Sarging work with women over 30??

[Thomas94305]

Fellow DJs... Does true sarging work with women over 30? I'm considering sarging in the sense of going to a club or whatever, talking with different women, walking away with numbers, etc. An alternative is knowing women for an extended period of time in my social circle, and developing from there; I'm excluding that from sarging for this thread.

I've been applying the DJ stuff for the past year. When I put my mind to it, I can get about a phone number a week. I'll often go salsa dancing to meet new women, sometimes I'll meet new women at a coffee shop I frequent. I'm finding it's very easy to get from a hello to a phone number/email. It's very hard to get from contact info to actual dating; even just a date or two to know a little better. Whether or not she's physically attractive doesn't seem to affect results much.

However, I've known people from social networks for a long time. And, I've had some very strong romantic attachments grow out of that. And, I can date very attractive women that way.

I know the obvious answer is to go for the social network, since it works. But, we're talking about picking from a very limited pool of women and playing a waiting game, whereas sarging opens up hundreds or more women to me. The limited selection of the social network often leads to one-itus, and being alone for extended periods waiting for the next one.

What's your experiences on sarging with women over 30? Has it worked for you, and if so, what are the key things? Is there a bigger burden of trust here given the age, and how does one navigate that? Are there other sticky issues to know about? The 5 minute conversation, then asking for contact info doesn't get me to actual dating very often, even though that's recommended by Deangelo, etc. What about you?

 

[Desdinova]

What's your experiences on sarging with women over 30?

One word.... pointless.

Not sure what your age is, but I've found that single women over 30 are carrying some heavy baggage and have issues. These women usually have one or more of the following:

- A hatred toward men because of (from her view) getting screwed over many times
- Children
- They hear their biological clock ticking and NEED to get married

If you're going to date women who are 30 plus, be cautious. Younger women tend to have less baggage because of their age and less dating experience.

 

[Vulpine]

I didn't want to say it in that many words, but since the seal has been broken, that's been my experience also.

Women over 30 have formulated a shopping list that noone (with any shred of self respect) can ever dream of filling.

So far as I've seen, the term "old maid" is a flashing neon sign in their heads after they turn 30. Rather than blaming themselves for sucking, they try to put out the flashing sign by sitting on the couch eating chocolate and ice cream... reading romance novels... nursing their hatred of men... strapping on extra fat rolls. See swampwiz's thread about the hate message from the 40 year old on match.com for extra insight.

I've been at a crossroads myself. I don't want to play the baby games. Thinking older women would be less exertion, I'm proven to be quite wrong in this regard. For lack of a better word, younger women are "happier". And, when trying to be with women, we are ultimately seeking to enhance our "happiness", right? Well, the over 30 crowd are generally soul-suckers and joy stealers with vendettas.:nervous:

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

One word.... pointless.

Not sure what your age is, but I've found that single women over 30 are carrying some heavy baggage and have issues. These women usually have one or more of the following:

- A hatred toward men because of (from her view) getting screwed over many times
- Children
- They hear their biological clock ticking and NEED to get married

If you're going to date women who are 30 plus, be cautious. Younger women tend to have less baggage because of their age and less dating experience.

Age has little to do with it. Why the heck are you going after women with issues?

 

[Vulpine]

A lot of the baggage doesn't surface until you've wasted a lot of time and effort. We all have little quirks, and we write off these little clues as "unique characteristics" until later when we realize the little quirks were pieces in a big jacked-up puzzle and put it together. Just as we get better honing our skills, women get better at concealing their flaws or "being on their best behavior". Then, when they are comfy with you and think you're in their pocket, they start letting stuff slip. "Oh, those pills are for my dog." "Hey, can you give me a ride to the city/county building?" "Why don't you like licking my boots like my last bf?"

You've been there right? I mean, 38, you had to have been blind-sided by some wacky stuff at least once.

Dude, I was seeing this chick who was 32. Everything was going great initially, but things started getting heavy and less than pleasant. Then one night she was making dinner, stopped chopping whatever it was, and started staring at the knife in her hand - for maybe 5-10 seconds. Why did that strike me as goofy?

Later, I got her naked and gave her one of the full body sexin' treatments. I found two cuts. "What happened here?" "...Damn cat freaked out on me."
The cuts were straight and clean, not jagged and uneven like a cat scratches, but that really didn't strike me until later.

