Ridiculous? Outrageous? Whatever, here's my story.

[OMGWTF]

Hello everyone. I'm making my first post here after lurking for quite some time, and studying up on this website like nobody's business. I've read every last piece of literature, to great effect. The problem is that it rarely, if ever, says anything about situations like the one I'm about to account for you.

I'll start from the beginning. I'm a student, in university. I see a girl outside of class, I think she's gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. I follow her into class, sit down beside her (in a crowded lecturehall of course) and after a couple minutes of taking notes from the lecture, get sidetracked and decide I'd like to talk to this girl (right, as if I hadn't wanted to do that all along?). So, after having a laugh about the professor a bit, and introducing myself, I ask for her email, and get it. It wasn't a problem at all, I was feeling quite confident about this girl, she was ******dly projecting physical signs of attraction to me the whole time, playing with her hair, etc. For a first time testing out my skills in the real world, this was going pretty goddamn well.

That night, I chatted to her on MSN for a significantly extended period of time, roughly about 2 AM or so. Just getting to know her, flirting with her outrageously, she was very responsive and I was extremely pleased with the chat. She seemed to be too, consistantly remarking about how slick I was. Everything was a green light.

Things continued to go my way when, after asking her over to my place during the course of my conversation, I had her over and basically spent the whole time impressing the hell out of her, but not taking it to any level of physical intimacy other than a casual touch, a stroke of the hair, nothing outrageously too ******d despite my typical flirtacious attitude towards the girl. I really did want to spend some time getting to know her. After all, I wanted to make this girl mine.

So, after she left late that afternoon, I had another 2 AM chat with her on MSN again, being a little more forward this time, inviting her over again. She had the idea that we ditch class, and she'd come over to my place. I made implications about what we'd be doing, she seemed very interested. I recall I mentioned something about studying "anatomy"; naturally, the two of us most certainly did not go to anatomy class together.

The next day was exceptional. I had her over at the scheduled time, we walked back to my place. I put on some music to set the mood, we enjoyed some songs she had asked me to find for her the last time she was over, and then we moved to the couch where we watched some TV. Long story short, at this point we kissed, had some fun along those lines, and it was all going very very well. Too well? Maybe, maybe not. I thought I was doing a pretty damn good job so far. After this, I told her I was going to give her a massage, and I led her to my room and I most certainly did. I realised then that I didn't want to have sex with this girl immediately, I wanted to establish some kind of a relationship before I brought that to the table. I wanted to wait at least one more day. This may have been my fatal error, but I'll let whoever reads this decide. She slept with me for a while, no sex. It was pleasant, and then I sent her off with a kiss later that afternoon when she needed to head home. It went pretty much 99.9% perfectly as far as I'm concerned.

Then, it all began to fall apart. Before she kissed me goodbye, she said to me "see you tomorrow!"...

I didn't see her the next day. I didn't see her the day after that. I saw her the day after that, and I was more relieved, but something was different. She was looking rather down, but whatever, I sat with her in our class just as before and we had a good time sitting there taking notes, hardly speaking a word to one another. It was a tough class, we had to make sure we got all our notes out. Once we had a break, I asked her how she was doing. She replied that she was having an awful day. I told her I hoped she had a better day, that her work would go well, etc. We headed out of the class in a hurry, she seemed to keep going towards her class, she didn't seem to want to stop to kiss me goodbye, she didn't seem to want to stop at all. So, I stopped her. I told her, "Hey, I know you're having an awful day, I really hope it gets better. But for now, I need to go, so I'll see you later, alright?" I moved in closer. She didn't seem to respond too much, she just sortof half-smiled. It was a bit awkward, so I gave her a pat on the back and scurried off. That didn't go well, upon reflection.

A few more days passed, and I hadn't heard from her at all. No MSN, no nothing. So I decided to call her up. She said she was having dinner, she'd call me back later. That was fine, until about half an hour later I realised she didn't have my number, so I called back and left it. No call back. I was dissapointed.

Things were getting worse, and I couldn't figure out why. I saw her a couple days later, met her in class. She was sitting beside some idiot kid who seemed to be hitting on her. I was pissed, but kept my cool. I couldn't sit beside her like I wanted to, because I would have been forced into a corner seat, where I wouldn't have been able to see the lecturer. So I waited until after class, met up with her as everyone rushed out of the lecture hall, and asked her about the guy. She said she had just met him. I said that was cool, and asked her out since I hadn't seen her in so long. She said she didn't know when she was free, so I told her to come on MSN that evening so we could discuss it. No MSN that evening.

Part 2 (I had to shorten my initial post, it was too bloody long):

 

[OMGWTF]

The next day I happened to run into her over my lunch break, she was getting food. I asked her why she hadn't come on MSN. She said she was busy. I offered that we sit down together and have a chat, if she so desired, instead. She said she didn't want to. I asked why, she said she was having an awful day again, and that I wouldn't want to talk to her. I told her I always like to talk to pretty girls, and this made her blush and smile. I was pleased with the reaction, so I told her that I'd like her to sit down with me, and that I'd be waiting over at a table if she wanted to come join me. Nope. No girl.

