"Romantic Rivalry" ??

[iqqi]

Joekerr, thanks for responding, however your advice is akin to me telling you guys to show a woman you care and are interested by bringing her flowers, and throwing your coat over a puddle, because lord knows women aren't used to good men, they are used to dogs and being cheated on.

I'm not opposed to buying a guy a beer in general, but its not something I'd do for an initial encounter.

 

[iqqi]

if this were some guy on here telling us how he and a buddy went to a bar and he was super in to some chic playing darts and at the end of the night the chic gave his buddy her number what do you think we'd be saying to him?

and imagine he then says 'naw guys, i think she only did that so that she could get closer to me."

we'd be verbally slapping the sh*t out of him.

you were a peacock. you fluffed up your beautiful feathers and waited for him to want more.

wrong move.

women, just like men, have to let hte other sex know they like them. and not just flirting.

you could have done a million things...

- buy him a beer
- drop an opening like 'you know, i haven't been a museum in forever.' (if he likes you he'll say: ya me neither. say listen, do you want to check one out sometime?")

etc.

women have two options. either you try to lure him in by being overtly sexual (ie. very flirty, stroke his ego, etc. - which it sounds like your friend did when you werent around) or by giving the guy a fairly overt signal / opening.

I said I HOPE that he did that to get to me, I know that hope is far from most likely.

And we were building up to the asking out part. It was THISCLOSE. Then drunk guy came up, Crush had to go, and my girl gave him her #. Argh.

I would never advise anyone to just throw their hand on the table. Male or female. That is not smart. I appreciate a slow and sexy build up. And it was building up just fine. Of course, if he is just looking for the easiest way IN, (if you catch my drift), that would be my friend, and not me. Hope that isn't how it ends.

 

[ketostix]

..the biggest thing you could have done to let this guy know you were in to him and that you wanted to actually go out would have been to buy him a beer. when his beer got low you should have gone up and said 'hey jim, im going to get a beer, do you want one, its on me."

Yeah iqqi you should've bought him a drink but make sure you don't make him feel any any obligations. :crackup:

She is easy. Plain and simple. And yeah, it that is what he wants, then it probably wouldn't work out with us anyways. I hope that isn't the case, though.

Well hate to tell you but all indications are that is what he wants.

 

[joekerr31]

Joekerr, thanks for responding, however your advice is akin to me telling you guys to show a woman you care and are interested by bringing her flowers, and throwing your coat over a puddle, because lord knows women aren't used to good men, they are used to dogs and being cheated on.

I'm not opposed to buying a guy a beer in general, but its not something I'd do for an initial encounter.

are you nuts? most men, EVEN THE DOGS, typically treat women like princesses in the beginning.

they DO bring her flowers nad throw their coat on a puddle (well you know what i mean).

as for not buying a guy beer, why not? you do realize i just gave you GOLD and you are throwing it away. you should ask yourself why that is.

because other women don't do it? because its not 'right' (although i dont know how you could possibly argue that).

because if he likes you he'll come to you?

iqqi, heres a dude you've had a crush on for 6 years. you say you only see him a couple times a year. so THIS WAS YOUR CHANCE. and you blew it. and you might not get another chance for another 6 months.

so next time you see him, BUY HIM A f*CKING BEER! trust me, if you've got any shot with this guy you'll get him with all of 30 seconds effort.

 

[joekerr31]

I said I HOPE that he did that to get to me, I know that hope is far from most likely.

And we were building up to the asking out part. It was THISCLOSE. Then drunk guy came up, Crush had to go, and my girl gave him her #. Argh.

I would never advise anyone to just throw their hand on the table. Male or female. That is not smart. I appreciate a slow and sexy build up. And it was building up just fine. Of course, if he is just looking for the easiest way IN, (if you catch my drift), that would be my friend, and not me. Hope that isn't how it ends.

you are rationalize sticking to the game you know - the female game of luring a man in (while you call it a slow and sexy build up).

buying him a beer or giving him an opening during a conversation by hinting how you say havent' been to a concert in a while is SIMPLE and its very unobtrusive.

you are exhibiting the traits that 99.999% of women exhibit. they are peacocks who try to draw a man in.

as a result, they miss out on tons of quality men and have to settle for the men who approach them. hence we get guys on here asking 'how come women like *ssholes so much?"

ummm, because the *ssholes ask them out. simple as that.

i've known at least a dozen women in my time who i know were totally ga-ga over me (confirmed through mutual friends or whatever). and you know what, they never initiated. they just kept flirting and flirting, waiting and hoping.
i feel bad for them.

but you know what, i like a woman who has a back bone and can act on how she feels.