I don't know the how's and why's of me catching on to her being a cutter, but I did. She got into counselling, and I got the fux out of there. It turned out she was sexually abused young, was divorced, and was emotionally abused by her previous husband. People aren't going to just offer this information in casual conversation. She had been a cutter since she was abused as a child. Practice makes perfect right? She did a great job of hiding it.

:crazy:

 

[Thomas94305]

C'mon.. this isn't a rant thread

Guys, guys, guys.. I understand there's all these issues. If you want to start a separate thread on rants about women over 30, knock yourself out. But, you're not giving me anything to use. They carry baggage about us, now you guys are showing baggage about them. I validate your complaints, but it's not moving me forward.

My particular problem is how to best approach these women initially so that I can pull off first dates with them reliably. I'll deal with their issues as they come, but that's after dating gets started. I just want to have a greater stable of women to select from. Hopefully, better sarging will give me this.

PLEASE tell me your experiences and thoughts about what does work in sarging women in early to mid 30's. Sarging means cold approaching, getting contact info in a short period of time, and following up with dating in the next week or two. How do you pull that off with any sort of reliability?

PLEASE take random ranting elsewhere.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Teenie boppers fall for lines, grown women don't. That's about it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Dude, I was seeing this chick who was 32. Everything was going great initially, but things started getting heavy and less than pleasant. Then one night she was making dinner, stopped chopping whatever it was, and started staring at the knife in her hand - for maybe 5-10 seconds. Why did that strike me as goofy?

Later, I got her naked and gave her one of the full body sexin' treatments. I found two cuts. "What happened here?" "...Damn cat freaked out on me."
The cuts were straight and clean, not jagged and uneven like a cat scratches, but that really didn't strike me until later.

I don't know the how's and why's of me catching on to her being a cutter, but I did. She got into counselling, and I got the fux out of there. It turned out she was sexually abused young, was divorced, and was emotionally abused by her previous husband. People aren't going to just offer this information in casual conversation. She had been a cutter since she was abused as a child. Practice makes perfect right? She did a great job of hiding it.

:crazy:

Vulpine...rather than bunch all older women into one group there is something far more pressing you need to consider. Women who cut themselves typically have Borderline Personality Disorder. It's a very nasty thing to deal with. I know this because my ex husband has it. Once I realized he was nuts I did some serious soul searching. I did NOT want to end up repeating the same mistake again. You really should do the same thing. If you are attracted to a nutcase it's really a waste of time to relive and recall all the messed up things they did because you have already figured out they are bug sh*t crazy. What you need to be doing is figuring out why on earth you were attracted to a nutjob in the first place. If you don't hold yourself accountable for the mistakes you make and adjust things accordingly you end up wasting a hell of a lot of time and energy and just end up making the same mistakes over again.

The traits you describe of this particular woman has absolutely NOTHING to do with her age and everything to do with the fact that she has a psychological disorder that presents itself by the teenage years. Since this disorder sometimes subsides to an extent as the person gets older, that kind of behavior is actually far more frequent the younger a woman is.

It's a good policy to avoid crazy women, regardless of age. It's a good policy to avoid women who use men, cheat, mistreat men or are emotional terrorists as well. It's also a good policy to pay closer attention to quality traits in women you find attractive regardless of their age or whatever other group they fit in because you find a hell of a lot more of the wrong kind of women than the right kind. If you're attracted to her and she is a high quality woman who treats you well and behaves in a manner deserving of respect then her age and whether or not she has kids or her parents got divorced shouldn't be cause to avoid her. Case by case basis is always the best course of action.

 

[Wyldfire]

Guys, guys, guys.. I understand there's all these issues. If you want to start a separate thread on rants about women over 30, knock yourself out. But, you're not giving me anything to use. They carry baggage about us, now you guys are showing baggage about them. I validate your complaints, but it's not moving me forward.

My particular problem is how to best approach these women initially so that I can pull off first dates with them reliably. I'll deal with their issues as they come, but that's after dating gets started. I just want to have a greater stable of women to select from. Hopefully, better sarging will give me this.

PLEASE tell me your experiences and thoughts about what does work in sarging women in early to mid 30's. Sarging means cold approaching, getting contact info in a short period of time, and following up with dating in the next week or two. How do you pull that off with any sort of reliability?

PLEASE take random ranting elsewhere.

