Scarcity Mentality and Meeting Women

[Pandora]

I was just reading a post about the Scarcity Mentality in the other forum section. The reason why most men have a Scarcity mentality is because women ARE scarce in most mens lives. We live sheltered lives where we are shut off from our communities. Between work and home we hardly have time to see our own friends. We seek a sense of connection through the bar scene. This will lead to a scarcity mentality because you are not meeting enough people let alone women. The time in my life when i was getting the most hot tail is when i was a server at a restaurant and in college.

The reason i was doing well is because i was meeting a very high volume of women almost daily. So if even 5% thought i was cute and gave up the panties then i was doing pretty well. For most cool socially well adjusted guys the problem is that we are not involved in hobbies that introduce us to a lot of women. As a working adult its very difficult to have an active awesome social life outside of going to bars (bars are a scam anyway).

Most women problems would seem insignificant if we were just meeting enough of them. My goal for the next few months is to cultivate a social life with plenty of cool hobbies that women partake in.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with this. This is a very underrated point in the game. Meeting ENOUGH women is very difficult for some men after college/university.

Most women prefer to date via their social circle (for reasons beyond the scope of this post). But honestly, how many single, compatible women are in most guys' circles? Probably very few.

So yes, while we shouldn't dwell on scarcity, scarcity is still very real.

 

[BeDJ]

The scarcity mentality is the fear of letting a good thing go and not able to find a replacement. In your scenario, I think it comes down to - Doyou have the ability to generate options? Using Work, Chore and Environment as a crutch for the inability to meet new women is, for a lack of a better term, gay. Today, we are easily able to create and broadcast any type of event we want to. One event leads to another, one social circle leads to another. You keep building it. Your hobbies? Unless it's jacking off, there are bound to be women who share the same interest. They are simply in a different social circle you have yet to crack. You can't really compare a career and working service to show the unavailability of women. We are all older, we can't be serving up Chili's cvm chowder forever.

How many single men do you know? Shouldn't there be an equal amount of females?


On a side note,
I was recently introduced to a new group of friends, containing an Ex-Couple. The woman would grind on different guys, while the ex-BF was just taking it like a ch[a/u]mp. I never understood the desperation and stupidity of dating women conveniently in your social circle. When sh!t hits the fan, MEN ALWAYS GET SHAFTED. Take your social circle for what it is.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Good plan OP. I need to do the same, my current social cirlces are filled with couples that like to do couple things. Yeah, every once in a while a single chick will enter the mix, and yeah, I'll sometimes take her down. But it wouldn't be could to soley rely on them for the quality and the frequency of these occurences.

Today, we are easily able to create and broadcast any type of event we want to.

Would like to hear more about your ideas on this.

One way of creating these "events" would be through hobbies. Wouldn't you think BeDJ? The bar scene should really be plan-Z IMO. It's been good through the years, but, as I've gotten older, the quality has gone down while the drink prices have gone up

 

[BeDJ]

Google, Faceboob, Meetup, etc. it's not very hard to dedicate a few hours a week to build, maintain and expand your social groups. It gets increasingly easier over time. The main use for events in social groups is to meet other groups OR pick up random women while having a 'home base' to recoup and recover from a string of rejections. Meeting attractive women is much easier than intelligent men.

 

[zekko]

The reason why most men have a Scarcity mentality is because women ARE scarce in most mens lives.

Good point. I always think it's kind of funny when I hear PUAs say "Don't have a scarcity mentality, spin plates instead". Because if you're talking to some chump who has a hard time finding ONE decent girl to go out with, what is his reaction to your telling him to date five instead lol?

Anyway, I think this is an under-discussed part of pickup - Environment. You want to set your life up so that you are in environments where there are always new women to meet. If you can do that, you're going to have some success, I think. Most people think "well, just go to the club". And there is always cold approach, but it is always nice to meet women while going about your everyday life. It's always nice to get a sense of who it is that you are approaching. Otherwise it's kind of like Russian Roulette.

I never understood the desperation and stupidity of dating women conveniently in your social circle.

I think about this more as meeting women THROUGH your social circle, rather than IN your social circle. An example is so and so throws a party and there are some people invited that you don't know. You get to meet women who are more acquaintances than inner circle friends.

I will point out, regarding BeDJ and Peaks&Valleys here, that it is probably a lot easier to put together a social circle of singles at 26 than 37, especially one that includes hot women.

 

[BeDJ]

Good point. I always think it's kind of funny when I hear PUAs say "Don't have a scarcity mentality, spin plates instead". Because if you're talking to some chump who has a hard time finding ONE decent girl to go out with, what is his reaction to your telling him to date five instead lol?

Anyway, I think this is an under-discussed part of pickup - Environment. You want to set your life up so that you are in environments where there are always new women to meet. If you can do that, you're going to have some success, I think. Most people think "well, just go to the club". And there is always cold approach, but it is always nice to meet women while going about your everyday life. It's always nice to get a sense of who it is that you are approaching. Otherwise it's kind of like Russian Roulette.


