Sacrificing DJ qualities at work with b*tchy female bosses, read on...

[edger]

Let me clarify a bit..I think some of you are under the impression that my situation is EXTREME..no, I wouldn't say it's that extreme, but it isn't great either. These are the facts of how she's dealt or deals with me:

That one particular past dealing I mentioned played out like this: One day I had an argument with one of the guys who monitors our work. He started sh*t literally for no reason(just about everybody hates this dude). Now I wasn't gonna sit there and not defend myself, so I went back at him(with words of course). So, he went and told her I started with him, which was of course bullsh*t. Next thing I know, I get called into human resources by the head boss to tell me my supervisor wrote me up. What pisseed me off was that my supervisor never came to me to get my version of the story. How could you write someone up without hearing their version yet? Not cool, and not professional either. I told my head boss this, but I don't know if she ever spoke to her.

Also when it comes to dealing with me, she follows "everything by the book". Most others she doesn't do this with. So it's sh*t like that I deal with. Also, if she's passing me in the hall or something, she'll give me the smallest smile while lifting her eyebrows(that I'm acknowledging you look, but I don't want to), never an actual "hi". Whatever, I could seriously care less, but I'm just pointing out another indicator of how she doesn't like me.

I've BEEN looking for other jobs, have sent out/been sending out tons of resumes, but not having any luck. PRIDE is a HUGE thing with me, I carry it wherever I am, it's of course the bulk of DJism, but I CANNOT afford to leave my job at this point with nothing else lined up, no matter how much it kills me to sacrifice and swallow my pride with this cvnt. I have a bunch of expenses, my car, rent, credit card, so on and so forth. If I left my job, I'd be left in some serious debt., and it would be irresponsible on my part. Like I said, it's not the detrimentalist of situations, but it would be nice to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

[Wyldfire]

edger...when your co-worker went to her and complained she was wrong for writing you up without first getting your side of the story. What you should have done is told the person you spoke to that it didn't happen that way and you wish she had of came to you to talk first. THEN you should have asked if they would set up a meeting where all 3 of you could sit down and discuss how things were handled.

She's doing everything by the book now because you basically complained about her to her boss when you said she didn't come to you first and ask your side of things. She's likely assuming that you are angry with her mistake and looking to complain about her and get her into trouble.

What you can do at this point is go talk to her and explain that you wish she would have given you a chance to give your side of the story before writing you up and that you feel it makes for a much better working relationship if there is good communication between you and her. Explain to her that because she didn't talk to you first that it left you with the impression that she isn't approachable and you'd like to resolve any misunderstandings between the two of you. Ask her to please come to you to ask you about any issues involving you because it will avoid any discomfort and hard feelings if you can communicate with each other.

Also, make sure that you aren't giving off a vibe that makes people feel like they can't approach you at work if they do have an issue with you.

This one should be easy to resolve...you just have to show your supervisor that you are approachable and mature enough to deal with problems and conflicts directly with her.

 

[Latinoman]

No advice...just comments.

- Never engage into a war of words with anger with another co-worker. If you lose your head, you better be the type of employee considered "valuable" or "superstar" to your boss or her boss. I sense you are not considered "super star" or "valuable" level.

- what would a woman would do if she was you and your boss was a male?

- government or private industry? Don't you have rights? Don't you have to sign when somebody write you up?

- are you keeping a log book?

- based on the entire environment I would personally be looking at another job (very least another department). But I would do a real self-assesment and see if there things that I should improve.

- if she goes by the book...then she is following the rules and is NOT treating you unfairly. If she is not following the book with others, then she is either giving the preferential treatment that could be based on personal issues or due to their "high" performance. When I sign a contract, I do so expecting th "by the book" treatment.

- Up your performance to the point that YOU gain control. And you do that by becoming the Super Star. A REAL super stars make their bosses and (bosses-bosses) look good and the company look good. However, in order to avoid been expendable, you most also become VERY good on something seem valuable to them and that would be very hard to replace (if you leave) on short notice.