 

[ketostix]

iqqi, heres a dude you've had a crush on for 6 years. you say you only see him a couple times a year. so THIS WAS YOUR CHANCE. and you blew it. and you might not get another chance for another 6 months.

Yeah but iqqi's girl friend is probably going to be doing him within the next 6 hours :woo: . Sorry, I couldn't resist but there is a point there.

 

[iqqi]

are you nuts? most men, EVEN THE DOGS, typically treat women like princesses in the beginning.

they DO bring her flowers nad throw their coat on a puddle (well you know what i mean).

as for not buying a guy beer, why not? you do realize i just gave you GOLD and you are throwing it away. you should ask yourself why that is.

because other women don't do it? because its not 'right' (although i dont know how you could possibly argue that).

because if he likes you he'll come to you?

iqqi, heres a dude you've had a crush on for 6 years. you say you only see him a couple times a year. so THIS WAS YOUR CHANCE. and you blew it. and you might not get another chance for another 6 months.

so next time you see him, BUY HIM A f*CKING BEER! trust me, if you've got any shot with this guy you'll get him with all of 30 seconds effort.

That is the most AFC advice anyone could give someone, Joekerr. LOL! I KNOW you mean well, and that you think that is gold. And its something I do for a guy in the initial dating process. But NOT in the FIRST ENCOUNTER.

But the truth is, most women think that THEY are the ones treating men like kings in the beginning, just like you think men are the ones treating women like princesses.

I am not going to throw myself on someguy (or throw him a beer). Just like you guys shouldn't, either. He is used to women and attention. He doesn't need any extra ego stroking, he doesn't come across as burned or bitter, I didn't need to do anything that obvious just yet. I prefer to let him wonder a little, it is the smartest move a person could make in any kind of relationship. I don't recommend being obvious to anyone.

 

[joekerr31]

That is the most AFC advice anyone could give someone, Joekerr. LOL! I KNOW you mean well, and that you think that is gold. And its something I do for a guy in the initial dating process. But NOT in the FIRST ENCOUNTER.

argh.

the first encounter is the only place where differentiating yourself matters!

if you could land this guy there would be no need to buy him a beer. you're buying the beer to let him know you are interested in him. and it also lets him know you aren't like other women.

god, how do women survive in this world thinking this way?

wait i know, they wait for some guy to come along and sweep them off their feet.

 

[iqqi]

you are rationalize sticking to the game you know - the female game of luring a man in (while you call it a slow and sexy build up).

buying him a beer or giving him an opening during a conversation by hinting how you say havent' been to a concert in a while is SIMPLE and its very unobtrusive.

you are exhibiting the traits that 99.999% of women exhibit. they are peacocks who try to draw a man in.

as a result, they miss out on tons of quality men and have to settle for the men who approach them. hence we get guys on here asking 'how come women like *ssholes so much?"

ummm, because the *ssholes ask them out. simple as that.

i've known at least a dozen women in my time who i know were totally ga-ga over me (confirmed through mutual friends or whatever). and you know what, they never initiated. they just kept flirting and flirting, waiting and hoping.
i feel bad for them.

but you know what, i like a woman who has a back bone and can act on how she feels.

Thanks Joe, but maybe you missed the part where I went over to where he was and joined his friends. I gave him the opening just fine. Which he took! And I kept him coming back because I was receptive and engaging and obviously interested.

I don't WANT him to know I had a small crush on him. I firmly believe a little chase is important. You may disagree, we will have to checkmate there.

We were getting to the future talk. The last exchange between us, was the things you say right before you ask someone out. I'd give you a play by play, but I don't want to be outted!

 

[iqqi]

argh.

the first encounter is the only place where differentiating yourself matters!

if you could land this guy there would be no need to buy him a beer. you're buying the beer to let him know you are interested in him. and it also lets him know you aren't like other women.

god, how do women survive in this world thinking this way?

wait i know, they wait for some guy to come along and sweep them off their feet.

