Saw my ex yesterday and it fvcked me up

[For_F]

I work in same organization as my ex and see her maybe a few times a month for meetings and what not. Yesterday was the first time I saw her since the breakup and I feel fvcked. Couldn't sleep all night, no appetite and generally down. I was doing good these past few weeks getting out there with her vaguely in the back of my mind but that's it.

For those of you who remembered - my ex vandalislzed my car after the break up causing thousands of dollars in damage and most DJs here insisted I don't retaliate since she is such a low life and will just keep sinking lower and lower in her responses. That has been extremely hard to follow but I have not retaliated.

Im not sure why I feel so bad after seeing her. Am I still attached to her? Still love her? Or is it because she has acted and done whatever the fvck she feels like after breaking up with me. I had big AFC tendencies with her and have changed my game entirely post break up. Didn't acknowledge her at all yesterday at work felt like ramming her head through a window though.

 

[pinkfl]

I don't think you still love her. I think you are still angry and resentful. That will fade hopefully. Just stay far away, avoid contact completely

 

[Renegade357]

She sounds like a real harpy. Glad you're away from her now. Her spell will fade with time. Just remember that. It's nothing more than a temporary spell that you can't really help but be under. You allowed yourself to become infatuated which was a mistake you won't make again. You know it's not real. Like a sickness you're just going to have to nurse yourself back to health until the virus is killed. I've been there many times. Believe me on this. Eventually if you keep learning/studying your body develops an immunity.

The alternative is a life of perpetual confusion/afcdom.

 

[For_F]

I don't think you still love her. I think you are still angry and resentful. That will fade hopefully. Just stay far away, avoid contact completely

I unfortunately can't avoid contact as we meet and work together on particular projects. I am extremely resentful dude because this girl I gave my all. I only came across this site after she broke up with me but in previous relationships I can say I was naturally quite alpha in my approach. Put a hault to girlfriends disrespecting me and made girls chase me because I knew what I wanted.

My ex I became AFC with thinking at the time I was being mature, honest, loving and understanding. I was never a push over as my personality is very strong but I let her get away with so much sh*t to keep the relationship going. Many times I told myself wtf dump her but I always 'talked it out'.

 

[For_F]

She sounds like a real harpy. Glad you're away from her now. Her spell will fade with time. Just remember that. It's nothing more than a temporary spell that you can't really help but be under. You allowed yourself to become infatuated which was a mistake you won't make again. You know it's not real. Like a sickness you're just going to have to nurse yourself back to health until the virus is killed. I've been there many times. Believe me on this. Eventually if you keep learning/studying your body develops an immunity.

The alternative is a life of perpetual confusion/afcdom.

It is a real sickness dude. Feel like I have some virus when she affects me like this. If I had the mentality that I do now when meeting her I can confidently say I would not be in this mess but ofcourse I only became the man I because I was hurt so badly.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You built her up in your mind to be something she isn't. Now you're going through a withdrawal that is very similar to drug withdrawal. That is why you have these incomprehensible feelings. It will subside soon enough.

Usually in these cases it's not the actual person that throws one into a tailspin but rather it's the withdrawal from the situation and the feelings that accompanied being in a relationship.

You had to go through this life experience and you'll come out a better man for it. Take the pain and realize it is going to subside soon even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Keep in mind, you're only having a physiological response to a drastic life-change.

 

[SeymourCake]

You're giving her too much power. You shouldn't feel this way. When breaking up with someone, you should feel free as a bird who has been caged in for a long period of time. It's time to explore the world as you know it and look for better things in life.

 

[SoSuave666]

You'll get advice from people like Atom that say your feelings will subside "soon enough." Problem is, soon enough is actually like 3-8 months. In the long run, it's not a great amount of time. So it's easy for outisde observers to say it's a "short time." In reality though, every day you are feeling like sh!t.

My advice is to just relax. For every girl I've met, I've met 2 or 3 guys that have said she's not that great. Not ever girl is a photoshopped gorgeous model. You need to learn to control your emotions. When you do that, you can progress as a true don juan.

 

[backseatjuan]

Hi! This is the weekly learn Russian with backseatjuan!

Learn Russian!!!

