"Romantic Rivalry" ??

[iqqi]

And yes, the Crush's behavior is also outside of Iqqi's control, but it's certainly worth observing. For the most part, people are creatures of habit, and it helps to get a fix on those habits before one decides whether to commit oneself.

Now THAT is something to consider.

 

[ketostix]

I think RoseMarie is Wyldfire. Carry on with the regularly scheduled topic of splitting hairs in this thread..

 

[Rosemarie]

I think RoseMarie is Wyldfire. Carry on with the regularly scheduled topic of splitting hairs in this thread..

Yup, there are reasons why I've never posted before and will not continue.

Iqqi, if you want to talk a bit more, PM me. Do it quick, though, because this might very well have cured me of lurking.

Interceptor, thanks for the armor, and it's been a pleasure talking to you.

 

[LovelyLady]

Iqqi,

It is my opinion, big picture, your friend could have been any woman there that looked, and behaved, in a way that attracted Crush. I don't think it serves you longterm to focus on the other woman specifically.

You did something that made this guy lose interest in you and move on to another woman - your friend was "next in line" in terms of who he had been relating with through the course of the evening - she really could have been any other woman on his radar that night.

We can philosophize all we want about "girl code" or that your friend didn't stay in her place and only serve as a wingman to your game - but the fact is, your girl friend did everything right to attract Crush - whether intentional or not. This is an opportunity to learn from her.

You say the girl is intelligent, funny, attractive, and ultimately has a good heart. Assuming all things are equal between you two, your friend stayed available to Crush - while you went off to talk to some other guy (and took Crush's interest for granted, IMO.) That is the difference. Crush watched how both of you acted/treated him.

A woman has every right to talk to who she wants, but it is unrealistic to expect a good man to be put "on hold" if she goes off and talks to another guy.

You said you have liked this guy for 6 years and yet chose to spend 15 minutes of choice flirting and connecting time that could have been with him, with Old Acquaintance and not on the guy you really liked. Why would Crush think that after 6 years you are now genuinely interested and not just flirting for sport, when you disappear to talk to another man?

You said Crush had deflected your friend several times earlier in the evening - that was respectful of him, I think. And how did your behavior reward Crush? You went off and talked to another guy.

It may be your right to talk to other men, but the action did not get you the man you wanted.

The pivotal occurance was not your friend, her age, how close she stood to Crush at any given moment. Nor was it drunk Old Acquaintance approaching.

The pivotal moment was when you chose to spend 15 minutes talking with Old Acquaintance hoping

"This... was perfect, as it gave my crush time to miss me and wonder where I was, and of course could create the perfect stirring of competition to heat the situation up."

It has been my experience that as a woman, my seduction time is best spent actually enjoying my man rather than trying to stir up his competitive energy.


I think it is good that in your mind it is no longer "about" Crush... when you move through this to where you realize it is also not about Old Acquaintance approaching drunk later - or about your friend giving or not giving her number... then you are left with your self and the choices you made that night. When you look at what actions brought you connection with the man, and which actions didn't - that is the solution that will serve you in the future. Then you can be friends with the hottest, youngest, most sexually aggressive women and they will not pose a threat to you getting and keeping your Crush. Because it really has nothing to do with other women at all.

With respect,

LL

 

[Obsidian]

haha, iqqi's fellow females are now condemning her attention-wh0ring, manipulative tactics

 

[LovelyLady]

haha, iqqi's fellow females are now condemning her attention-wh0ring, manipulative tactics

No Obsidian. I do not condemn Iqqi. I do not believe Iqqi was AWing. I believe she just made a judgement call to try to raise a guy's interest and the tactic was ineffective.

As Interceptor so aptly put it, she cannot control anything or anyone but her own actions. I am simply trying to help her move through that process, as I respect her.

 

[penkitten]

Yup, there are reasons why I've never posted before and will not continue.

Iqqi, if you want to talk a bit more, PM me. Do it quick, though, because this might very well have cured me of lurking.

Interceptor, thanks for the armor, and it's been a pleasure talking to you.

rosemarie, you have been a great addition to the board here, i ask you to reconsider not posting anymore. i feel as if you have already contributed much more than many of the members who have been posting much longer.

 

[LeComteDeMonteCristo]

You said you have liked this guy for 6 years and yet chose to spend 15 minutes of choice flirting and connecting time that could have been with him, with Old Acquaintance and not on the guy you really liked.

I think it is unfair to criticize iqqi on this point. I have no idea what kind of "plotting" was going through her mind at the time but spending a little time talking to an old acquaintance you've just run into is a pretty normal thing to do. Normal people (i.e. people who actually have friends and don't spend every night behind their keyboard theorizing) would do the same.

iqqi, the thing I would tell any guy is that you can't win them all no matter how "tight" your "game" is.

Maybe he thought she was more attractive than you, maybe he thought she was easier than you, maybe he felt like going for someone new rather than someone he has already known for six years. There could be any number of reasons why he chose her over you that have nothing to do with your actions on the night. That you're dissecting and over-analyzing the interaction shows you're coming from a scarcity rather than an abundance mentality.