Just like you men shouldn't have to buy a chick a drink to differentiate yourselves from the other blokes (thats afc, right?), I wouldn't think that would be the way to go for me either.

I was differentiating myself just fine through subject matter. You guys call it rapport and IL raising. His was through the roof, DAMN MY FRIEND.

 

[joekerr31]

btw, my advice to both men and women is that if you like someone LET THEM KNOW.

life is too damn short to be playing games.

and i hope guys are reading this thread. because what they will see is that ALL women basically live AFC lives.

they don't have the balls (literally and figuratively) to step up to the plate and go after what they want.

as a result, they get stuck with whatever the winds of life blows their way. and hence why so many of them get so angry later in life and feel like they've been 'ripped' off.

if you want a guy, then you gotta go get him. flirt fine. if that doesn't close the deal, buy him a beer. still no deal? ask him out then!

the people who find happiness in this world are the people who chase down their dreams - who chase after the things they want. life has a strange way of meeting these people half way.

but unless a guy has the hots for you, the peacock method has a low % of success.

and you can tell yourself that everything was going fine and that he was going to close the deal - but trust me, if he was, he would have, regardless of the other male.

 

[joekerr31]

Just like you men shouldn't have to buy a chick a drink to differentiate yourselves from the other blokes (thats afc, right?), I wouldn't think that would be the way to go for me either.

I was differentiating myself just fine through subject matter. You guys call it rapport and IL raising. His was through the roof, DAMN MY FRIEND.

ugh.

well ive never said a man shouldnt buy a drink.

and regardless, the advice im giving you is way different than what id advise a man. your a woman.

and fyi, you REALLY need to look yourself in the mirror on this one, because you are totally rationalize the outcome by using yoru friend as an excuse.

 

[iqqi]

Thanks Joe, but maybe you missed the part where I went over to where he was and joined his friends. I gave him the opening just fine. Which he took! And I kept him coming back because I was receptive and engaging and obviously interested.!

Just so you know, this was very scary for me. I was quite nervous, and I am NEVER nervous. I kept having to ask my girl if I sounded nervous, in the beginning, when he'd walk away to shoot darts. There was some initial shy quietness, because I couldn't believe how great it was going.

 

[iqqi]

btw, my advice to both men and women is that if you like someone LET THEM KNOW.

life is too damn short to be playing games.

and i hope guys are reading this thread. because what they will see is that ALL women basically live AFC lives.

they don't have the balls (literally and figuratively) to step up to the plate and go after what they want.

as a result, they get stuck with whatever the winds of life blows their way. and hence why so many of them get so angry later in life and feel like they've been 'ripped' off.

if you want a guy, then you gotta go get him. flirt fine. if that doesn't close the deal, buy him a beer. still no deal? ask him out then!

the people who find happiness in this world are the people who chase down their dreams - who chase after the things they want. life has a strange way of meeting these people half way.

but unless a guy has the hots for you, the peacock method has a low % of success.

and you can tell yourself that everything was going fine and that he was going to close the deal - but trust me, if he was, he would have, regardless of the other male.

I'm not going to do all the work. I opened, he can close.

Truth is, the old friend was too much of a c0ckblock. Crush was obviously annoyed with Old Acquaintance for the same reasons I was, and was obviously happy when I flirted with him as he was leaving. I wrote off seeing Crush for awhile, but I knew once I did there would be a positive outcome. When my girl told me she gave him her #, is when I found myself in a bad situation.

That b!tch! Dammit.

I should point out that the # exchange happened right next to me, as they were standing there like 2 feet from me.

 

[MacAvoy]

I went to the bar looking for my girl, and ran into an old friend. Why would I blow off an old friend, because I am a branch swinging monkey and need to keep other options open

Ok I went and read the entire thread and I agree with all the advice given by the DJ's. You should have been direct and let him know you liked him, you should have either number closed him, or bought him a beer if you wanted him to number close you.

As for the above quote, its was in reference to you being indirect. You called the advice you were given AFC, however whats AFC for a man, isn't AFC for a women.

However your acting like a typical AFC does here and refuses to listen to the advice your given, refute it, and rationalize your mistakes.