Older women are actually far easier to approach and get to know than younger women are. As an older woman I will warn you of this much...I can't stand players. If a guy comes up to me acting like he's the sh*t I just laugh at him. I can't be bothered with games, fragile egos and puffery. Older women are more interested in the world around them, current events, intelligent conversation and such. If you want to get to know older women my advice would be to approach in a friendly and genuine way and engage them in pleasant conversation. Older women play far less games. If they are interested in you they will let you know it. Just be real, honest, open and don't try to use stupid lines because that just makes you look like a dork.

 

[Thomas94305]

Thanks Wyldfire... And I do agree older women are more relationship minded, whereas younger women are more content with a fling.

I don't have a problem starting a conversation, and I don't use lines. I do a lot along what you suggested for conversation. Age is not a problem in starting the conversation..

The problem comes down to follow up. After holding the 5 or 10 or whatever minute conversation, I can get contact info, if there's a good vibe. But, when I call or send emails, it doesn't go far.

In your experiences, if a guy has a 5-10 min conversation with you, have you been willing to give contact information, and follow up with meeting later? If so, what in the particular 5-10 minute initial conversation made you want to be in touch again, vs other 5-10 minute conversations that seemed to go fine, but did not spark follow up interest?

T'anks

 

[Wyldfire]

Thanks Wyldfire... And I do agree older women are more relationship minded, whereas younger women are more content with a fling.

I don't have a problem starting a conversation, and I don't use lines. I do a lot along what you suggested for conversation. Age is not a problem in starting the conversation..

The problem comes down to follow up. After holding the 5 or 10 or whatever minute conversation, I can get contact info, if there's a good vibe. But, when I call or send emails, it doesn't go far.

In your experiences, if a guy has a 5-10 min conversation with you, have you been willing to give contact information, and follow up with meeting later? If so, what in the particular 5-10 minute initial conversation made you want to be in touch again, vs other 5-10 minute conversations that seemed to go fine, but did not spark follow up interest?

T'anks

Your initial time investment is the problem, Thomas. It's highly unlikely I would agree to go out with some random guy I just met and only talked to 5 or 10 minutes. I also probably wouldn't give out my contact info in that time period either. Older women are less interested in wasting time. If they aren't interested in you it's less likely that they will go out with you at all. My guess would be that you aren't giving yourself enough time to spark any real initial interest and with older women you really have to do that. You can be more up front with these women, too. In fact, try spending twice as much time talking to the older women and then ask them to either go for coffee right then or ask them out and set a date on the spot. The most important thing to remember in approaching older women is that you've got to build the rapport on the first meeting because if you don't win her over on the spot you probably won't get another chance to.

As for the type of conversation that would win me over...it's reallly hard to say. I'm an extremely visual person. I am admittedly very shallow about looks, so I'm a bit unique in that I can't be won over just by conversation. I do like intelligence, a dry sarcastic sense of humor and conversation about important and meaningful subjects. But all women are different about the kind of conversation they like. The only helpful advice I can give you regarding older women and conversation is to keep it real, no corny lines and if she seems interested in something keep talking about it. The more she talks the better you're doing.

 

[Desdinova]

PLEASE tell me your experiences and thoughts about what does work in sarging women in early to mid 30's. Sarging means cold approaching, getting contact info in a short period of time, and following up with dating in the next week or two. How do you pull that off with any sort of reliability?

Women in their 20s aren't much different to sarge than women in their 30s. When it comes to women and sarging, age doesn't matter much. All women pretty much have the same natural brain wiring. However, I've found that ****y/funny works much better on older women than it does on younger ones.

 

[Vulpine]

Erhem.

Ok, I'll be brief as to not start a flame war. The advice was not "yes, here's how" but "you shouldn't, here's why". But, back to the original question. I'll admit, I should have kept my "mouth shut" versus rant, it's not proactive.

However, sarging is sarging. So, of course it should work, just with some adaptations. It would seem that you'll need more patience, less gimmicks, and more exposure (I'm assuming you're intention is LTR vs ONS). When they offer little bits of themselves, you need to offer more about yourself in return. Rapport would logically be a huge factor (perhaps the biggest) in the pick up. Focus heavily on establishing trust. You'll have to be less mysterious and more vulnerable. But make light of the pick up situation with humor, be cheesy. Like any other interaction, you'll get rejections, perhaps more.

