Sansj`s letting my balls drop Journal

[Sansj]

Hey guys!

After a long while battling myself, I have come to a conclusion. I need change in life. I'm tired of feeling insecure about myslef. I'm tired of being so shy and so afraid of girls. I know I have some problems to overcome. but somwhere i need to start. So I hope I can keep a journal here so i can see how I am handle this. Maybe I get some good tips from you along the road.

I might start by tell a little about myself. I am 22 years old and live in Oslo. I started financial studies last year and have about 4 years left. I moved to Oslo from a small town. I left all my old friends and problems behind. And tryed to start a new page in my life. This did not go entirely according to plan. I live in a doorm with 5 outher people.

Am a typical AFC. I have poor experience with girls. This is reflected in my love life. I have been a typical doormat. I've had one girlfriend. it only lasted a few months. I've been in bed with like 5 other girls. But with 4 of them I have had great difficulty getting my **** to work for me. This makes me so sad. I know I have some problems in my life I have to clean up first. my social circle is nothing to talk about either. After I moved to Oslo, I have only managed to get one close friend. i have some other "friends" but this is the kind you cant hang with on a daily basis.

So, as you can see, there are a lot of things happening in my life. I have been depressed a lot of the time. But a few weeks ago it went up a light for me. After have been to a concert, where I just had fun. I saw that I had much better pull on people. So i started thinking about it. And i tryed it out for some days. And to my suprise i worked like a sharm. And after reading Snowdog`s journal i got inspired to try to improve my own life. Thanks bro, for opening my eyes!.

Improving my life and letting my balls drop and sag like a real man`s balls!
Things i hope to change in the future:

Inner game:
- Need to sort the problems thats been following me for years
- Overcome my shyness
- Inprove mye confidence
- Become more of a man
- Stop thinking about what outher people might think about me.
- Having more fun by my self
- Begin to love myself for who I am

Sosial Circle:
- Make some new friends (Dudes and girls)
- Get closer to my roommates.
- Join a student organization.

Girls:
- Start chatting with girls i meet outside.
- Learing how to handle girls - Like a real man
- Start Approaching girls
- Just have fun with girls.
- Get over my Onitis

Hobbies:
- Start working out at the gym.
- Start painting modern art or photographing
- Start with Krav maga.
- Get mye car together and sell it.
- Become better at school. It's my damn future!!
- Stop being a geek, Getting more outside the door.

Think this will do for starters. This may well also be my personal goals. I'm not quite sure where to start or how to start. This is perhaps something I need to find out for yourself. Just hope I can look back on this record one day and see how much I've changed.

Cheers mates

 

[Sansj]

Let the battle begin.

Yesterday I went with a buddy to the beach. Tuck some beer and had fun. Did not talk with any girls there. not very much to look at to be honest.

Later that night we borrowed a Ford mustang and just drove around the city. Then a little later I went to town to meet another friend for some more beers. When we came to the bar. i saw alot of girls sitting around just chatting. But I felt so intimidated. so not much talking with those sitting around us that night. Did not have the balls to go talk to anyone either.

I also having problems with my onitis. She`s calling me and texting meg all the time. and when i get a bit tippsy i let my guard down. :/ So i need to work on that.

My friends are all chumps, So it is kinda hard getting any boost from them. It feels like I'm on an emotional rollercoster some times.

- Finding and retaining the right mindset.
- Find a way to break the vicious circle of onitis

 

[Sansj]

Yesterday was pretty quiet. i walked around trying to work on my eye contact. and my body language. i tried to talk to some girls. but i only spatt out crazy words like a nervous wreck. I got putt off and just got out of there as fast as i could.

later I decide to get me some food.!
I went down town to get me something to eat. I went to a tapas restaurant. There were no people that i could see. I sat down waiting to order. Then two beautiful waitresses came out and took my order. I sat there and lit a cigarette. Then one of the waiters comes out agein, she asks if it's okay she lights a cigarette. I was a little put out but I managed to say it was okay. i asked if she wanted to join me. and for some reason she did. So we sat there chatting until I got my food. The conversation was about everything and nothing. tried to remember some good conversation subjects.

When I was leaving I thought that I could ask for her number, and hear if she was available later in the evening. Got the number, but she was not free later that evening. She told me to call later this week?...

I am a bit put out by this. Since I was not planing to go for any numbers or chatting up a waitress ..... So the less you think about girls. The more you get??? whats wrong here?

The girl i have onitis for seems to have taken a hint, (im not just someone she can talk to when she`s boored.) it looks like I have been able to shake off my feelings for her. I do not think about her anymore. do not care if im talking to her either. Hopefully this continues.