Scared of rejection!

[line_in_the_sand]

Hi!

I've been a reader of this site for about 14 months, yes, I'm one of those who just reads and doesn't act. And every day the fact that I'm unable to act eat me up on the inside! I'm the type of guy who really understands the game, not only about women, but the social games in the world we live in. I have studied psychology, marketing, seduction and all kinds of behavior, so I consider myself quite resourceful. But...there is one problem!

You see I'm the type of guy who has been programmed so bad socially that I have very little ability to act. I've recently realized that there IS no easy way out, I have to face the pain/blow of rejection. It seems that I have a sort of phobia towards the concept of rejection (I also can't pee with other people around (paruresis)). I can't ask for a job, cause I might get rejected. I can't ask go for a girl unless I'm 95% sure she'll accept my advances. I can hardly ask friends for favors, because the "impact blow" of the rejection is something I'm so scared of that it makes me totally helpless in the moments before action. The point is that I'm more scared of rejection than the average citizen, much more. When it's so bad that I can't even get a job, I'm really stuck. I've been twisting my mind for 14 months trying to figure this one out for myself, but now I turn to you guys!

Please understand that I'm not whining, I'm asking for a suggestion to how I could become accustomed to rejection on a step-by-step basis, with some easy starts, of course.

I also would like to add that although the above description makes me sound like an anti-social type of guy, I'm quite the opposite. I get along fine with the people I know, and I'm able to make friends should the situation allow it without akwardness, which means that cold approaches are out of the question for now, even club approaches are a little too high on the chart just yet. You may ask why then am I afraid of trying to get a job, there is certainly no akwardness to asking for a job, is there? Well...I feel like I'm being pushy, even though I on a logical basis understand that this is how it has to be done. This might sound like I'm rambling, but I've got so much on my mind, so please accept my confusion. I'm hoping for some suggestions. Yes, I've read about people with similar problem, but I would like some suggestions more specific to my situation.

I'm not inexperienced with girls, I've had a couple of girlfriends and a few sex friends, but sex is still a rare event in my world because of the rejection problem, I've always met my girls through friends, and it never really lasts that long because I turn AFC. I even turn AFC when I know the game, I even know in the moment that I'm making a mistake, but the rejection problem stops me from "taking control" cause she might disapprove. To put it short, I have an emotional problem, not a logical one. By the way, I'm 24 and Norwegian, should it be relevant.

So...any bright ideas?

Thanks!

 

[Fenderules]

sounds like your rejection problem is a phobia

check out the tony robbin's tapes. Helped me deal with rejection. It pretty much teaches you how to get rid of your frears. Your fear turns into pain, so the pain grows until there is no fear. So the only way to deal with the pain (stress) is to act and thus abolishing your fear.

 

[Fenderules]

i was that bad

i had a fear of going to public places such as a grocery store or video store cause i was afraid ppl i know would see me there and make fun of me or something. (i dunno, i just thought i would look like a geek cause i'm getting groceries..lol)

I was afraid of rejection big time 2. pretty much anything and everything. I was so afraid of rejection i never really made close friends cause i was afraid if they got to know me, then they would reject me. But since i never had close friends i'd hang around with differnt ppl all the time and some ppl got annoyed. Basically the harder i tried not to look "weird" the more wierd i looked. ppl pretty much rejected me simultaneously. and when i mean i hung around a lotta ppl i mean everyone from homies to geeks. even nerds rejected me, nut cause i was nerdy then them but since i never opened up to anyone. Everyone developed their own groups and i was not a part of it, so i tired harder to get and ppl made fun of me and ****.

i was a terrible mess and had actually became extremely depressed, i was 15 at the time. This went on for a while, got a little bit better cause i started getting closer friends but i did not really stop till i was 17 in grade 12. Then i realized "why do i need to impress these ppl? why do i need to act cool? its ****ing gay anyway" and i just said "f-u-c-k it!"

 

[DeathDealer]

Whatever, you say you've had a couple of girlfriends and a couple of sex friends. And you're scared of rejection. BULLCRAP.

 

[line_in_the_sand]

Originally posted by DeathDealer
Whatever, you say you've had a couple of girlfriends and a couple of sex friends. And you're scared of rejection. BULLCRAP.

Even though this felt like a slap in the face...I somehow think I needed it. BUT, I would still like more input, thank you to those who have replied, you too DeathDealer.

I'll look into Tony Robbins.

PS: The more I read of my own post, the more I realize that I sound like a total...hate to say it...whiner. Oh well...**** it...keep'em coming!

 

[skinnydart]

I think what would solve this is... I know you're going to just love it... more rejections.

Have you tried going out with the soal purpose of getting rejected, so in a way you won't have to be scared about it because you're actually trying to get turned down. Set a goal, like 10 rejections in a night. Not only will you come away from the evening with a much smaller fear of rejection, but you'll have some numbers too, gaurenteed!

 

[Ak89]

Ya Fear of Rejection has played a heavy toll on me too. Like I am scared to take things to the next step such as going in for the kiss or something. I am scared that they would pull back and then it will ruin everything. So i just wait until they try something or until i am 99% sure she will say yes. An i hate it so much

 

[Fenderules]

yeah i was pretty bad at your age, TERRIFIED! i was afraid of all sorts of stupid things i made up in my head. like for dates, "only parties are fun..." i didnt think that the problem was............. me! and i got jelous and i was afraid to try anything because i would not be as good as other guys at flirting. So i never did and acted nice. That killed me!

now i dont give a ****. I still mess up and sound like the ****, the differnce is im not emo about it. wuts done is done

 

[Jariel]

I know a lot of people here believe that after loads of rejections you get used to it and it eliminates your fear, but that would never work for me as I have too much pride. I'd feel like sh1t and if I did ever get used to being rejected, I'd find it hard to maintain my confidence knowing in the back of my mind that I'm "the guy who keeps getting rejected".

Instead I wait for some signal of interest before I make my move and I only make my move on someone I'm genuinely interested in dating. Looking for signals and trusting them has saved me a lot of rejections, but when I do get rejected I use it as motivation to improve myself or learn from my mistakes.

When my ex- girlfriend dumped me at the beginning of this year, I was hurt and I wanted to know why. That's what brought me here where I discovered my mistakes.

Rejections suck and it's natural to fear them and feel bad about them, but they're essential learning experiences that make us wiser and stronger.