As for the friend, well if she knew beforehand that you were interested and she still took his number, that could be taken for a sign of disrespect. It's up to you how you want to handle that. If not, well then you have nothing to say on the matter. If he end up getting with her then don't rationalize "oh he's only with her because she's easy blah blah blah". That smacks of AFC "girls always go for jerks wah wah wah" bitterness. Not cool. Accept whatever happens, move on and be happy.

 

[LovelyLady]

I think it is unfair to criticize iqqi on this point. I have no idea what kind of "plotting" was going through her mind at the time..

She told us what was going through her mind here:

... we got into a 15 minute conversation. This I thought was perfect, as it gave my crush time to miss me and wonder where I was, and of course could create the perfect stirring of competion to heat the situation up.

Also, I am not criticizing her (I think she knows this). However, I am saying that her choice to do this resulted in his change of interest level in her (going by what she has shared).

He was not wondering where she was - he knew where she was - off talking with some other guy and not talking to him.

I have found that when I really want a man, I can forego a 15 minute conversation - even with dear friends - much less someone who is just an acquaintance - to focus on the guy I want. To go talk to another man for any length of time would not be an option for me. First of all it is because I am not wired that way, but also because it is ineffective in attracting a good man with options of his own.

 

[LeComteDeMonteCristo]

She told us what was going through her mind here

But was the what was really going through her mind in the moment when she decided to do that or is she backwards rationalizing? I'm not so sure.

Also, I am not criticizing her (I think she knows this). However, I am saying that her choice to do this resulted in his change of interest level in her (going by what she has shared).

He was not wondering where she was - he knew where she was - off talking with some other guy and not talking to him.

I have found that when I really want a man, I can forego a 15 minute conversation - even with dear friends - much less someone who is just an acquaintance - to focus on the guy I want. To go talk to another man for any length of time would not be an option for me. First of all it is because I am not wired that way, but also because it is ineffective in attracting a good man with options of his own.

Well yes perhaps you are right. Maybe her actions did result in his loss of interest. But what choice does a normal person have when an old acquaintance pops up? Of course from the POV of a seducer this is not ideal. Of course if she had a single-minded determination to pick up "Crush" her time would have been better spent with him. I do not argue those points. But most normal people are not wired like that. For most people 15 minutes spent with an old friend is perfectly reasonable. I cannot encourage blowing off everything and everyone else in your life for the sake of seduction. That is walking the road towards becoming a "social robot".

 

[LovelyLady]

For most people 15 minutes spent with an old friend is perfectly reasonable. I cannot encourage blowing off everything and everyone else in your life for the sake of seduction.

I would not encourage blowing off everything or everyone either. - and please know I am not talking about arbitrary seductions here - I am talking about getting The Guy she really wants.

When in a relationship there is a history of trust built between the two of you, so in a social situation talking with old acquaintences/friends and expecting your partner to "be there" when you get back is reasonable.

But in my experience, early stages of seduction/relationship building are fragile and sending mixed messages of interest are ineffective if you want to truly connect with a man.

 

[ketostix]

I would not encourage blowing off everything or everyone either. - and please know I am not talking about arbitrary seductions here - I am talking about getting The Guy she really wants.

When in a relationship there is a history of trust built between the two of you, so in a social situation talking with old acquaintences/friends and expecting your partner to "be there" when you get back is reasonable.

But in my experience, early stages of seduction/relationship building are fragile and sending mixed messages of interest are ineffective if you want to truly connect with a man.

While I disagree with you that iqqi's girl friend wasn't competing against her, I totally agree with you that it was iqqi's own games (which she now tries to deny) that failed her. She should've took crush guy to the bar with her to get a drink. That would've solved the old acquantance problem, the competive girl friend problem, and iqqi wouldn't have came across as disinterested. That's pretty much end of story as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Obsidian]

females are now condemning her attention-wh0ring, manipulative tactics

I do not believe Iqqi was AWing. I believe she just made a judgement call to try to raise a guy's interest and the tactic was ineffective.

You're right, scratch attention-wh0ring. It was just plain manipulative. And as I've said, manipulation only works well on chumps and women.

 

[LovelyLady]

... I totally agree with you ...

ALERT THE MEDIA - that makes twice you have agreed with me in 7 months :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[iqqi]

Thanks LeComteDeMonteCristo, I appreciate you stepping in.

And I agree with everything you've said.

LovelyLady, I disagree that women don't use "game", and DJ tactics. We've been using it for years. It is really just methods to keep people from moving too fast, and to keep from getting hurt. The best advice I've ever been given as a young girl came from an old lady years ago, and I've since heard it echoed by ladies who have their love lives in order.

That is "always keep him guessing". Or some version of it. Games? Manipulation? I don't think it is that serious. It really just means, don't be too available, clingy, and needy.

I DO NOT DOUBT NOR QUESTION anything that happened with me and Crush Guy. If he chose her, it was in the last two minutes he was there, because he was choosing me for the couple of hours we were at the party.

