poohead
Senior Don Juan
Who does this? Who goes to the bar (or club) alone, drinks by themselves, and proceeds to approach? Is this better or worse than with wingmen? Any special techniques you use when flying solo, or any stories?
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Sarging alone at the bar
- Thread starter poohead
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Desdinova
Master Don Juan
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I found sarging solo much better than sarging with my friends around. It seemed that my friends would suck me into their AFC world, and I would make no approaches.
Most people won't go to bars alone. They feel they need a babysitter so they don't "look like a loser." The great thing about sarging alone is that your attention isn't being sucked up by your friends, and you can concentrate more on the hunt. Also, you're not expected to stay at your friends' table to keep them company. You're free to roam the entire bar and chat up anybody you feel like. If the are no prospects at that particular bar, you're free to leave and go to another one.
I've never worked with a wingman, so I wouldn't be able to tell you the positives of having one.
Most people won't go to bars alone. They feel they need a babysitter so they don't "look like a loser." The great thing about sarging alone is that your attention isn't being sucked up by your friends, and you can concentrate more on the hunt. Also, you're not expected to stay at your friends' table to keep them company. You're free to roam the entire bar and chat up anybody you feel like. If the are no prospects at that particular bar, you're free to leave and go to another one.
I've never worked with a wingman, so I wouldn't be able to tell you the positives of having one.
NorPacWolf
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Great Thread
These are some awesome replies. I'll be honest, my inner game is not strong enough for me to solo sarge on a regular basis. However, if your concern is about not having a wingman, guess what: you can recruit a wingman on the spot. As you chat up everyone, tell a couple of your new buds to join you a couple minutes after you enter a set. I'm sure you'll find men and sometimes even women who are willing to help you out by winging or pivoting for you.
Wolf
PS: I'd really like to see a thread devoted to solo sarging in the DJ Bible. Hopefully we can all turn this into a four star thread worthy of inclusion.
These are some awesome replies. I'll be honest, my inner game is not strong enough for me to solo sarge on a regular basis. However, if your concern is about not having a wingman, guess what: you can recruit a wingman on the spot. As you chat up everyone, tell a couple of your new buds to join you a couple minutes after you enter a set. I'm sure you'll find men and sometimes even women who are willing to help you out by winging or pivoting for you.
Wolf
PS: I'd really like to see a thread devoted to solo sarging in the DJ Bible. Hopefully we can all turn this into a four star thread worthy of inclusion.
DoubleA
Senior Don Juan
That's bullshyt.
You got it, you're just afraid to use it that's all. My advice is too start off at a Happy Hour and go from there. At Happy Hour people are more friendlier than the nighttime.
Man starting up a conversation isn't hard if you don't to put any unnecessary pressure on yourself. I've gone places and not said a word. Not because I was shy but because I didn't feel like talking. Maybe alot was on my mind at the time. The only trap is to keep your mouth running enough to avoid the slamming down beers to take the "Edge" off.
Just try it out for awhile. If you start to feel uncomfortable the you can always leave. Better yet, invite a coworker out for Happy Hour.
You got it, you're just afraid to use it that's all. My advice is too start off at a Happy Hour and go from there. At Happy Hour people are more friendlier than the nighttime.
Man starting up a conversation isn't hard if you don't to put any unnecessary pressure on yourself. I've gone places and not said a word. Not because I was shy but because I didn't feel like talking. Maybe alot was on my mind at the time. The only trap is to keep your mouth running enough to avoid the slamming down beers to take the "Edge" off.
Just try it out for awhile. If you start to feel uncomfortable the you can always leave. Better yet, invite a coworker out for Happy Hour.
poohead
Senior Don Juan
when sarging alone -
other than happy hours, what are best times to go, early evenings or later at night?
are neighborhood bars better than large clubs?
i'm going to try it this weekend sometime for at least an hour.
other than happy hours, what are best times to go, early evenings or later at night?
are neighborhood bars better than large clubs?
i'm going to try it this weekend sometime for at least an hour.
Red_Tiger
Don Juan
I go out alone a lot of the time, for all the reasons given above. You are not trapped. When I went out with my mates most of the time we start talking about work etc and it gets boring.
