Run and hide, or tough it out?

[Firefly]

I have written here before about my previous experiences with a social group in which several of the members were very keen to remove me so they could take over the position. As a result, they encouraged a girl I hooked up with to say I had taken advantage of her while drunk, and got me kicked out of the group, and kept trash-talking me for the next three years.

Since then, I managed to build a new social life and make new friends. Unfortunately, it seems the members of my old social group (which diminished in numbers considerably due to the behaviour of these members) are now trying to join the social circles that I am part of. I initially felt anxious because I had spent a lot of time rebuilding my social networks, and I was concerned they would start spreading the same rumors about me in these new circles to try to build themselves up again, so my initial reaction was to leave. However, I also am feeling a little tired of running and feeling a little afraid of the haters, so I now want to stick it out and deal with the rumors as they come. Any thoughts on whether this is a sensible option?

 

[Desdinova]

I managed to build a new social life and make new friends. Unfortunately, it seems the members of my old social group (which diminished in numbers considerably due to the behaviour of these members) are now trying to join the social circles that I am part of. I initially felt anxious because I had spent a lot of time rebuilding my social networks, and I was concerned they would start spreading the same rumors about me in these new circles to try to build themselves up again, so my initial reaction was to leave. However, I also am feeling a little tired of running and feeling a little afraid of the haters, so I now want to stick it out and deal with the rumors as they come. Any thoughts on whether this is a sensible option?

Without any details, it's difficult to figure out exactly what's going on. How did the people from your old social network come to learn of your new one? Why would they want to join it? If they didn't give a 5hit about you, they won't be bothered to join it.

If you have value and respect in your new social network, then some outsider shouldn't have any effect on the others' opinion of you.

Also, what are the bad rumors? The part about taking advantage of the chick?

What I always did with stuff like that is make fun of myself with regards to the rumors. If you take it seriously, then other people will as well. If you treat it as a joke, the others will treat it the same.

they encouraged a girl I hooked up with to say I had taken advantage of her while drunk

Come up with a counter-attack with regards to this, and keep it in the back of your mind. Say something like, "Yup, that's me! The serial rapist! You should see how many of them I murder and keep in my freezer." You say something like this, and the rest of the group will laugh and think she's just a disgruntled psycho ex.

 

[Tictac]

This sh*t is going on among adults?

Sounds like middle school.

 

[Dreesy]

I personally wouldn't engage with anyone from the previous group, and would look at it as moving on. Basically a form of no contact, if they contact me asking for invites or what I'm doing, I'll pay it no mind and won't respond.

Be very careful with vampiric people, they will drain you and make you feel like **** and they will want to follow you around when you try to leave them.

 

[sodbuster]

I'd just tell my new friends, "there's a reason I quit hanging out with them, they want to spend too much time gossiping and backstabbing other's" and end the conversation... When the games start again. The old friends will be the one's leaving

 

[guru1000]

Operate from a mindset of fear or fearlessness. You choose.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Operate from a mindset of fear or fearlessness. You choose.

^This

I've had to deal with $hit in my past, some it not unlike what you are dealing with OP. I've handled some things the right way, while some other I've dealt with the wrong way.

This is a test. Can you handle it?

Are you going to cower and run and hide under your bed? Or are you going to stand up for yourself, and not let these fools affect you. Fvck these guys. If they start getting up to their old tricks then your new crew will take cues from your reaction. Do those old clowns have any power over you?

People respect strength. Someone that stands up for themself. Someone that can handle $hit like this. If worse comes to worse, you may need to teach one of these $hit birds a lesson....:trouble: Then if they start spewing their venom, tell the truth, your side. Your new crew may have their doubts, but if you stand by your convictions and "deal" with it, then those guys will be seen for what they really are.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Firefly,
Hmm,nasty and it is worrying you,this has been going on a long time....very difficult to win....Do the unexpected,always speak well of them and be Civil....You cant keep running!

 

[logicallefty]

Try other suggestions from other guys here first, all of them, but otherwise:

You could always write the person talking sh|t about you a "cease and desist" letter. In a nutshell a cease and desist letter is a legal letter saying "stop what you are doing or I will take you to court".

This may sound drastic, but most of the time a letter like this will do the trick.

And if you are wondering if you can actually take a person to court for slander and collect damages, YES YOU CAN.

A woman I know took another woman to small claims over several issues in 2013. Woman #2 had made ONE slanderous Facebook post about woman #1, ONE POST.. And the Judge ordered #2 to pay #1 several hundred dollars in damages.

So exhaust all other options first but think about this as plan-B.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lefty,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
An amazing Post Brother!

 

[logicallefty]

Dear Lefty,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
An amazing Post Brother!