff. I've totally changed my way of thinking and although it's constant work, I'm happy 90% of the time now. I've been learning and improving so much about myself. I've also been improving drastically in all my hobbies (music, writing, cooking, etc.) because I've been taking control of my free time and really sticking to things.

All of this was originally to build confidence to get girls. I feel pretty good now and feel that I could go out anywhere, start a conversation and get a number. But now I don't know if I want to. On one hand I miss sex and all the perks that come with dating, but on the other hand I know very well how girls suck up all your free time. Not only do I want to keep the free time to keep improving on other skills but more important is continuing to build my confidence by pushing my comfort level, doing things alone, etc. I know I could get a girl right now but I'm afraid that the loss of free time coupled with the possible complacency of having a girlfriend might kill my progress and even reverse it.

I know life is about balance and choosing one option over another isn't the answer but I'm thinking that I'm just not ready to date again yet. To put it in a kinda cheesy way, I feel like I'm finally becoming a man and this is way too important to risk at this early stage just because I'm horny. I'm still learning to be this new person and it's not quite "me" yet. Anybody else ever feel like this?

 

[steve_erkle]

Yeah man- i feel the same way. this is what messed me up last time.. i was doing great, completely changed my life around; then, i got a girlfriend and developed a "i got the girl, so i don't need to work as hard anymore" kind of mindset. a few months later we broke up and i had lost all the progress i'd made.

I say, if you want a girlfriend then go for, it but keep in mind that you NEVER stop striving to improving. my advice would be to write out your goals for the short and long term and even though you're not going to want to work towards them, DO IT ANYWAY. that way when you break up with the girl you won't have to go through the whole process again.

Just my opinion.

 

[mfd1830]

Dating casually is something I'd definately be interested in. So far in my experience, girls have gotten really attatched quick and I always seem to have to choose between a relationship or nothing with them. Right now the middle ground seems the best place for me.

I think having a list of goals and the practical, day to day steps I can take to achieve them would be a great way to keep up the self-improvement no matter what. It's something that I just have to force myself to do no matter how I feel. That comfortable contentness that comes with a relationship is a disease in disguise.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

"I know I could get a girl right now but I'm afraid that the loss of free time coupled with the possible complacency of having a girlfriend might kill my progress and even reverse it."

So maybe your next step (and challenge) could be becoming better is to tackle right this: To learn to take the responsibility (and to implement) relationships with girls and still being yourself?

 

[mfd1830]

That would definately be a big challenge. For the first time in my life I'm appreciating being single. I've finally made the switch from thinking girls are everything and I need one to be happy, to seeing how they should only add to an already happy life. And it's opened up my life in so many ways. Looking back I can't believe how much I've stifled myself over the years "just" because I was single. But if I can't maintain that mindset within a relationship then it means I haven't quite gotten there yet.

For the time being I still don't plan on pursuing any girls, but I'm open to it if the right situation presents itself. I hear people, especially girls, say this all the time and I always thought it was just something for them to think so they can fool themselves into thinking they're happy being single. But now it seems like they have it all right. A lot can be learned I think by female selectiveness and the mindset behind it.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

The addiction to sarging is real. And unfortunately, there are no rehabs for it.

Developing your inner game can result in things going great. You're getting 8 hours of sleep, seeing your friends regularly, eating healthy, doing good in school and at work, seeing every movie that you want to see, exercising constantly, accumulating more money in your savings account, doing things that make you happy.

Then when you get involved with women, you may need to sacrifice some of those things by using your free time to maintain your relationship with them.

For me personally it comes and goes in waves. Lately I've been doing good, so my game has been on several nights a week. By Monday I'm already planning Friday night.

However I'm going through some changes at my job, in which I will no longer be working 8-4, I will be working 4-12. This has caused me to actually consider settling down for a bit, to regain stability and peace of mind. I also have been on a spending spree and would like to put some more money into investments and less on taking girls to the movies, dinner, etc.

Do what's right for you man, ya know?

Realize a man can balance more things at once than a woman can. I find I have more success with girls who have no life simply because they are more available. Girls who are getting used to college, just moved away from home, are just not able to handle another thing on their plate.