- I never try to "out-alpha" my boss. You will lose.

 

[Latinoman]

No advice...just comments.

- Never engage into a war of words with anger with another co-worker. If you lose your head, you better be the type of employee considered "valuable" or "superstar" to your boss or her boss. I sense you are not considered "super star" or "valuable" level.

- what would a woman would do if she was you and your boss was a male?

- government or private industry? Don't you have rights? Don't you have to sign when somebody write you up?

- are you keeping a log book?

- based on the entire environment I would personally be looking at another job (very least another department). But I would do a real self-assesment and see if there things that I should improve.

- if she goes by the book...then she is following the rules and is NOT treating you unfairly. If she is not following the book with others, then she is either giving the preferential treatment that could be based on personal issues or due to their "high" performance. When I sign a contract, I do so expecting th "by the book" treatment.

- Up your performance to the point that YOU gain control. And you do that by becoming the Super Star. A REAL super stars make their bosses and (bosses-bosses) look good and the company look good. However, in order to avoid been expendable, you most also become VERY good on something seem valuable to them and that would be very hard to replace (if you leave) on short notice.

- I never try to "out-alpha" my boss. You will lose.

 

[Latinoman]

...

 

[edger]

Also, make sure that you aren't giving off a vibe that makes people feel like they can't approach you at work if they do have an issue with you.

I haven't put out any vibes like that...that's one thing I have never done at work, was put out any vibes that I was unapproachable.

 

[edger]

- government or private industry? Don't you have rights? Don't you have to sign when somebody write you up?

- are you keeping a log book?

It's private industry.

I'd assume I do have rights. I never really looked into my company's policy regarding employee rights, but NOW is a good time to do that.

I think I might've signed something, I don't remember though.

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

A friend of mine worked briefly for a female manager who busted his balls, made him do most of the department's work, and berated him a few times in front of other employees.

He went out and found a new job, gave one hour's notice to his boss on a Friday afternoon and finished whatever work he was doing.

The manager, an attractive woman in her late 20s, called him in at 5:00 to beg him to stay. He got the impression she was panicking and the higher-ups weren't happy about the loss.

"Joe, I know I haven't always been easy to work with, but you're the best person on our team and I don't know what we will do without you.

"What do I have to do to get you to stay?"

(Joe is no lady's man, but he's a man's man and takes $hit from noone.)

Joe: (thinks for a moment): "if you bend over that desk, I'll stay for another TEN MINUTES."

I can't remember if he was taken out of the building by security or not. But that was one of the funniest damn lines I ever heard.

 

[jonwon]

I have a situation at work where one of my female supervisors/boss doesn't like me very much. I won't go into all the details, but it's pretty obvious she doesn't like me. In one particular past dealing with her, I brought it to the attention of my head boss in human resources(who's another character by the way), but I don't know whether or not she was ever spoken to about it. The thing that's pissing me off is that I have to maintain a somewhat "friendly/passive" relationship with her as to not get fired or written up. I really can't afford to loose my job. I have to act "AFC like" with this dumb twit, and still talk nice to her even though she gives me a raw deal at work. You guys know how it is. I'm up against a barrel. Normally I would've told this b*tch to go f*ck herself a long time ago, but I'm in a situation where I can't do that. I gotta say, it sux being in this position with my hands tied behind my back. I just hope she realizes and knows I'm no p*ssy, and that if she wasn't the supervisor/boss, I'd deal with her much differently. If and when she's bustin' my balls or not being a fair boss, I'll make it a point to passively call her out on it. But I hate to be passive, take it up the a$$, and look like a p*ssy. Now of course women love when you don't stand for their crap, and I could easily take the non-passive approach with her, the only thing is, I'd be risking possibly getting the ax(fired) or her making my worklife even more less enjoyable. Now in most cases, a NON-passive approach with a female boss wouldn't create a problem, but you never know, there's always that risk it will. She could be the one boss who happens to be the exception to the rule of typical female behavior. I don't think I can take that risk with her. Anyone else have stories?

having been managment trained all i see is a rant and nothing more.

why not post some things she as done and some things you have done to probably rile her and i would prefer honesty and not biased view points to make your case seem like the better side.