I think about this more as meeting women THROUGH your social circle, rather than IN your social circle. An example is so and so throws a party and there are some people invited that you don't know. You get to meet women who are more acquaintances than inner circle friends.

I will point out, regarding BeDJ and Peaks&Valleys here, that it is probably a lot easier to put together a social circle of singles at 26 than 37, especially one that includes hot women.

Plate spinning wasn't the thing that allowed me to overcome the scarcity mentality. I remember I would still get butthurt if a chick flaked, even if I had 2 other plates. I remember calculating the time to respond to texts. It was practicing first date lays religiously, seeing how far I could get. I couldn't believe the number of women that would put out given the right environment, mood and amount of alcohol. These experiences made me truly indifferent towards all women. It did take game development to be comfortable with going for a SNL and setting up a lot of dates. I will say I was an absolute chump without any understanding of the game a little over a year ago. It was with the help of this community that exposed me to what is going out there and the experiences within this past year to support it. Amazing stuff.

I completely agree that it is easier for someone in his 20's to build a social circle than someone in their 30's. After reading a lot of posts regarding the increasingly difficult task of gaming women after your mid 30's, I have been taken every opportunity to improve my social life and skills. Similarly, it is much harder for me now to meet women than it was back when I was in college. Well, I didn't advantage of the opportunity in front of me back then didn't realize how good I had it until I got older. This goes for everyone, it's increasingly challenging build social connections as the years pass. However, it's never too late to start.

 

[zekko]

I remember I would still get butthurt if a chick flaked, even if I had 2 other plates.

Yeah, that was a major weakness of mine back in my 20s. I could have 10 successes but that one rejection would get me down.

I couldn't believe the number of women that would put out given the right environment, mood and amount of alcohol.

Lol, yeah, emphasis on the alcohol. This is one reason why I can't respect women who spend time in bars as LTR material.

I will say I was an absolute chump without any understanding of the game a little over a year ago. It was with the help of this community that exposed me to what is going out there and the experiences within this past year to support it.

Seriously, I'm at the point where I don't think I understand any of it anymore. Other than the obvious stuff like don't be needy, and the masculine attracts the feminine. But all the little detail stuff and such, it just seems like complete and utter madness to me anymore.

After reading a lot of posts regarding the increasingly difficult task of gaming women after your mid 30's, I have been taken every opportunity to improve my social life and skills. Similarly, it is much harder for me now to meet women than it was back when I was in college. Well, I didn't advantage of the opportunity in front of me back then didn't realize how good I had it until I got older.

There are definitely more opportunities when you are younger. I'm one of these guys where things got easier for me in my 30s. But that's because it took me that long to get my life to where I wanted it to be, and because of that I didn't have that rock solid confidence in myself until I actually lived up to my potential.

I did well in my 20s, as far as women goes, but I blundered into a lot of things. I could see where if a guy was really the sh!t in his early 20s he might have peaked then, and things got harder later on. For me though, it got easier later on. Plus, for whatever reason, I've always had good luck with younger women. I think it's because I always knew it was possible, having observed young hotties mooning over much older men when I was still a lad.

 

[BeDJ]

Lol, yeah, emphasis on the alcohol. This is one reason why I can't respect women who spend time in bars as LTR material.

It's not even bar s|uts either. I approach in coffee shops, book stores, whole foods, etc (the lesser skank avenues) and they all turn out the same. Women that have a lot going for them, traditional values, family importance, caregivers, ethically straight edge - they still put out on the first date. I can't emphasize it enough.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3 [1]

A woman who wants to fvck you will find a way to fvck you.

If she is capable of spreading her legs on the first date - that was easy. If she doesn't give it up on the first date - why should I have to wait, if other men may have not? Falling in love doesn't seem exciting anymore.

Seriously, I'm at the point where I don't think I understand any of it anymore. Other than the obvious stuff like don't be needy, and the masculine attracts the feminine. But all the little detail stuff and such, it just seems like complete and utter madness to me anymore.

I hear you. I'm not a fanatic of integrating Game with race, politics or religion. It's almost as if there's no longer any breakthrough that anything new is presented outside of gender. I take Game in a broad sense and create my own micros through experience. The worst thing to do is developing Game that isn't congruent with yourself.

For me though, it got easier later on. Plus, for whatever reason, I've always had good luck with younger women. I think it's because I always knew it was possible, having observed young hotties mooning over much older men when I was still a lad.

Please expound on this, I am sure many members are keen to hear.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

If she doesn't give it up on the first date - why should I have to wait, if other men may have not?

You're right BDJ, sometimes girls just want to fvck. Maybe they're feeling crazy and kinda horny, and someone who knows what he's doing shows his face so she goes home with him and he gives her an orgasm. Girls have needs too. Some of these girls are more uninhibited than others.


But when it comes down to it, they're all looking for passion, romance. She wants to look into someone's eyes and feel all of the emotions...at their peak, she's looking for mind blowing passionate sex that she can only feel with someone she truely cares about. Until she finds that, she still has needs. That's life, some of them stick to their dildo, others stick to random dudes. If you're the one that she wants to make wait because she knows sex is going to be that much better....then good, you're the chosen one.