Wyldfire... you included yourself in the generalization of older women having and baggage/issues by sharing the experience. Read the posts again, you basically argued my point for me. It's really interesting how similar our experiences are, and I have so many questions that I'd like to ask you. Since it's hard to have an effective argument online, let's meet at the gym and spar this weekend instead. What's your phone number?

 

[Wyldfire]

Erhem.

Ok, I'll be brief as to not start a flame war. The advice was not "yes, here's how" but "you shouldn't, here's why". But, back to the original question. I'll admit, I should have kept my "mouth shut" versus rant, it's not proactive.

However, sarging is sarging. So, of course it should work, just with some adaptations. It would seem that you'll need more patience, less gimmicks, and more exposure (I'm assuming you're intention is LTR vs ONS). When they offer little bits of themselves, you need to offer more about yourself in return. Rapport would logically be a huge factor (perhaps the biggest) in the pick up. Focus heavily on establishing trust. You'll have to be less mysterious and more vulnerable. But make light of the pick up situation with humor, be cheesy. Like any other interaction, you'll get rejections, perhaps more.

Wyldfire... you included yourself in the generalization of older women having and baggage/issues by sharing the experience. Read the posts again, you basically argued my point for me. It's really interesting how similar our experiences are, and I have so many questions that I'd like to ask you. Since it's hard to have an effective argument online, let's meet at the gym and spar this weekend instead. What's your phone number?

I actually don't tote around baggage. It's really not healthy or productive. I find unpacking the baggage as you go makes life so much more pleasant.

Our past experiences can either bog us down or provide us with an opportunity to learn and grow as a human being. The worse youre experiences are, the more wisdom, strength and character you can gain from them...IF you have a survivor mentality. If you choose to embrace victimhood THAT is what gives you the baggage and lead you to repeat the same patterns over and over again without learning anything from them.

I'm quite capable of arguing online, thanks. I have my own gym equipment at home and if physical fighting were my thing I would not have left the ex husband. I'm not here to flirt or find dates so kindly save the cheese and bologna for a sandwich...

 

[Vulpine]

So, Thomas, are you getting the point of this demonstration?

Best of luck in your endeavors.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

I actually don't tote around baggage. It's really not healthy or productive. I find unpacking the baggage as you go makes life so much more pleasant. ...

I agree with you on this one. It's when you don't even admit you have baggage so therefore cant unload it, that you run into the real problems. Some of the denizens of this very forum are prime examples.

 

[tx_xp]

I am 32 and talk to many ladies over 30. Really getting a # from someone over 30 is extremly easy! If you want the number just ask, it is a no brainer!

 

[Wyldfire]

I agree with you on this one. It's when you don't even admit you have baggage so therefore cant unload it, that you run into the real problems. Some of the denizens of this very forum are prime examples.

So true...everyone who comes here seeks out a place like this because they have emotional baggage. This topic is one of my pet peeves. I read so many posts about how certain groups of women are automatically assumed to have "baggage". On this site "baggage" means they have children, most often. That's just idiotic, in my opinion. These same guys complain about how certain women won't give them a chance for one reason or another and then they turn around and behave the same way. It's so hypocritical. You have to look at people as individuals and pay closer attention to not only how they look and their personality, but how they deal with adversity in their lives. Everyone goes through rought spots and hits speed bumps in life...that's to be expected and must be accepted. How they cope with those times should be far more important. Too many people on here are so wrapped up in trying to portray some phony persona that they completely lose touch with who they really are. It's really kinda sad. Older women can spot that, too. Phony ploys and putting on a front only works with young naive girls. That's why you see so many posers on here pursuing only young girls. Men who have it together know better than to limit themselves to only one particular group of women...and they have also figured out that 18 and 19 year old teenage girls are too immature and don't stick around long.

 

[Desdinova]

How they cope with those times should be far more important.

I agree, but most people won't deal with the issues they have and carry them for the rest of their lives. My parents, who are in their 60s are very good examples of this.

 

[Macgyver]

I've noticed throughout my years of befriending and associating with women over 30 or even in their late 20s that indeed something is wrong with single women in their 30s. What Desdinova has said is right, especially if a woman is quite attractive "How come she is single?"

She will give explanations:

1. I have high standards
2. I am picky
3. I haven't met the right man.

The truth be told is that:

1. I am f*cked up for a real man to put up with me.

I'm not saying all single 30+ year old women are the same, just most of the ones I've encountered.