 

[iqqi]

Ok I went and read the entire thread and I agree with all the advice given by the DJ's. You should have been direct and let him know you liked him, you should have either number closed him, or bought him a beer if you wanted him to number close you.

As for the above quote, its was in reference to you being indirect. You called the advice you were given AFC, however whats AFC for a man, isn't AFC for a women.

However your acting like a typical AFC does here and refuses to listen to the advice your given, refute it, and rationalize your mistakes.

AFC is just code word for supplicating, pansy, doormat, desperate, loser. And those come in both female and male models.

What's lame for a man is also usually lame for a woman.

It's called self respect. There is a number of reasons why I wouldn't throw myself on a guy no matter how much I like him. I don't know him, is the number one reason.

He could be a jerk, he could be an idiot.

Just like you guys shouldn't throw yourself on some chick, for a bunch of reasons. It is a lot of the same ones! Once you realize this, you might be on to something!

 

[Mr.Positive]

I don't WANT him to know I had a small crush on him. I firmly believe a little chase is important. You may disagree, we will have to checkmate there.

Iqqi, props for having the courage to post your situation here.

First off, life is about taking chances, going for it. I think that's what Joekerr's getting at, and I agree.

It's about being different, if 99% of women are playing the flirty covert 'game', if you are in the 1%, that actually be overt, you will stand out.

You probably could have closed the deal by buying him a drink, like joekerr suggested....because it's different!! 99% of women would do the same thing as you did, and then analyze the results later, and dream of next opportunity...

When guys buy flowers, etc..remember that he's doing what 99% of guys do, trying to buy her affection, that's why by not doing that, and focus on 'game' for a guy, put's the guy in the 1% different catagory.

As a guy, if I'm interested in a gal, nothing personally is better, than for her to give me a blatant green light..something that I will not misinterpret.

Also, on a side note, consider you may increased your friend's attaction for him as well..by giving him value. You created competition in her mind. Therefore, she may be the one who took a chance, and was overt.

 

[iqqi]

And I do appreciate your feedback on the whole exchange between me and Crush, because I like other viewpoints, and sometimes do catch an interesting idea, however I am not asking for advice on that. I had that part down just fine and how I liked it. THAT part went great.

Its the FRIEND. The FRIEND.

 

[joekerr31]

iqqi...

if you had bought him a beer, i guarantee you that if he was interested in you he would have come and found you before leaving and thanked you for the beer and probably asked you out.

you can keep thinking things went the way they did cuz your gf ****blocked you, but that doesn't change the outcome.

it went down the way it did because you didn't try hard enough. you flirted - fine. you had a good conversation - fine. but so what, you did what 99% of all women do.

you did NOTHING to say to this guy 'im different than most women you'll meet.'

like a typical woman you think all you gotta do is be flaunt your feathers and then that alone should get you the guy.

well, keep doing that and youll keep getting the same results that all women get. sometimes youll luck in, sometimes you wont.

but if you want advice on how to get what you want MOST of the time, then you'd listen to the advice i gave you

 

[iqqi]

Iqqi, props for having the courage to post your situation here.

First off, life is about taking chances, going for it. I think that's what Joekerr's getting at, and I agree.

It's about being different, if 99% of women are playing the flirty covert 'game', if you are in the 1%, that actually be overt, you will stand out.

You probably could have closed the deal by buying him a drink, like joekerr suggested....because it's different!! 99% of women would do the same thing as you did, and then analyze the results later, and dream of next opportunity...

When guys buy flowers, etc..remember that he's doing what 99% of guys do, trying to buy her affection, that's why by not doing that, and focus on 'game' for a guy, put's the guy in the 1% different catagory.

As a guy, if I'm interested in a gal, nothing personally is better, than for her to give me a blatant green light..something that I will not misinterpret.

Also, on a side note, consider you may increased your friend's attaction for him as well..by giving him value. You created competition in her mind. Therefore, she may be the one who took a chance, and was overt.

Ok, ok, I have to say it. YOU guys might not be used to OVERTNESS from a woman. But guess what. It aint that rare.

Women throw themselves on men all the time. There were a few that did just that while I was over there. I think I stood out by NOT doing that. I was the only one HE was going to. Girls were coming over to him... OVERTLY.

And I see that sh!t all the time.