The only problem I have found is that you can get the lonely old man bothering you. I would suggest you take a newspaper just in case to hide behind
The only problem I have found is that you can get the lonely old man bothering you. I would suggest you take a newspaper just in case to hide behind
resilient
Master Don Juan
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sarging alone is great
I tried this two weeks ago during the first few weeks of the bootcamp and had an amazing learning experience. I have a thread in discussion here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98061. I asked other DJs for advice and they gave me some good tips just before heading out on a Wednesday night.
I found I gained so much confidence just by not having anyone there by my side. It pushed me to be more social and open up everyone in my proximity.
I opened a 3set (2girls,1guy) and managed to stay in the set for 30 minutes! (longest solo set ever) These young 21 year olds were visiting on Spring Break and I could have easily closed them, but wasn't at that point in the bootcamp to #close them yet (girl have me several IOIs).
What helped me was walking around slow, good body language, smile, kino dude or girl just before entering a set with a question that locked me into the set. Getting into the live band playing there, and opening up people between songs, "ah man... don't you love these guys?" etc.
The trick is letting people there know you're comfortable with being alone there by yourself and you're out to meet some new friends. Only thing I wish I would have done was be more honest with the people that I met there that I was out for the night alone instead of "waiting for my older brother to meet up, so I came a little early to check out the place." Needless to say, I didn't want to be caught alone again by my 30min set walking around alone.
Anyway, just get out there you'll have a lot of fun and try to talk to everyone if you feel confident enough. HAVE FUN!
I tried this two weeks ago during the first few weeks of the bootcamp and had an amazing learning experience. I have a thread in discussion here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98061. I asked other DJs for advice and they gave me some good tips just before heading out on a Wednesday night.
I found I gained so much confidence just by not having anyone there by my side. It pushed me to be more social and open up everyone in my proximity.
I opened a 3set (2girls,1guy) and managed to stay in the set for 30 minutes! (longest solo set ever) These young 21 year olds were visiting on Spring Break and I could have easily closed them, but wasn't at that point in the bootcamp to #close them yet (girl have me several IOIs).
What helped me was walking around slow, good body language, smile, kino dude or girl just before entering a set with a question that locked me into the set. Getting into the live band playing there, and opening up people between songs, "ah man... don't you love these guys?" etc.
The trick is letting people there know you're comfortable with being alone there by yourself and you're out to meet some new friends. Only thing I wish I would have done was be more honest with the people that I met there that I was out for the night alone instead of "waiting for my older brother to meet up, so I came a little early to check out the place." Needless to say, I didn't want to be caught alone again by my 30min set walking around alone.
Anyway, just get out there you'll have a lot of fun and try to talk to everyone if you feel confident enough. HAVE FUN!
On your own
I don't go to bars and clubs alone, it would be weird and people *do* notice if you are all by yourself and just standing around, it looks out of place when everyone else is being social.
Having said that, my pref. mode of operation is go with friends and ditch them, go hit on girls and then come back to my friends. Usually I walk around or go get a drink and you can always find a girl (or a pair) sitting by themselves taking a break, or better, a girl waiting to get a drink at the bar and you just wait next to her and start chatting. It's all very natural. If I get a good vibe, I still purposely *leave* after few minutes and say I need to join my friends and I will circle back and find her. Girls appreciate that and don't want someone leaching too long.
I don't go to bars and clubs alone, it would be weird and people *do* notice if you are all by yourself and just standing around, it looks out of place when everyone else is being social.
Having said that, my pref. mode of operation is go with friends and ditch them, go hit on girls and then come back to my friends. Usually I walk around or go get a drink and you can always find a girl (or a pair) sitting by themselves taking a break, or better, a girl waiting to get a drink at the bar and you just wait next to her and start chatting. It's all very natural. If I get a good vibe, I still purposely *leave* after few minutes and say I need to join my friends and I will circle back and find her. Girls appreciate that and don't want someone leaching too long.
Helios
Don Juan
Aside from pubcrawls in college I never go to a bar with anyone else. While before I went with the entire point being to hook up, now I just go to blow off steam from work. Mostly people watching. It's actually quite refreshing.
Nowadays I mostly suffer from an attitude of why do I really want to do this when it comes to approaching. Only because I've just come to relax and trying to pickup women when I know I have nothing left to give my game is pointless.
My only advice would be to know what you want going into the night and sticking too it. The only time you should change the gameplan is when you have that "I can do this" epiphany.