Why would a girl make YOU wait when a few times in her past she's had one night stands? Because she feels you can draw out other emotions in her. And be the one to eventually give her that mind blowing sex she's been waiting for. She doesn't want to waste it by having drunken bar sex with you the first night you meet.

That's the way I see it

 

[Pandora]

Thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate it. The reason i do not utilize social media in building my social circle is because it can become counterproductive. It can become a crutch that one uses instead of going out in the real world and making real connections. Social media can also give women a false sense of value and make it even harder to get them in real life. If you are giving women all this attention online then it translates into big ego's for them in real life. Im not saying that using technology to increase one's social life is worthless, i am just sayin that it is not a magic bullet.

 

[Pandora]

I agree with this. This is a very underrated point in the game. Meeting ENOUGH women is very difficult for some men after college/university.

Most women prefer to date via their social circle (for reasons beyond the scope of this post). But honestly, how many single, compatible women are in most guys' circles? Probably very few.

So yes, while we shouldn't dwell on scarcity, scarcity is still very real.

Yeh ur very correct. Most women prefer to date within their social circles. Even when they go to bars they most likely are only going home with a guy in their social circle. Guys outside of that circle are merely objects to boost their egos.
As far as single compatible women? I would say that for every 10 attractive women a guy knows, only 3 are sane, single and compatible.

 

[Pandora]

Yeah, that was a major weakness of mine back in my 20s. I could have 10 successes but that one rejection would get me down.

Zekko i have been thinking a lot about why 1 rejection can get a guy down despite his many successes. Its some deep seated insecurity that even confident guys cant shake. Im going to make a new post about this question.

 

[Pandora]

Google, Faceboob, Meetup, etc. it's not very hard to dedicate a few hours a week to build, maintain and expand your social groups. It gets increasingly easier over time. The main use for events in social groups is to meet other groups OR pick up random women while having a 'home base' to recoup and recover from a string of rejections. Meeting attractive women is much easier than intelligent men.

BeDJ i agree with you on some level. But facebook, instagram etc have contributed to making women feel like they all 10/10's. Guys on these sites boost the heads of these women by showering them with cheap internet ego points. Social media was not good for the dating game lol

 

[Pandora]

Good plan OP. I need to do the same, my current social cirlces are filled with couples that like to do couple things. Yeah, every once in a while a single chick will enter the mix, and yeah, I'll sometimes take her down. But it wouldn't be could to soley rely on them for the quality and the frequency of these occurences.

Yeh i feel ya bro. Hanging out with couples is ok but it gets old after a while. And ur right you can't rely on that 100%

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

facebook, instagram etc have contributed to making women feel like they all 10/10's. Guys on these sites boost the heads of these women by showering them with cheap internet ego points. Social media was not good for the dating game

It's a crutch for women. They go on a date and act like a narcissist, and the guy stands his ground. The date ends on bad terms. She goes home a little confused and posts her experience, asking for answers. All of her "friends" tell her she handled everything perfectly, and that there must have been something wrong with her date, nothing wrong with her. She was just an innocent angel going on a date with an a$$hole. Then ten guys like her story, and another ten guys hit her up on IM and ask her what she's doing.

 

[BeDJ]

You use social media as a tool to find events to build connections. Did you seriously think I was advising to add people on Facebook and talk to them??

If you're the one that she wants to make wait because she knows sex is going to be that much better....then good, you're the chosen one.

Why would a girl make YOU wait when a few times in her past she's had one night stands? Because she feels you can draw out other emotions in her. And be the one to eventually give her that mind blowing sex she's been waiting for. She doesn't want to waste it by having drunken bar sex with you the first night you meet.

That's the way I see it

I'm feeling wooooozy.

 

[Pandora]

It's a crutch for women. They go on a date and act like a narcissist, and the guy stands his ground. The date ends on bad terms. She goes home a little confused and posts her experience, asking for answers. All of her "friends" tell her she handled everything perfectly, and that there must have been something wrong with her date, nothing wrong with her. She was just an innocent angel going on a date with an a$$hole. Then ten guys like her story, and another ten guys hit her up on IM and ask her what she's doing.

There are a lot of dudes that live virtual lives online. So instead of going out in the real world they have a bunch of virtual "pus**". I know a few guys like this. Its like the show Catfish where a bunch of guys/ girls pretend to be totally different people and have an army of "online chicks".
But ur right though. It is even more of a clutch for women i guess. I mean if u look at any women's inbox you will be shocked. Even average looking women have tons of guys in their inbox giving them attention.

 

[Jitterbug]

Scarcity mentality is a feeling of helplessness, that you can't do anything about a lack of women in your life.

Actual scarcity could just be a temporary situation. You can always relocate or adjust how and where you spend your time to get more women into your life. Or improve yourself in some ways that make you attractive to more women. i.e you can do something about it.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I'm feeling wooooozy.

I know, sorry, had to go there..

Look at it this way:

What happens to a chick after YOU bang her? Do you take her out on dates?

Sometimes a chick wants to keep you around for a while. They don't want to be pumped and dumped. That's it. Maybe they didn't want these other guys for anything else.