Running into an Ex after a bad ending.

[headFirst]

So, for those of you who have ended things with an ex on bad terms how have you handled running into her again months down the road?

Me and the last girl I was seeing, obviously things ended badly. I went a little AFC and tried talking to her a few times nothing really bad.. but I use the term AFC because I actually tried "fixing" things..

Well I've been told by a few friends they've seen this girl around the bar I usually go to here at college. She has graduated last year but she still comes back around to hang with her sorority sisters.. So anyway she usually comes out on the weekends and I've been going out more on Thursdays and haven't been there on weekends much. But I'm gonna start going there more often again.

The thing is I haven't seen her since May. We left on good terms when I left my home state for an internship ( we were more back to friends at this point but I still had feelings for her).. and over the summer things went really bad (shes the reason I'm on this site..) and we went to not talking and her telling me not to talk to her anymore when I tried walking away after I was fed up with trying to be her friend but still had feelings. She didn't like the fact I tried walking away and we got in this big argument. Well anyway I tried "fixing" things and then things really went south when I made a few negative comments (there is a huge back story, but that's not important both of us acted badly and said hurtful things which I def regret but for the purpose of this thread I won't get into it) to her when she told me to just leave her the F!ck alone at this point.. So regardless this whole situation ruined my summer and had me depressed for all of it.. In fact I'm still not 100% over it.

When I got back I tried reconciling once more since I was in town. but still she was adamant about not talking anymore.. which I feel she took all this too far; but I think she just wanted continue banging guys and not worry about hurting me or whatever..

So now I'm heading out tonight soon in a but and I still get butterflies in my stomach worrying about running into her.. I feel I don't owe her a hello or anything.. but what would you guys do in that situation?

 

[headFirst]

Anybody? I'm heading out soon.. Thoughts appreciated.


Scars,

I'm maxed on posts for now.. but I can go to other bars but the other well, suck. And this one is my favorite and me and my friends always go to it.. So I figure this is my school too I shouldn't have to rearrange my life for one single person.. I wont get sloppy either.. I plan on only going out for a beer or two as I am driving.. I got sloppy last night. I'm good for a while. I just like going out and talking to girls and hanging with friends. I just would hate to see her because I honestly wouldn't know what to say to her. Sure I would love for her to come up to me and try talking once she sees me.. and we'd be reunited.. a fairy tail ending but obviously that's far from reality and will prob end up her not saying anything to me.. and me doing the same to her.. but I'm honestly not sure if it will make me feel like sh~t or not.

 

[Three]

I know exactly how you feel, dude. I'm dreading running into my ex as she works very close to where I live. I would play it cool, though. Just smile and say "Hi" and go on your way as if nothing happened. After that initial meeting is past, things will get easier.

 

[Scars]

You know you don't have to go to the bar she is known to frequent right? I say if you can't control your emotions, then don't go. It's going to be awkward whether you are on good terms or bad terms either way.

By going you risk the possibility of becoming a sloppy drunk and trying to "fix things" once again. Not only that, but she will point you out to all her girlfriends and tell them how horrible you are, how you have a small pen1s, and were sh1tty lover.

By not going you risk nothing.

I'm not saying you should be a recluse, but don't set yourself up for disaster either. I'm sure there's other bars/activities you can suggest right?

-Scars

 

[Three]

Scars makes a very good point. To be honest, I've been doing everything I can to avoid my ex because I don't think I can handle it right now. If you're feeling that sensitive, go someplace else. I've found all kinds of new places I like to hang out just in the last few months.

 

[Scars]

I'm maxed on posts for now.. but I can go to other bars but the other well, suck. And this one is my favorite and me and my friends always go to it.. So I figure this is my school too I shouldn't have to rearrange my life for one single person.. I wont get sloppy either.. I plan on only going out for a beer or two as I am driving.. I got sloppy last night. I'm good for a while. I just like going out and talking to girls and hanging with friends. I just would hate to see her because I honestly wouldn't know what to say to her. Sure I would love for her to come up to me and try talking once she sees me.. and we'd be reunited.. a fairy tail ending but obviously that's far from reality and will prob end up her not saying anything to me.. and me doing the same to her.. but I'm honestly not sure if it will make me feel like sh~t or not.

You're right, you shouldn't sacrifice your own happiness for her and if that's the bar you like, then by all means go. But I think it could wait at a more appropriate time when you have your head straight. You even said yourself, "Sure I would love for her to come up to me and try talking once she sees me.. and we'd be reunited.. a fairy tail ending.." that's not how people who are completely over their ex talk, and that's the mindset you truly need to be in.

Also, (for other guys in similar situations) there's nothing wrong with running into an ex and if she approaches you and telling her you don't wanna talk. It's not being bitter, it's just coming to terms that this is the end. You're not looking for a friendship, you had a romantic relationship and now it's over, you don't want to be a part time "friends" or her emotional tampon.

-Scars