I doubt he ever even knew where I was for those 15 minutes, because the bar and the darts were in two different places. Not that it really matters. But if it does, there is a great chance he never knew WHO I was talking to. He knew I came to the party with other people.

Enough of that. I am not worried about that, nor have I ever been once in this thread.

LeComteDeMonteCristo, I have lots of options, but I rarely have "crushes". Regardless, if it is not to be, it is not to be. Who is going to argue with that?

Not ME.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

The best advice I've ever been given as a young girl came from an old lady years ago, and I've since heard it echoed by ladies who have their love lives in order.

That is "always keep him guessing". Or some version of it.

Meeeehhhhh...

I don't know if any guy here has fell for that. I haven't. It actually annoys me to "keep me guessing". I like being genuinely liked. If she's not into me as much as I'm into her I don't want any part of it. Of all the times I've been with a girl the attraction has been mutual. And when you have that, there's no point in keeping someone guessing.

I don't know who made the point earlier but I'll beat you over the head with it again: What you tried didn't work. Try something else.


All outside factors aside try something else. It's not going to KILL YOU to try something else.

Sheesh. In one ear and out the other, I tells ya!

 

[iqqi]

Meeeehhhhh...

I don't know if any guy here has fell for that. I haven't. It actually annoys me to "keep me guessing". I like being genuinely liked. If she's not into me as much as I'm into her I don't want any part of it. Of all the times I've been with a girl the attraction has been mutual. And when you have that, there's no point in keeping someone guessing.

I don't know who made the point earlier but I'll beat you over the head with it again: What you tried didn't work. Try something else.


All outside factors aside try something else. It's not going to KILL YOU to try something else.

Sheesh. In one ear and out the other, I tells ya!

If someone is keeping you guessing too much, they aren't doing it right, AND they probably really AREN'T that into you.

It is an ART. OK, not really. Its just common sense. Don't let your interest in a person keep you from doing YOU.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Of course, of course. I understand what you're saying. If she's going to play games they should be fun for both of us. They should make me WANT to pursue her in a non agitating way. I've had those experiences before. They're fun.

So what are you going to do differently next time, Miss "Icky"?

 

[Latinoman]

Iqqi,

It is my opinion, big picture, your friend could have been any woman there that looked, and behaved, in a way that attracted Crush. I don't think it serves you longterm to focus on the other woman specifically.

You did something that made this guy lose interest in you and move on to another woman - your friend was "next in line" in terms of who he had been relating with through the course of the evening - she really could have been any other woman on his radar that night.

We can philosophize all we want about "girl code" or that your friend didn't stay in her place and only serve as a wingman to your game - but the fact is, your girl friend did everything right to attract Crush - whether intentional or not. This is an opportunity to learn from her.

You say the girl is intelligent, funny, attractive, and ultimately has a good heart. Assuming all things are equal between you two, your friend stayed available to Crush - while you went off to talk to some other guy (and took Crush's interest for granted, IMO.) That is the difference. Crush watched how both of you acted/treated him.

A woman has every right to talk to who she wants, but it is unrealistic to expect a good man to be put "on hold" if she goes off and talks to another guy.

You said you have liked this guy for 6 years and yet chose to spend 15 minutes of choice flirting and connecting time that could have been with him, with Old Acquaintance and not on the guy you really liked. Why would Crush think that after 6 years you are now genuinely interested and not just flirting for sport, when you disappear to talk to another man?

You said Crush had deflected your friend several times earlier in the evening - that was respectful of him, I think. And how did your behavior reward Crush? You went off and talked to another guy.

It may be your right to talk to other men, but the action did not get you the man you wanted.

The pivotal occurance was not your friend, her age, how close she stood to Crush at any given moment. Nor was it drunk Old Acquaintance approaching.

The pivotal moment was when you chose to spend 15 minutes talking with Old Acquaintance hoping It has been my experience that as a woman, my seduction time is best spent actually enjoying my man rather than trying to stir up his competitive energy.


I think it is good that in your mind it is no longer "about" Crush... when you move through this to where you realize it is also not about Old Acquaintance approaching drunk later - or about your friend giving or not giving her number... then you are left with your self and the choices you made that night. When you look at what actions brought you connection with the man, and which actions didn't - that is the solution that will serve you in the future. Then you can be friends with the hottest, youngest, most sexually aggressive women and they will not pose a threat to you getting and keeping your Crush. Because it really has nothing to do with other women at all.

With respect,

LL

I totally agree with this....

although, I would add that women COMPETE among each other for the BEST AVAILABLE men (and Crush was available is he did not have a girlfriend).

 

[Latinoman]

One of my less pleasant character traits: I like playing with my food. I've been baiting you to watch you jump.

Unbecoming and unproductive. I apologize to the rest of the board.

Sweetheart...I was typing on my laptop with ONE hand...while doing what MEN do best with my other hand: scratching my NUTS.

If anything...YOU wasted your time. Not mine.