Today's word: PIZDASTRODALETS

PIZDASTRODALETS

PIZDA meaning pvssy, STRODALETS meaning sufferer.

So if you are suffering because of a woman and you can't do anything about it you are a pizdostrodalets.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Distinguish between your feelings specifically for her and your feelings about yourself -- i.e. regret that you did X instead of Y, you should have done Y rather than Z, that you had an opportunity to do A but you didn't do it at all, that if B hadn't happened then C would have happened and things would be different, etc. etc. etc.

Part of how you feel is about yourself and what you didn't do or should have done differently. That isn't the same as loving her -- it's being upset with yourself. You will grow because of that.

 

[For_F]

You built her up in your mind to be something she isn't. Now you're going through a withdrawal that is very similar to drug withdrawal. That is why you have these incomprehensible feelings. It will subside soon enough.

Usually in these cases it's not the actual person that throws one into a tailspin but rather it's the withdrawal from the situation and the feelings that accompanied being in a relationship.

You had to go through this life experience and you'll come out a better man for it. Take the pain and realize it is going to subside soon even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Keep in mind, you're only having a physiological response to a drastic life-change.

You know I understand that she isn't sh*t. Even when I was with her I'd tell myself constantly that she isn't worth all this effort and that she isn't my type. Yes she is sexy and yes she loved sex, but that was about it. It was just so chaotic and almost addictive all the fights, sex, making up and planning a future together.

I went through hell for weeks post break up but now after seeing her it's like I'm in a state of disbelief. All these feelings that I used to have for her and how drawn I am to her is ridiculous. She wouldn't know it by the way I acted but it was really fvcked up.

 

[For_F]

Distinguish between your feelings specifically for her and your feelings about yourself -- i.e. regret that you did X instead of Y, you should have done Y rather than Z, that you had an opportunity to do A but you didn't do it at all, that if B hadn't happened then C would have happened and things would be different, etc. etc. etc.

Part of how you feel is about yourself and what you didn't do or should have done differently. That isn't the same as loving her -- it's being upset with yourself. You will grow because of that.

A lot of regret bro, a lot. I wonder though, seems like everyone would say you don't love her. What if these feelings keep happening well into next year? I will do all in my power and have been doing basically everything I can to go on with my life minus her but it's like one glimpse of her and she has me again.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You'll get advice from people like Atom that say your feelings will subside "soon enough." Problem is, soon enough is actually like 3-8 months. In the long run, it's not a great amount of time. So it's easy for outisde observers to say it's a "short time." In reality though, every day you are feeling like sh!t.

My advice is to just relax. For every girl I've met, I've met 2 or 3 guys that have said she's not that great. Not ever girl is a photoshopped gorgeous model. You need to learn to control your emotions. When you do that, you can progress as a true don juan.

The word, "subside" is defined as "To dimish to a lower level, to abate over a period of time". It doesn't mean "suddenly disappear".
Is 3 to 8 months a long time to start feeling better about a breakup? I actually consider that time frame to be very short.
I have noticed that it takes 50% of the total relationship time to feel like you're over it. For example, a relationship of 1 year generally requires 6 months. During that time as the weeks go by, overall strength starts building with plenty of very bad and very good days contributing to the average of increased healing as time passes.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You know I understand that she isn't sh*t. Even when I was with her I'd tell myself constantly that she isn't worth all this effort and that she isn't my type. Yes she is sexy and yes she loved sex, but that was about it. It was just so chaotic and almost addictive all the fights, sex, making up and planning a future together.

I went through hell for weeks post break up but now after seeing her it's like I'm in a state of disbelief. All these feelings that I used to have for her and how drawn I am to her is ridiculous. She wouldn't know it by the way I acted but it was really fvcked up.

Well like I said, you crave how the relationship made you feel, not her specifically. A relationship with a woman tends to scratch a man where he itches. When that suddenly disappears it's a shock to the core.
Take heart... feeling like things will never normalize is an illusion. Force yourself to socialize and don't become a hermit. That will go a long way toward healing.
Just accept that it will take a little time to heal. Grief is an inescapable human process that we all must go through from time to time, and it's simply your turn right now. It WILL pass, and you will look back on this from an entirely different perspective, because you will have learned from it and also because your life circumstances and priorities will be different.
What's going on is natural and your perceptions are not reality necessarily. How you feel right now is not permanent even though it seems like it is.

