So i was with this girl i've been dating for over a month now (we're in college together) . Friday night we ended up making out, i gave her a massage, and we ended up being naked from above the waist. Thats the most we've done so far. Saturday we went out for the afternoon and had a great time all day. When we drove back to college, and I tried to make out w/ her and get a little more, she backed away a lot. She also didn't seem like herself. She told me she needed more time before we messed around, and she would even resist me making out with her (we do that regularly). We have talked about the fact that she is scared about commitment, but we connected so well saturday and had such a good time at the fair that i didnt understand why she would act that way after messing around the previous night. Do you guys and gals think she has suddenly become disinterested in me or just scared about moving too fast. Please give any opinions about the entire matter. Thank you
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
scared of commitment
- Thread starter Wiesman44
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
MrCode
Senior Don Juan
OK, first things first: the concept of being "scared of commitment" is complete bullsh*t, especially for women. If a woman says that, it is just a nice way of saying "you are not turning me on right now."
But beyond that, why the hell are you talking about commitment??? You are the man! Your job is to attract the girl and turn her on enough that you two can have enjoyable sex, and then you, as the man, can choose to commit when the woman asks! Asking a woman to commit is completely AFC and is akin to saying "you own me, should I deliver my testicles now or after the divorce?"
Also, why did your Friday escapades stop at having your tops off??? Did she give you a firm no, or did you just decide to stop?
Anyhow, here is my diagnosis: you were AFC by focusing too much on her and discussing commitment way too early, and when things became sexual you wussed out by not being the man you needed to be. Her "confusion" is just wondering why she was attracted to you at all since you seem to be such a wuss.
By the way, I'm being so hard on you because I use to think in a similar way, and the only way you can improve is to understand you have messed up and to learn from the mistake.
So what should you do now? Stop calling this girl and completely ignore her for a week at least. Meet some new girls and start dating at least two more girls before calling her again. Only once you have a few girls in the pipeline should you date her again. If she asks you can tell her you are seeing other people, but otherwise you don't need to mention it or brag or whatever. Trying to make her jealous on purpose is a weak thing to do. The point of the other girls is to make you realize that this girl is not the only one out there, so that you can start acting like a man instead of a wussy AFC with a bad case of oneitis.
Good luck.
But beyond that, why the hell are you talking about commitment??? You are the man! Your job is to attract the girl and turn her on enough that you two can have enjoyable sex, and then you, as the man, can choose to commit when the woman asks! Asking a woman to commit is completely AFC and is akin to saying "you own me, should I deliver my testicles now or after the divorce?"
Also, why did your Friday escapades stop at having your tops off??? Did she give you a firm no, or did you just decide to stop?
Anyhow, here is my diagnosis: you were AFC by focusing too much on her and discussing commitment way too early, and when things became sexual you wussed out by not being the man you needed to be. Her "confusion" is just wondering why she was attracted to you at all since you seem to be such a wuss.
By the way, I'm being so hard on you because I use to think in a similar way, and the only way you can improve is to understand you have messed up and to learn from the mistake.
So what should you do now? Stop calling this girl and completely ignore her for a week at least. Meet some new girls and start dating at least two more girls before calling her again. Only once you have a few girls in the pipeline should you date her again. If she asks you can tell her you are seeing other people, but otherwise you don't need to mention it or brag or whatever. Trying to make her jealous on purpose is a weak thing to do. The point of the other girls is to make you realize that this girl is not the only one out there, so that you can start acting like a man instead of a wussy AFC with a bad case of oneitis.
Good luck.
Well something happened here, first let's discuss what you did on friday night.
You finally made out but only went halfway in getting in her undies:
She was probably not impressed you didn't go all the way or would've been aggressive.. I dunno the whole story so I'm making an assumption.
then on Saturday.. YOU MESSED UP by rushing into intimacy again especially the day after! you didn't even give her a chance to think and assess the intimate situation.
When she said "I'm scared of commitment" that's ******** for "I'm not sure about you" I would just ignore her till she gives me a call cause right now you're on the sidelines of being booted out of the playing field.
You finally made out but only went halfway in getting in her undies:
She was probably not impressed you didn't go all the way or would've been aggressive.. I dunno the whole story so I'm making an assumption.
then on Saturday.. YOU MESSED UP by rushing into intimacy again especially the day after! you didn't even give her a chance to think and assess the intimate situation.
When she said "I'm scared of commitment" that's ******** for "I'm not sure about you" I would just ignore her till she gives me a call cause right now you're on the sidelines of being booted out of the playing field.
I agree with the previous replies. Perhaps you think you are doing right and being respectful by taking things slowly and not pushing things further, but I can tell you from my own experience, this is the quickest way to drive a woman away.
I really think you need to drop all discussion and thought of commitment and take each date, the company and the intimacy as a single event. Avoid thinking ahead at all times!
Meanwhile, I suggest taking the advice offered to you and back away from this girl for a while and show her that you don't need her.
I really think you need to drop all discussion and thought of commitment and take each date, the company and the intimacy as a single event. Avoid thinking ahead at all times!
Meanwhile, I suggest taking the advice offered to you and back away from this girl for a while and show her that you don't need her.
well guys, for one thing......she did see early on that she wanted to move slowly b/c the past relationships she was hurt bad, and she blames it on herself getting intimate too fast. She wants to keep it slow to make sure our relationship develops a bond. Well, thats what she says. She is a very honest person, and doesn't respond well to ****y / funny b/c i was talking to her about this don juan stuff. She's a very different type of girl. But I am going to agree and say I messed up w/ rushing into intimacy on saturday. I'd take your advice about not talking to her for a while, but we will see each other at a meeting on Tuesday and had tentative plans to study after it. How should i approach that ?
......oh, and each time we got somewhat intimate, i got her VERY horny, but she said she didnt want to go further......believe me guys, i know when a girl is horny.
......oh, and each time we got somewhat intimate, i got her VERY horny, but she said she didnt want to go further......believe me guys, i know when a girl is horny.
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