i don't know if its only because i've only done 22 approaches in my life (6 hits, 16 misses) and still havent gotten laid, but it seems to me that just the act of going up to girls you don't know and trying to charm them and get their #'s is in itself telecommunicating desperation and neediness. Thoughts?
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
sarging a catch 22 ?
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"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Egoist
Master Don Juan
yes it is in a way a catch-22 but only at first.
at some point, sarging is no big deal and natural, and all of a sudden you are not desperate anymore and sh!t starts coming together.
at some point, sarging is no big deal and natural, and all of a sudden you are not desperate anymore and sh!t starts coming together.
BuckwildNYC
Senior Don Juan
I hear what you are saying but I've learned that there are ways to approach and not look desperate. Ultimately you have to realize you can walk away at any time. If she's acting bichy or disinterested you have the power to leave. There's nothing desperate about that. Always remember you are in control and you don't have to close every girl.
diablo
Master Don Juan
You're right. We should all just sit around on a computer all day waiting for girls to charm us and get our numbers. That's not pathetic, not one bit.
Guys have been approaching girls since the beginning of time. First there was the caveman, who approached from the rear, hitting the woman over the head and dragging her to his cave. Now it's 2006 and we do things a bit different - but the end result is the same... getting booty. Once you get some for yourself you'll understand...
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Alphathree
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2005
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That's why you don't _TRY_ to _CHARM_ them.
You are going up to a girl because you're The King and The King likes to know everyone. You are GRACING her with YOUR PRESENCE. You don't need to TRY anything. You can have her if you want, but that's not really on your mind at the moment.
You've got it all wrong and your way IS DESPERATE and NEEDY. You're RIGHT.
And diablo is a jerk, moderator or not. This is a legit question Diablo. You've been a jerk on some of my threads too. You're supposed to be building a community here.
yes, just accept that it's not easy, that really anything worthwhile is not easy...
it's like when you are learning to play a musical instrument like the guitar...
at first you suck at it, you try to play the right notes but you can't...
you persist and eventually you can play the right notes but your timing is not so good...
you persist and you can play all the right notes at the right time but your musical is unoriginal and mechanical...
you persist and eventually you have your own style and you can inject your own personality and mood into the music.
how long does it take? years and years of practicing every day because there is always something new to learn
even if you know everything you still have to apply it and actually get good at it, be > do > have
it's like when you are learning to play a musical instrument like the guitar...
at first you suck at it, you try to play the right notes but you can't...
you persist and eventually you can play the right notes but your timing is not so good...
you persist and you can play all the right notes at the right time but your musical is unoriginal and mechanical...
you persist and eventually you have your own style and you can inject your own personality and mood into the music.
how long does it take? years and years of practicing every day because there is always something new to learn
even if you know everything you still have to apply it and actually get good at it, be > do > have
OP has a point. Even though society dictates the male has to pursue, that still puts you at a disadvantage at least initially. And on top of that, sometimes some people, males and females, will try to make you feel like your doing something wrong by Cold approaching (CA) strangers. CA isn't always easy or the most productive, that's why some people recommend sarging social circles and networking, but I think being able to succesfully CA is a necessity anyhow.
The main point of the CAs is for you to get over your anxiety of approaching/talking/flirting/closing/whatever HBs. It's meant for experience sake so you can destroy your fears of rejection, see what works for you and what doesn't with HBs, determine how HBs percieve you as a stranger, and eliminate the limitations most AFCs place on themselves (i.e., the only way I can meet an HB is through friend of a friend or out of pure luck if she works/studies with me). If you think it makes you seem desperate and needy then that's exactly the impression you're gonna make every time until you learn how to change that negative mindset you place yourself in.
I mean sarging isn't the only way to meet HBs but consider this: it's definitely the fastest method in all areas. Nothing else is going to build your experience with HBs as quickly, nothing else is going to give you access to so many opportunities in such short time, nothing else is going to purge your social phobias/anxiety/fears of rejection as effectively, and nothing else is going to increase your chances of getting digits/date/puss/ONS/LTR like sarging will.
I mean sarging isn't the only way to meet HBs but consider this: it's definitely the fastest method in all areas. Nothing else is going to build your experience with HBs as quickly, nothing else is going to give you access to so many opportunities in such short time, nothing else is going to purge your social phobias/anxiety/fears of rejection as effectively, and nothing else is going to increase your chances of getting digits/date/puss/ONS/LTR like sarging will.
BuckwildNYC
Senior Don Juan
Re: Re: sarging a catch 22 ?
I think that whole caveman thing might work in a crowded club. I'll field test it and let you know how it worked out.
Originally posted by diablo
You're right. We should all just sit around on a computer all day waiting for girls to charm us and get our numbers. That's not pathetic, not one bit.
Guys have been approaching girls since the beginning of time. First there was the caveman, who approached from the rear, hitting the woman over the head and dragging her to his cave. Now it's 2006 and we do things a bit different - but the end result is the same... getting booty. Once you get some for yourself you'll understand...
I think that whole caveman thing might work in a crowded club. I'll field test it and let you know how it worked out.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I_Only_Live_Once
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 15, 2005
- Messages
- 227
- Reaction score
- 5
It would only come across as desperate or needy if you are desperate and needy. If you are confident it will come across that you are brave and a leader because you go after what you want.
bbestar
Banned
How many times do I have to say this, Why are you putting so much pressure to approach when you can make it easier and at the same time not look desperate and be more alpha..
Use the psssst.. and come here finger, meaning for her to come to you. It shows dominance and control of the situation, it also portrays you as the chooser and the one with higher value, and if not impressed could leave at any moment, or ask her to leave or go back to what she was doing.
If she's giving you good eye contact, this is a perfect situation.
I do not reccomend doing this to guys. Some guy did this to me while i was in my car, and I got soooo offended I was thinking about it for weeks. I was goin to hit that guy the next time i see him.
Use the psssst.. and come here finger, meaning for her to come to you. It shows dominance and control of the situation, it also portrays you as the chooser and the one with higher value, and if not impressed could leave at any moment, or ask her to leave or go back to what she was doing.
If she's giving you good eye contact, this is a perfect situation.
I do not reccomend doing this to guys. Some guy did this to me while i was in my car, and I got soooo offended I was thinking about it for weeks. I was goin to hit that guy the next time i see him.