Then I didn't see her again for a while. Until today, when I caught her on MSN for the first time in weeks. Our conversation was complicated. Since I've already droned on at length and in great detail about everything that's happened up until now to set the background, I'll try to keep this short, since this MSN conversation is probably the main point of analysis for my exploration of future options. Allow me to explain, using the conversation.

I started the conversation jokingly, commented on the fact that I hadn't seen her in ages, and figured she'd dropped off the face of the earth, etc. Then I meant business. I wanted to get together with the girl, so I asked her out. She said she couldn't this time, she was going out with a friend that day. I asked her when she would be free, and jokingly said that she was making it awfully hard for me to win her over if we never see eachother. She didn't like this. She explained how she was upset that I initially joked about her sitting beside me as a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing, and that now I was acting as though she were my girlfriend. Confused, I explained that I didn't mind sitting with her at all, since she was a sweet girl, I went on to say that I intended to make her my girlfriend too. She explained that she wasn't really interested in having a relationship with anyone, and that she was a "really broken person at present". This is when the alarm bells started in my head. I retorted; why wouldn't she want a relationship with someone as awesome as me? I didn't think she was broken, and besides, I can fix anything, etc. This was my attempt to narrow down if she was being generally crazy, or if she was trying to shrug me off for someone else. She said something I didn't understand: "there's no point in moping around all day is there". I replied with the fact that there was no reason to mope around if she was here with me, because there's plenty more interesting things to do. She replied that she doesn't like being attached to anyone. I poked fun at her, saying that I was looking for a girlfriend and not a siamese twin. Anyhow, I basically spent a couple lines saying that I wanted to be in a relationship, naturally using a nice suave manner, blah de blah. There was a couple important points that came out of the conversation thereafter.

I asked her what she wanted (for the first time) after that, she replied that she wanted "vindication". I asked her to explain, but she said that it was complicated, and didn't want to explain. So I shrugged it off and went on to say how not explaining would make it harder for me to win her over. She didn't take this well. She said that " just like pretty girls, and she was just another one of them", and I was offended. I lost composure a bit here, telling her how that was just plain not true, that she was special, and why. She bought it. She continued to resist however, saying that even if she tried to get into a relationship with me it would be doomed to fail because she doesn't want any relationships. This continued for a bit until I called her out, saying people don't kiss people that they don't like, that they don't want to be in a relationship with. She said that just because she kissed me that she didn't mean she wants to be in a relationship (on reflection I think she may have been implying all along that she wants to be in this for the fooling around only... upon further reflection I really wouldn't mind this, but it'd be real nice to have a girlfriend, I'll have to investigate this in future).

Anyhow, then she went back to her main stance. She said again how she didn't want a relationship with anybody right now, that I couldn't persuade her. So I asked her what she wanted then. She didn't answer the question, just repeated herself. I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to focus on school.

Okay, so I told her that was absolutely fine. I told her how I'd give her that, because it's what she wanted. I said that I'd always be there and despite the fact that I wanted her to be mine, I'd hold off on that for a while until she was ready for it. I said I'd be her greatest friend until she was willing to accept me as more than that. And that was the end of the conversation. I said that I'd be here waiting, and that I'd come running, and goodbye.

Is it worthwhile pursuing this girl? I know she's attracted to me. I think she might be a little crazy. I think it might still be worth it.

Should I investigate the option that perhaps she just wants to have sex with me? It's entirely possible! I'll have to think of a smooth way of going about that before I approach the issue too haphazardly, since it's such a careful one. To be honest, this isn't my ideal outcome for this situation. This girl may be gorgeous, and might be extremely fun to have sex with (I wouldn't know, yet), but I'd really like a girlfriend, too.

Any other comments regarding this ridiculous story? Need more explicit details about any parts of it? If you've read the whole thing I commend you, it's a pretty epic first post. Thanks. I can only hope this will help untie some of the knots in my head.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

I've read every last piece of literature, to great effect.

Apparently not.

Check it out. You hung out with this girl TWO times and right away you had your futures planned.

Not having the sex with her was a mistake. Not a bad one and it coud have went either way. Do NOT dwell on that.

Your true mistake was not only making yourself so available but through your actions you gave her every bit of power and came off as desperate/clingy.

Sounds like your initial game is good.

This chick may or may not be lost for good.
Here is my advice.

Give this chick a giant heaping dose of indifference. Maintain minimal contact and keep all encounters brief. Do not be cold to her. Just (make it apparent) know you have better things to put effort into than her.

At the same time keep practicing your game on other girls. Put the effort you were putting on her into meeting as many other girls as you have time for.

And last, reread your post and see how UNattractive your behaviours were after day 2.

 

[Phyzzle]

Dude, I think you forgot the basics here. Getting her e-mail, contacting her THAT NIGHT, chatting for HOURS, chatting for hours EVERY NIGHT?

Which DJ bible were you reading, LOL!

I'm going to read the rest now.

 

[OMGWTF]

I should clarify: chatting with her for hours is basically my nice way of saying I was just flirting with her for a ridiculous amount of time. I just kept on going, and she was loving every minute of it. However, the first reply was absolutely correct, my behavior was distinctly unattractive after the first 2 days. This is highly problematic.

I'd myself come to two conclusions. The first was to get in this girl's face and just hit on her a ridiculous amount all the damn time, maintaining a constant flirtaceous attitude with her. The second was that I'd go with the indifference route. The problem here is that we don't get to see much of eachother on a consistant basis. Maybe this is where I'm also making a poor judgement, though. I'm sortof still used to the whole highschool scene where you see everybody, every day. I see this girl maybe 4 times a week, in different classes. I may or may not get the ability to sit beside her. Explain how much indifference we're talking here, it's just difficult to get a handle on timeframes from the background I'm coming from.

Appreciate the constructive criticism so far.

 

[Phyzzle]

I dissagree with Teflon, this chick is positively 100% out. It's as plain as day. Her interest is lower than a lapdog doing the limbo.

You've got a LONG way to go to be any good with women (kinda like I did at 20). The next chick might make out a few more times. The next might have sex with you. The one after might want to stick around for a month or two.

Still, getting the e-mail was better than seeing a hottie, and doing nothing.

(Indifference is the only way to go now, because she plainly does NOT want anything to do with you anymore.)

 

[OMGWTF]

Well, I appreciate the advice. You're probably right, I'm pretty sure indifference is the only option at this point. It's really a shame. It sucks to lose a good girl, but whatever. There's always more girls.

I think one of the major problems in this case though was that I went too far, too fast. OR that perhaps I didn't take it far enough if I'm going to be taking such a leap. Do you guys think that might be the case here? Which is it? It's confusing. Perhaps there's some more literature to read about this, but I didn't explicitly see a guide with a chart of physical escalation beyond the things to do when you meet a girl, etc. I do get forgetful sometimes, if someone wants to save me the time of rereading everything, I'll take a link to it.

 

[Distant Light]

I didn't read the whole thing but seems like she changed because you made sex a big deal. She came to you're house two times, she wouldn't be coming to you're house unless she wanted to have sex, but you turned her down twice. Now you never really know 100% why she got like that but you probably got her thinking "Why didn't he want to fuvk me I wanted to fuvk him but he didn't want me. The must be something wrong with me" then she probably had a long logical talk in her head about why you didn't fuvk her.

In the end you devalidated her and now she probably will try to look for a guy quick who would fuvk her that way she can get that validation of whatever her excuse was for you not wanting to fuvk her.

If you want to build a relationship you must know you have to get sex out the way first, you build that deep connection after sex not before. Sex isn't suppose to be a big deal, and just now you built it up into some big thing, when all you had to do was fuvk her.

Let that be a learning experience for you.

 

[Nighthawk]

I don't get the part where you don't f*ck her.

Neither did she so she went and got f*cked by someone else.

If you want to build a relationship with a quality woman, cement the deal with some awesome sex as soon as possible. You don't get points for ignoring the green light, quite the opposite.

 

[OMGWTF]

You all make a fine point, but I still am hung up on a portion of this that I didn't consider. After that 2nd meeting at my place, she seemed to have had a great time, after it all she actually went to kiss me, took me by surprise to be honest because I was distracted for a moment checking to see if her bus ride back to her hometown was there. She even said "see you tomorrow"... and yet, after that day she basically disappeared. Why do you think that happened? Do you think she had this long chat with herself on the busride home and decided then and there that she was finished with me? This is still an unanswered question in this problem.

 

[zerocelcius]

You all make a fine point, but I still am hung up on a portion of this that I didn't consider. After that 2nd meeting at my place, she seemed to have had a great time, after it all she actually went to kiss me, took me by surprise to be honest because I was distracted for a moment checking to see if her bus ride back to her hometown was there. She even said "see you tomorrow"... and yet, after that day she basically disappeared. Why do you think that happened? Do you think she had this long chat with herself on the busride home and decided then and there that she was finished with me? This is still an unanswered question in this problem.

She was in the glow of the moment. On that long bus ride home she sunk into reality. You hung a carrot infront of her and she followed it for two days. She did all the tricks and you didn't give her the treat!!!!

Seems like you have the skills in your mind, but you have to utilize them to the fullest. Great first lesson. Keep it up and move on.

I think that this girl is ripe for some sex, but nothing more. Besides you are just now using the DJ skills. You can't just settle down with the first girl you used them on! COME ON MAN GET BACK IN THE GAME!

Peace 'n Beatz.