sarcasm and insults - comebacks to them!!!

[Senior Ding-Dong]

In my current way of life i come up against daily insults and sarcastic gits and it is stopping as of now!
It is usually from guys in my year at school and they are very sarcastic as they think it makes them big but truely it makes them pathetic and insecure(deep down anyway).
The insults are usually as amazing as "gay" or "ur mother". wow these are impressive lads, think them up on your own?!!

Anyone got ideas how to deal with these and great comebacks to them?Personally i just ignore them but it would be great to be able to come straight back at them and verbally kick them in the nuts, Ha.

 

[Vincent]

"Thats cool"

It works wonders. Just say it over and over in a monotone voice. They eventually get tired and won't bug you with it again.

 

[Limitless]

Let them go on and on , ignoring them , and when they begin to yell say , are you still talking?

 

[Julian]

Anyone see Girl Next Door with Elisha Cuthburt (fuccin hb 10)?

At the end that Eli kid is answering questions and this loser stands up and asks some ****y question, the kid responds by going " SHUT THE FUCC UP! NEXT QUESTION!"

Its great Lol.

 

[MidwestFreek]

whenever some1 says somethin like...thats gay...or..ur momma...just be like "at least my momma loves me" or if they call u gay..i just pull the "dream on" comment

 

[Microphone Fiend]

hey got a quarter?...... Go call someone who cares

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

how about p*ss off f*cktard?

 

[InsidiousNstinct]

me and one of my buds were talking last night about come backs and he mentioned one that I had never heard before.

Whenever a guy says something to the effect of " yep, gonna get me some tonight."

Answer back with...."who? pamalahanderson" I thought I was going to laugh my a$$ off when I heard it.

 

[kidkoala]

Instead of that;s cool say you're cool. Just watch they;ll instantly qualify themselves; something like ya i am haha. Then u win

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

"aaahh slob on my knob like corn on the cobb"

or if

Him:You are really stupid

You:Your mom is really stupid

and everything he says just say it again but with the context of Your Mom in it. After about a minute they'll get frustrated and go away and cry in a corner or something

 

[jessup]

Get big and kick their ass.

Seriously.

If you haven't already got smart to them, it will come off as so fake to them.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

YEAH, a barbed wire bat will shut anything up under the big bright sun

 

[AudiTy]

Them: Your mum sucks c**k for rock.
Me: You always wank off in a sock? omg that's sick aahaha you sick loser hahaha....

Mishear what they say, and just take it too far. Or...

Them: You're a bunch of gays.
Me: You want sex with a what?

You have to say it as if you actually misheard everything except the word you're creating a play on.

In this case you are inferring that they want to have sex with a bunch of gays.

Get it?

 

[Wee]

Him: I ****ed your mom last night.
You: Yup got it all on film, but I don't remember it being that cold dude, is it a disease or an off day?

Him: You're gay.
You: If I was then I would be one of the prettiest faggets since elton john/you're not my type, stop trying/i prefer the term happy with a capital G/if you makin' wishes for christmas go sit on santas lap.

I could go on and on with the gay thing thats easy. With anything he says bout your mom agree and then turn it on him. If a guy neg hits you hes just hittin' on you!!! Nah but for real I've made friends with guys that started out makin' fun of me. Once they find out you can take a joke and dish it back FUNNY you guys can end up cool.

 

[mikeb1205]

how about

shut the **** up before i beat the living **** out of you.

stand up for yourself. i had friends that were bullys and i thought it was funny when the kid they were picking on would say that and they would back down. who knows you may even win. look at it this way you lose its expected but the girls are going to take notice. you win you will be the single cause of that kid leaving school.

 

[hardwork]

I always used the "At least I'm not…" on my brothers and my friends, but I always came up with something wittier when the situation demanded, which isn't really something I can give examples of.

What I can give examples of, however, is the utterly infallible "At least I'm not…" defense.

Behold
Asshead: You're gay.
You: At least I'm not gay.

Genius, no? Please don't try to be taken seriously using this. Most idiots who tease are just trying to get a bigger rise out of you to: a) instigate a fight; or b) to make you otherwise lose your temper and either storm off (like a sissy); or c) say something utterly stupid ("Suck my mother-f'ckin' toe! …Sh't!"!) so they can capitalize on it in order to a)instigate a fight; or b) make you otherwise lose your temper and storm off in a fit of weakness; or c) say something utterly stupid so they can capitalize on it.

Anyone else see a pattern in that? Fighting is a huge waste of time, and neither of you look very cool. The best bouts of verbal tête-à-tête I ever experienced were between two people who ended up laughing at each other. Unless there is a lot less tension/built-up steam at the end of the "fight," on both ends, you've done nothing but look like dumbasses.