Now how did this start, what things as she done and what things have you done to get to this stage?

also you helping little by holding this grudge against her.

in what regards do you have to deal with her? is your dealings once daily, twice daily, or constant through-out the day, what does she do.

Without that information the post just seems like a random rant!

also the incident where the supervisor wrote you up.

What do you expect?

You should have ignored the co-worker and got on with your work, at the first sign of an issue you should have reported it to the supervisor and not taken it into your own hands.

No offence but you seem to be a bit of a loose cannon.

also her doing things by the book should not matter if your where doing your job correctly, in that effect 'by the book' means she is acting on your preformance, which means she as nothing on you if your whiter then white.

Sorry i see wolfs scream like lambs when the shi* hits the fan, i will reserve my judgement on this post till i see more situations where this supervisor is out of order, all i am seeing so far is you making silly mistakes and feeding what ever Paranoia you have going!

aslo we know nothing about what that co-worker said to you, you missed that out, we dont know what you said to him in return. He may have called you some silly name and you reacted by threatening him, well if thats the case, your lucky your still hired (we can all jump to conclusions bud)!

now others may post with there need to feel the feminist view point in the post, i prefer to call a spade a spade, so post some examples, since so far i dont see anything this supervisor as done wrong but i see alot of mistakes from your side.

give me some solid examples!

 

[Latinoman]

I agree with Jonwon on this.

 

[edger]

why not post some things she as done and some things you have done to probably rile her and i would prefer honesty and not biased view points to make your case seem like the better side.

Well, another supervisor told me in the beginning before that incident where she wrote me up, that she told him I didn't pay attention to my work, not those exact words but similar..BUT, BUT, she NEVER had brought this to MY attention before..never once. And I remember thinking to myself, "why has she never talked to me about this if she feels this way?" I always remember doing what I always had to do at work. I mean, yea, there were times where I'd talk or leave my chair, but that was only done when I needed a short 2-3 minute break. I mean how can someone sit at work for 8 hours and not take a short 2-3 minute break? I'm only human. EVERYONE at my job does that. It's not like I neglected my work or goofed off or was ever a slacker because I was lazy..no, not the case at all. I've always minded my business and did what I had to do. Maybe she doesn't like me because she's noticed me turning around to check her out a bunch of times in the past(she is attractive)?..I don't know. I've alway's tried not to make it obvious. The only 2 thing's she's done was write me up without getting my side of the story, and I also forgot last week, she went to my head supervisor and told her I was chatting with some co-workers while working. Once again, she never confronted me about it first. It's not like I was talking because I didn't wanna work, sometimes you just get caught up talking to a co-worker in the spur-of-the-moment, not realizing. As far as her warning the other co-workers who were talking to me, I'm not sure if she had. I think one of my co-workers might've told me if she warned them, but I forgot. All I know is she hadn't said anything to me or tell me to stop talking.

Now how did this start, what things as she done and what things have you done to get to this stage?

I have no idea, seriously, how this started, I'm baffled myself. She's never done anything to me before that incident and I never did anything to her either. She actually seemed to like me in the beginning, she always smiled at me when she saw me. Like I said the only reason I can think of as to why she wouldn't like me, is because maybe she noticed in the past how I would turn around to check her out. I tried to make it as least obvious as possible, but maybe through her peripheral vision she was able to see me looking at her. I mean when a guy turns around to check a chick out and she see's this, it does come off a bit AFC. Hopefully you know that.

in what regards do you have to deal with her? is your dealings once daily, twice daily, or constant through-out the day, what does she do.

She supervises me that's all, that's the only dealings I have with her. The only time I deal with her is when I have a question. Some day's I don't deal with her at all.

also the incident where the supervisor wrote you up.

What do you expect?

??? Dude, you serious? What do you mean what do I expect? You mean to tell me it was fair to write me up without asking me what happened first? Even Wyldfire pointed out she was wrong for that. Come on man, that doesn't make any sense.

You should have ignored the co-worker and got on with your work, at the first sign of an issue you should have reported it to the supervisor and not taken it into your own hands.

??? Ignored him after he started literally for no reason with a wise a$$/sarcastic comment? He's known for being a wise a$$ to people, he's had confrontation with a number of people who work there. My buddy who just became one of the supervisor's there had a problem with him in the past due to him being a wise a$$. I'll hold my tongue with a supervisor/boss, but there's no way I'm gonna take **** from another co-worker. It's bad enough I gotta take sh*t from a cvnt of a female boss, no way I'm taking anyone else's sh*t.

No offence but you seem to be a bit of a loose cannon.

Loose cannon? On the basis of what?? Because I think it's unfair that my supervisor wrote me up without confronting me, and because everytime she see's me she seems cold??

also her doing things by the book should not matter if your where doing your job correctly, in that effect 'by the book' means she is acting on your preformance, which means she as nothing on you if your whiter then white.

I do do my job correctly. Like I said there are those with whom she doesn't go "by the book" with. A lot of people do jack sh*t and are never said a word to by her. Favortism is not cool and not professional.

Sorry i see wolfs scream like lambs when the shi* hits the fan, i will reserve my judgement on this post till i see more situations where this supervisor is out of order, all i am seeing so far is you making silly mistakes and feeding what ever Paranoia you have going!

???

aslo we know nothing about what that co-worker said to you, you missed that out, we dont know what you said to him in return. He may have called you some silly name and you reacted by threatening him, well if thats the case, your lucky your still hired (we can all jump to conclusions bud)!

I can't remember exactly what happened, wish I did, but all I remember is he was being sarcastic and a prick for no reason. That I know for sure.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way... Writing somebody out or reporting somebody to another boss WITHOUT first talking with the person is a clear indication that she is a poor manager or at least inexperience. There nothing you can do about that.

Now, checking your female boss out is a HUGE mistake. Many female bosses resent that.

Confronting the co-worker in work grounds with witnesses and all is not a good idea either.

And the fact that you signed the paper in which you were write up is literally an admission to guilt.

Now...I will agree that going to other supervisors or bosses and tell them that you get distracted is wrong. In that case, you MUST talk with her. Tell her that it is important that she tells you what you are doing wrong. That you have a right to given the oportunity to improve. And that is done by her communicating the issues to you.

If that does not change, then complain to her boss. Or do whatever it takes.

But keep a log book with dates and times of incidents or show of favoritism.

And make sure you meet ALL your deadlines and keep a log book with all your tasks and completion date. Heck, email her everytime you finish a big project (and save emails).

Also, improve your attitude. You should not care about what others do. Worry about you doing what's appropriate.

 

[edger]

And the fact that you signed the paper in which you were write up is literally an admission to guilt.

I don't remember signing anything.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

If you could kick the ass of the person responsible for most of your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week.

First, clear your mind, then open it to the possibility you have been screwing up at work but are not aware of it. Now calmly approach her and tell her you want to clear the air, and ask her opinion of how you do your job and how you could improve. Then listen with an open mind, and respond calmly and thoughtfully. During this "adult" conversation, bring up the incident concerning the "write up" and in addition to explaining your side of the story, ask her if in the future she would at least hear your side of things before reaching any conclusion. Remember, open mind, calmly, and thoughtfully, and welcome to the human race.

 

[edger]

A DJ would not whine about his job or his supervisor like you are. Learn how to build a better relationship with people you work with or find a new job. Don't b1tch again if your new boss is even worse. Or when you're in the welfare line.

I don't think I'd go as far as to classify it as a typical case of "whinning".