 

[VladPatton]

Just realize that you dodged a major bullet. No, a phucking missile by getting out of this relationship. Yeah you're wounded, but you'll live to come home from the war. The ride home sucks, it's bumpy, no comfort and your wounds hurt like hell, but when you finally reach civilization and see yourself out of harm's way you are home free and safe.

Her good looks and sexiness are magnets into a deep abyss of liquid sh!t, so don't let them get to you because they phucked you over once before. Picture her taking that pretty face off when she goes home revealing nothing but true ugliness underneath. Sexiness? Pfft..that literally grows on trees in Eastern Europe, South America, here, it's nothing special, there are hot girls everywhere, man, and you should try and go out and be social to escape your head.

I really don't think you are doing bad since you proved she doesn't faze you during that meeting. That was big hurdle #1. If you did it once you can do it again, and again. Good luck man.

 

[For_F]

I've read and heard that bad break ups with co-workers often takes double the time to recover from then other ones. I get the most sickest feeling when I have to schedule ameeting with her often a week or two in advanced. This was the first encounter since we were finished so I know it would have been fairly uncomfortable for me not just on the day but for days prior.

I know I can't really control the fact that I have to see her and interact with her so I'm holding onto the belief that with each meeting and each day that goes past, I'll improve dramatically.

As for socializing and getting on with my life, I've been doing that. Have had sex with different women since the break up and have gotten dozens of numbers. I feel like a b*tch saying this but I almost feel how a slvt would in that - I can meet women and have sexual relations or encounters but that's where it stops. I've met a few hb7+ girls with what I thought great and compatible personalities but they ALL flaked. Only the slvts don't flake or women with nothing going for them i.e. Unemployed, little education, little ambition and destructive past relationships with men.

IM not looking for another committed relationship, the thought of it makes me sick but I don't want to base my female interactions with ho3s.

 

[SoSuave666]

The word, "subside" is defined as "To dimish to a lower level, to abate over a period of time". It doesn't mean "suddenly disappear".
Is 3 to 8 months a long time to start feeling better about a breakup? I actually consider that time frame to be very short.
I have noticed that it takes 50% of the total relationship time to feel like you're over it. For example, a relationship of 1 year generally requires 6 months. During that time as the weeks go by, overall strength starts building with plenty of very bad and very good days contributing to the average of increased healing as time passes.

The problem with attributing ANY amount of time for recovery is that your expectations are set. My advice is to just relax and live your life. There is no set 'time frame' for recovery. Sh!t doesn't work that way. Every person/relationship is different.

 

[good looking loser]

I work in same organization as my ex and see her maybe a few times a month for meetings and what not. Yesterday was the first time I saw her since the breakup and I feel fvcked. Couldn't sleep all night, no appetite and generally down. I was doing good these past few weeks getting out there with her vaguely in the back of my mind but that's it.

For those of you who remembered - my ex vandalislzed my car after the break up causing thousands of dollars in damage and most DJs here insisted I don't retaliate since she is such a low life and will just keep sinking lower and lower in her responses. That has been extremely hard to follow but I have not retaliated.

Im not sure why I feel so bad after seeing her. Am I still attached to her? Still love her? Or is it because she has acted and done whatever the fvck she feels like after breaking up with me. I had big AFC tendencies with her and have changed my game entirely post break up. Didn't acknowledge her at all yesterday at work felt like ramming her head through a window though.

sorry about that
we all have 1 or 2 of those (not nearly as bad)
im sure you know that she was very emotionally unhealthy and your future with her was probably worse than however you felt last night
distract yourself for a couple days-- hit on girls with POF and try to get laid, that'll kill any sexual neediness you might be feeling and you wont have to go out (if you dont want to)

hang in there

 

[bigneil]

I unfortunately can't avoid contact as we meet and work together on particular projects.

How can she have a job if she vandalized your car? If a man gives a woman a bad feeling he can be terminated at work.

When someone really hurts us, it often makes us want to get them just undo the damage. Inflicting pain is one of the keys to seduction. But if we get her back in bed we often learn she doesn't turn us on anymore. Subconciously we still know.