Running into the same kinds of women.

[Tilex]

I'm dating a chick who I'm sure has a notch count of about 20 and she is the most clingy person I've ever met.

How did you get that information?
What made you assume it was 20?

 

[DonJuanjr]

She claimed to have had a really dominate, verbally/emotionally abusive ex husband (who she divorced 6 months before she and I met). If that is accurate, perhaps it resulted in her seeking comfort in relationships where she feels she wears the pants and has zero risk of losing him and knows she will be pedestalized forever.

I have a neighbor couple that fits this description.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The thing with me is that I got a huge head on my D, like it's not long but girthy to the point of pain. Today I walked into Tim's to get a coffee, this woman was standing there, her thighs were like ski poles, was probably 35-40, just based on my experience no way is she gonna be able to take it.

So I'm usually upfront about sexual compatibility, in the past I've spent a month chasing just to get it and it aint gonna fit? F#ck that noise

 

[The Duke]

I'm honestly getting tired for only coming across 2 types of women.

The avoidant & and the anxious clinger.

The past few years it seems these are the two types that I just can't get away from. And worse yet is it takes a little time until you see these ones for what they are. Bat ****.

The avoidant ones;
We have that instant chemistry and it looks like I am about to sail on calm waters and finally get passed the superficial couple of dates and get to know someone who is cool as **** and there is mutual attraction and interest. They are initially pursuing, and making an effort, then one day without warning they shut off and suddenly go ice cold. I've noticed that the more in my masculine I am the quicker this happens too. Like they see it as a way of trying to gain the upper hand so they don't have to be submissive. Being submissive means being vulnerable, being vulnerable means you have the power to hurt them. They are terrified of that so cut you off, shut up shop and blame you for something they took as game playing/playerish (ie being legit busy, inviting them to your town). But they also get confused when you walk way because they secretly desire closeness (google attachment theory, fearful avoidant). My ex was like this and rail roaded us into the ground because she was afraid of being hurt if we got any closer. As soon as she introduced me to her parents and they liked me I was out. No talking, just done. They also have similar traits to borderline NPD. So dodged a bullet here.

The anxious clinger
Starts out extremely similar to the avoidant but is much easier to set up dates with. They aren't as much fun but they aren't worth nexting either. They go out of their way to be available for you, they want to make you food and take care of you. That's cool and nice, but a part of you feels like they do this without you having done anything to earn that kinda treatment. They are super impressed by you and show you off to their friends and want you to meet their family. But if you have any concerns that they are moving too fast for you ("what are we?" on date 5) they suddenly get all panicked and start to pursue you even more. I had one send me a good morning text everyday. And would want to text me all day everyday. If I said I was busy, 2 hours would go by and then I'd get a "how is your day going" text. We hadn't even had the exclusive talk when I heard her mom on the phone to her say "are you with your boyfriend Datinglife26?" to which she replied "yeah we are at the beach"....That was at week 7 and all we had done was hook up and go for walks. Also dodge a bullet with these girls.


Both of the above suffer from ruminations of impending doom and dread that they will lose you and be hurt. They both go about it in different ways based on their childhoods and relationships with their parents. But in the end they both crash and burn the relationships.

But man, I just don't see who these well adjusted girls are. I am 27 and trying to pay attention to early signs. But it seems high quality well adjusted women are super ****ing rare.

Any you older guys have this issue and what did you do to change your screening process?

Well stated, you are very wise for your age and that in itself will be to your benefit. It's not any better in your 30's or 40's.

With each new sexual relationship a woman has, the more damaged she becomes. It effects her ability to pair bond and have healthy relations with men.

You stay away from the avoidant types by not getting serious with anyone that has been with more than 4 guys by her 30's. They should have been in mostly long term relationships.

The clingers are easy to spot. they come on fast, way too nice way early.

 

[The Duke]

The faster they come, the faster they leave.

 

[SammyNfor]

How did you get that information?
What made you assume it was 20?

I didn't assume. I was using her iPad and I came across a list she had made of the guys she had banged with ratings. It was a list she had made to send to her friend

 

[bat soup]

You just need to filter better. If you notice that a girl is mentally unstable, don't make her your girlfriend.

 

[Datinglife26]

You just need to filter better. If you notice that a girl is mentally unstable, don't make her your girlfriend.

The sex is always better with those girls Lol

But yeah I know.

 

[bat soup]

The sex is always better with those girls Lol

But yeah I know.

Hhh. Yes, that's true.

 

[derby1]

Told me the 6 year age gap meant I wanted a family and that she doesn't (I never mentioned that.

welcome to the gaslighting world of your dating options.

lets face it, its a red flag if a woman is even single, they get 100 DM's a day for purely breathing, we do not get that offer.

and every good woman i know, you can guarantee shes in a LTR