Nowadays I mostly suffer from an attitude of why do I really want to do this when it comes to approaching. Only because I've just come to relax and trying to pickup women when I know I have nothing left to give my game is pointless.
My only advice would be to know what you want going into the night and sticking too it. The only time you should change the gameplan is when you have that "I can do this" epiphany.
Boschy
Senior Don Juan
I am a solo bar crawler. I love it. I like booze and the atmosphere too, therefore often I go for that experience. The fact that there may be hotties around just makes it better. I make no apologies for being there alone. Something that I do to feel less isolated is to chat up the venue staff a bit. And yes, you can find wings at clubs, just have to be very laid back and casual. Make your intentions clear up front. I try to chat about the babes (talent) in the very first line, just in case he's a homophobe.
I find that early on, friends stay in groups and catch up with what's happening. Later, they loosen up and become more social. So I either eat first and arrive a bit later, or chill out and scan the crowd, talk to bar staff before the music gets too loud, break the ice with girls who pass by or are standing at the bar. And so on.
I find that early on, friends stay in groups and catch up with what's happening. Later, they loosen up and become more social. So I either eat first and arrive a bit later, or chill out and scan the crowd, talk to bar staff before the music gets too loud, break the ice with girls who pass by or are standing at the bar. And so on.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
CompleteControl
Don Juan
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With neighborhood bars and bar/restaurants you should go early to meet women that just got out of work and stopped for a drink with friends.poohead said:
If you find a place that is open later than others you can go at 10:00 or 11:00 and meet 21 to 25 year old waitresses that just got out after work to have a few drinks to unwind.
El MonoLoco
Master Don Juan
I always go out alone...not that I don't have any friends...I just prefer to meet up with who ever is out at the time. I know a lot of people...
I just get a drink and hit up the dance floor...maybe I just have enough gusto to just get out and do what makes me happy...I like to dance...I like to drink..I approach who I want and when I want...and I'm learning not to force things as much which has helped me a lot.
If people ask, "yes I'm by myself but you can keep me company for a min"...but people hardly ask
I just get a drink and hit up the dance floor...maybe I just have enough gusto to just get out and do what makes me happy...I like to dance...I like to drink..I approach who I want and when I want...and I'm learning not to force things as much which has helped me a lot.
If people ask, "yes I'm by myself but you can keep me company for a min"...but people hardly ask
NorPacWolf
Senior Don Juan
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Informal Poll
Guys,
Do you find that you close more often or less often when you solo sarge? Please, no hypotheticals, your actual experiences only. Thanks.
Wolf
Guys,
Do you find that you close more often or less often when you solo sarge? Please, no hypotheticals, your actual experiences only. Thanks.
Wolf
I was very succesful alone more so than with friends when I did the "sarging" thing.poohead said:
However, I discourage doing that in "bars". It can be done in most Nightclubs and clubs. The thing about bars is that if you sit in a bar, you feel like you have to drink. You can get drunk or give the perception that you are a drunk.
Now, if you are "travelling in business" and sit in the Hotel bar alone, that's different.
Nightclubs? The advantage is that you can be dynamic (moving from point a to point b).
The trick I use in Nightclubs is that I try to stay dynamic. Spent few minutes here and there. I have good presence, so some of the "cool" guys tend to nod at me or even shake my hand. I used to go to a couple of nightclubs and after visiting the place 3 or 4 times, the bouncers were shaking my hand and the bartender was shaking my hand and spending a few seconds asking me how I was doing (even with a line waiting).
Those things might seem natural to me...but I'm sure a woman sitting in the bar and observing would find that "impressive" (especially, because I try not to be "too cool" or "too show off", unless...I have too).
My trick was simple...be friendly with some of the regulars. I am "alone", but there I meet some of the guys that frequent the place. If I feel like standing in a spot, I can do that with a couple of those guys and talk and deal with the girls and leave to another spot without feeling any obligation toward the guys.
I call them, by "nightclub buddies". Guys that I don't know outside the nightclub, but they are my "wingmen" in the nightclub if need it (sometimes without they even knowing it).
More often solo. Almost as good with ONE person (many times that person is a "nightclub wingman" as described in my previous post or a guy that I know and show up to the nightclub alone too - in any case, I have no obligation to hang out with that person-). More than one person and it sucks.NorPacWolf said: