Holy sh!t I just came across the most epic list of "requirements" on POF. This girl is like a 6 in looks. I bet so many white knights try to rescue her. She's ADD, OCD and bipolar...
"Too much baggage? Well sucks to be you, since you obviously can't handle this much awesomeness. Ready to begin? Don’t hold your breath, because this list’s a doozy.
I. I hate working out and I'm SUPER lazy.
II. I love my dog more than I will ever love you or anyone else. I probably won’t even like you, if we’re being honest.
III. I have a weird Leonardo DiCaprio obsession. I’ve seen every one of his movies, so if you can’t think of a witty message to send to me to grab my attention, I’ll probably reply to any message you send me regarding Leo Dicaps. I can’t promise that the subject will ever change, though...
IV. I hate cliche things… like most of the “About Me” sections on this site. Want to impress me? Change that whole “I love long walks on the beach” bullsh*t in your profile.
V. I'm a b*tch. You think I’m kidding? I’m not. You probably should have figured that out by now...
VI. I'm always right. Seriously. So if you want to talk to me, be comfortable with always being wrong… AND being corrected.
VII. I don't care what you think... because my opinion’s the only one that matters to me. Obviously.
VIII. I will judge you based on your first impression and I’ll unlikely change my opinion of you after that... So make your first message count. If it's boring, cliche, too creepy, or even if I’m just not feeling it, I'm probably not responding to you. Here’s your warning.
IX. I love watching cartoons: Adventure Time... Pokemon... And I've actually recently been watching Beyblade... Which is weird, but I got strangely addicted to watching it every morning while waiting for Pokemon to come on afterwards.
X. Speaking of Pokemon, if you play X or Y on 3DS, send me your friend code so I can kick your ass in a 6v6 battle. ;D
XI. I’m also a total computer geek, gamer, software engineer/programmer, website/graphic designer/programmer, hacker, creative writer, deepnet surfer, and I enjoy spending most of my free time online… but I don’t have a facebook or twitter. (Do I sound like a catfish, yet?!).
XII. I’m not much of a cell-phone person, either, and I sometimes forget that I even have one, so me giving you my e-mail or skype is my version of giving you my number. But that’s not very likely to happen. Just being honest.
XIII. I like to embarrass people in public on purpose. I also manage to embarrass myself in public on a daily basis by doing stupid sh*t like tripping, playing the “penis” game (don’t know what it is? Look it up, it's probably not what you think), playing pokemon in public, or just by being a hot mess.
XIV. Dates are as boring as watching movie credits… so I only like to go on adventures.
XV. I swear like a f*cking sailor and give zero f*cks. I don’t give a f*ck if your sentences end up having more asterisks than mine do; just don’t be an ethnocentric, ignorant, stupid sh*t that throws around hate words. Those people will end up getting a verbal suckerpunch in the face provided by yours truely.
XVI. The more I insult you, the cooler I think you are... Did I say cooler? I meant lamer.
XVII. I can't date religious people. I tend to offend them too much because I LOVE debating about controversial topics like religion. (Why yes, I am an atheist, thanks for noticing.)
XVIII. Same goes for conservatives. I'm a f*cking hippie and love debating about politics.
XIX. ...And Yankees Fans. F*ck Yankees fans.
XX. I sometimes pretend to be crazier than I actually am... My favorite persona is one of an old man serial killer who keeps his victims at the bottom of a well in his basement... It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again...
XXI. I think it's funny when I can make people feel uncomfortable. So if you feel the need to throw the “awkward turtle” sign every couple of minutes when talking to me, our conversation is a success.
XXII. I can't tolerate stupid or intolerant people… or yankees fans. Obviously.
XXIII. I hate bugs, spiders, and all creepy-crawlies more than I hate FOX News.
XXIV. I'm OCD, ADD, bipolar, and I take six pills daily, so I'm pretty goddamn interesting. If this doesn’t make you MORE interested in talking to me, we’re not going to get along. Flawless people are boring, so don’t plan on “fixing” me, either.
XXV. If you don't know how to play chess, you're probably not smart enough for me. Plus, I f*cking LOVE playing chess. Yes. I’m a nerd.
XXVI. It’s even worse if you’re one that mentions the roman numerals that I use in this section in some way, shape, or form and can’t even read them, yourself. There are better conversation starters out there that won’t actually make me want to completely ignore you.
XXVII. I don't settle. Ever.
XXVIII. I hate people that hunt… or have ever willingly killed an animal. They're sick.
XXIX. I care more about animals than I do about people (bugs and spiders don’t count…).
XXX. I love talking about anything that has to do with theoretical physics, any branch of philosophy (especially metaphysics and political philosophy), astrophysics, astronomy, or earth/environmental science… so if you’re not down with intellectual conversations about life and aren’t interested in educating yourself about the universe, I probably won’t think you’re very interesting. Just warning you.
XXXI. If you're just a horny b*st*rd trying to get laid or some old fart, then you're a creep and I don't want to talk to you... Wearing hollister just makes you look creepier, old man.
XXXII. OH! And if you have a penis and any of your pictures are selfies, mirror pictures, or include you drinking like a college freshman, you without a shirt on, or you with a group of girls who probably don’t remember the night you took that picture… it may be in your best interest to delete said picture(s) before messaging me…
XXXIII. Also, don’t send me pictures of yourself along with your first message. That’s weird and sets off the “creeper alert alarm” in my head… and you DEFINITELY won’t get a message back from me if you set that alarm off.
XXXIV. If you're going to be a prick and message me to tell me that I'm a horrible person for whatever reason, you obviously need to get a life and probably need a therapist to deal with all of your issues if you're offended enough by my profile to actually message me about it..."
HAHAHAHA
"Too much baggage? Well sucks to be you, since you obviously can't handle this much awesomeness. Ready to begin? Don’t hold your breath, because this list’s a doozy.
I. I hate working out and I'm SUPER lazy.
II. I love my dog more than I will ever love you or anyone else. I probably won’t even like you, if we’re being honest.
III. I have a weird Leonardo DiCaprio obsession. I’ve seen every one of his movies, so if you can’t think of a witty message to send to me to grab my attention, I’ll probably reply to any message you send me regarding Leo Dicaps. I can’t promise that the subject will ever change, though...
IV. I hate cliche things… like most of the “About Me” sections on this site. Want to impress me? Change that whole “I love long walks on the beach” bullsh*t in your profile.
V. I'm a b*tch. You think I’m kidding? I’m not. You probably should have figured that out by now...
VI. I'm always right. Seriously. So if you want to talk to me, be comfortable with always being wrong… AND being corrected.
VII. I don't care what you think... because my opinion’s the only one that matters to me. Obviously.
VIII. I will judge you based on your first impression and I’ll unlikely change my opinion of you after that... So make your first message count. If it's boring, cliche, too creepy, or even if I’m just not feeling it, I'm probably not responding to you. Here’s your warning.
IX. I love watching cartoons: Adventure Time... Pokemon... And I've actually recently been watching Beyblade... Which is weird, but I got strangely addicted to watching it every morning while waiting for Pokemon to come on afterwards.
X. Speaking of Pokemon, if you play X or Y on 3DS, send me your friend code so I can kick your ass in a 6v6 battle. ;D
XI. I’m also a total computer geek, gamer, software engineer/programmer, website/graphic designer/programmer, hacker, creative writer, deepnet surfer, and I enjoy spending most of my free time online… but I don’t have a facebook or twitter. (Do I sound like a catfish, yet?!).
XII. I’m not much of a cell-phone person, either, and I sometimes forget that I even have one, so me giving you my e-mail or skype is my version of giving you my number. But that’s not very likely to happen. Just being honest.
XIII. I like to embarrass people in public on purpose. I also manage to embarrass myself in public on a daily basis by doing stupid sh*t like tripping, playing the “penis” game (don’t know what it is? Look it up, it's probably not what you think), playing pokemon in public, or just by being a hot mess.
XIV. Dates are as boring as watching movie credits… so I only like to go on adventures.
XV. I swear like a f*cking sailor and give zero f*cks. I don’t give a f*ck if your sentences end up having more asterisks than mine do; just don’t be an ethnocentric, ignorant, stupid sh*t that throws around hate words. Those people will end up getting a verbal suckerpunch in the face provided by yours truely.
XVI. The more I insult you, the cooler I think you are... Did I say cooler? I meant lamer.
XVII. I can't date religious people. I tend to offend them too much because I LOVE debating about controversial topics like religion. (Why yes, I am an atheist, thanks for noticing.)
XVIII. Same goes for conservatives. I'm a f*cking hippie and love debating about politics.
XIX. ...And Yankees Fans. F*ck Yankees fans.
XX. I sometimes pretend to be crazier than I actually am... My favorite persona is one of an old man serial killer who keeps his victims at the bottom of a well in his basement... It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again...
XXI. I think it's funny when I can make people feel uncomfortable. So if you feel the need to throw the “awkward turtle” sign every couple of minutes when talking to me, our conversation is a success.
XXII. I can't tolerate stupid or intolerant people… or yankees fans. Obviously.
XXIII. I hate bugs, spiders, and all creepy-crawlies more than I hate FOX News.
XXIV. I'm OCD, ADD, bipolar, and I take six pills daily, so I'm pretty goddamn interesting. If this doesn’t make you MORE interested in talking to me, we’re not going to get along. Flawless people are boring, so don’t plan on “fixing” me, either.
XXV. If you don't know how to play chess, you're probably not smart enough for me. Plus, I f*cking LOVE playing chess. Yes. I’m a nerd.
XXVI. It’s even worse if you’re one that mentions the roman numerals that I use in this section in some way, shape, or form and can’t even read them, yourself. There are better conversation starters out there that won’t actually make me want to completely ignore you.
XXVII. I don't settle. Ever.
XXVIII. I hate people that hunt… or have ever willingly killed an animal. They're sick.
XXIX. I care more about animals than I do about people (bugs and spiders don’t count…).
XXX. I love talking about anything that has to do with theoretical physics, any branch of philosophy (especially metaphysics and political philosophy), astrophysics, astronomy, or earth/environmental science… so if you’re not down with intellectual conversations about life and aren’t interested in educating yourself about the universe, I probably won’t think you’re very interesting. Just warning you.
XXXI. If you're just a horny b*st*rd trying to get laid or some old fart, then you're a creep and I don't want to talk to you... Wearing hollister just makes you look creepier, old man.
XXXII. OH! And if you have a penis and any of your pictures are selfies, mirror pictures, or include you drinking like a college freshman, you without a shirt on, or you with a group of girls who probably don’t remember the night you took that picture… it may be in your best interest to delete said picture(s) before messaging me…
XXXIII. Also, don’t send me pictures of yourself along with your first message. That’s weird and sets off the “creeper alert alarm” in my head… and you DEFINITELY won’t get a message back from me if you set that alarm off.
XXXIV. If you're going to be a prick and message me to tell me that I'm a horrible person for whatever reason, you obviously need to get a life and probably need a therapist to deal with all of your issues if you're offended enough by my profile to actually message me about it..."
HAHAHAHA
