Returning to Boot Camp

[Arioch]

Greetings everyone,

I am sorry I went AWOL after week one. I have my reasons. The important part is, I never really stopped totally. I just decided I wanted to start this week, mostly because of a lack of people in my vicinity. See, I assumed the post that proposed the BC session in which I wanted to participate started BC when it did because that was around when the original poster started a new term at their college or something. Well, my college doesn't work on the same schedule as most American colleges--the semester doesn't start until next week. It hasn't been a good environment for meeting people.

Another reason for waiting longer is that this site is about meeting women. Right now, and even more so three weeks ago, I don't want to meet women so much as I want to make friends. I sort of don't have any good friends right now, and I would like some before I get too serious about meeting women. Then again, this means I can fall into the friend zone with a woman and still feel like I gained something.

One more thing I would like to mention is that you guys ****ing suck. Like 30 guys said they would do that boot camp session and now there are two guys doing it, and no one even seems to be saying anything about it. I admit I didn't stick with it either, but at least I was one of the five or so who made it through week one. Another reason you guys ****ing suck is that... well, maybe you guys don't ****ing suck, but the BC handbook makes you guys sound way cooler than contemporary posts indicate. It makes it sound like there will be feedback to journal posts, but I haven't seen much. Maybe journals aren't anything exciting anymore or something. Or maybe the Bible and the handbook are just full of rare, profound stuff that's just not usual for this forum. I sure hope someone proves me wrong with a constructive post sometime.

OK, anyway, about why I am doing this. Essentially, I am a Nice Guy. I was the Nice Guy incarnate. I don't want to go into details. But somewhere along the line I met a girl and being a Nice Guy became more important than becoming a better man. A large problem is that I didn't know enough about what I wanted out of life. Rather, I didn't know anything beyond that I wanted a girl. I am prone to being overly influenced by girls, it's true. They make me stupid.

I have to work on being decisive. In high school once I considered all the attractive single girls in my high school and just said, "I want that one." It was a calculated decision, but I had a definitive goal. I need to be like that again.

I need to be more conscious of myself when I am talking. Usually if I don't pay enough attention I tend to make loud rants.

I need to learn to maintain several distinct relationships with people, including friendships.

I need higher self-esteem. I need to like myself again. I think I have made a lot of progress on this already since first coming to this forum, much of it due to becoming physically fit. I know that if I think I am the ****, I will be the ****.

Most importantly, I need to do this all without totally ignoring my class work.

As an extra exercise, since I've already been through weeks one (and two, mostly), I'm just going to do the exercises for the first three weeks for three weeks. That is, each week I will do the exercises for weeks one, two, and three. This isn't really a big deal, since they are similar, and I'm just starting a semester of college and I'm going to be doing them all anyway, pretty much.

I would try to write more if I weren't so tired, but this certainly is plenty to go on now. Laters.

 

[Arioch]

3 HBs and 3 others

Last night I went out at about 11PM without an agenda other than to grab some pizza and make eye contact with people I passed. I failed miserably in this. First of all, walking around without a destination, even a tentative one, puts me in a depressed mood. I keep forgetting to tally the number of people I say "hi" to. I'm betting no more than ten, unless you count groups of people who get one "hi" as multiple people.

After walking around for a while, I passed by some people I had previously said "hi" to, and they invited me to hang out with them. So I did, but I only had a meaningful conversation with one stranger. Also they were all drunk and I wasn't.

Today I managed to be invited to eat with three strangers, one of whom was a girl I wouldn't mind getting to know better (that's what I count as a hot babe. Not an eight or anything, but then again, I usually consider girls I know hotter than girls I don't). Then later I went out in much the same fashion as the previous night, but this time with a list of places I would go. I had a much better time, and talked to two more girls I would like to get to know better.

Ick, that sounds bad. I'm not good at just looking at a woman and immediately saying whether or not she is hot (maybe I should try evaluating some people on Hot or Not before looking for people to talk to again. But I think it's because personality has so much to do with whether or not I find a person attractive.

I don't know, I've become too tired again. Laters.

 

[Arioch]

End Week 1

OK, so I have tallied in my little notepad here eight hot babes and nine strangers. Not exactly the ten and ten I proposed, but not too shabby. More shabby though if you consider that I just moved in to a new domicile and I'm meeting people all over the place. And yet still, it's just meeting people. I have yet to form a real connection with anyone new other than my new roommate.

The "Hi" thing... well, I feel better at it than I once was. And I'm remembering to smile more. Smiling just feels good. Half the time I feel happy just 'cause I make myself crack a smile for the world. But I'm just not good at counting all the people I'm saying "hi" to. I didn't even really set out a time for saying "hi." Those walks always turn into meeting people, which I guess invovles saying "hi," but it is more time-consuming.

I will try to keep up the same pace next week. It will be harder, because the semester is less new. I should go to someplace with a lot of people and just chat it up, 'cause I think I've sorta exhausted my dorm.

Anyway, I'm a little drunk from the party I was just at stilll, and I have class early tomorrow. I am training to become a lifeguard. I think a Man should know how to save a person's life if he needs to. A Man has a plan of action for every situation. Laters.

 

[Arioch]

I am an idiot

An idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot. OK, I keep running into this dilemma. See, I could have hung out with this hot girl tonight if I wanted to, but instead I keep thinking, "I'm not at that part of boot camp yet," so instead I not only didn't ask her to hang out, I made it sound like I wasn't really doing anything better. I mean, I guess I have something to do tonight, but hanging out with this girl would... should have taken precedent. So basically, I made it sound like I'm not doing anything important, and I'm going to let her hang out in her room by herself tonight.

OK, I have an idea. I wear a wire at all times, or even a hidden camera, and whenever I do something dumb, a Don Juan monitoring me over the Internet will give me an electric shock. No, that's too complicated. Could someone just drive to where I am and hit me in the head with a board?

I AM SO ****ING STUPID! Is there any recovery from this act of idiocy? This girl is hot! And not taken! And doesn't have anything to do on a Saturday night except "maybe watch a movie."

I am so pissed at myself right now.

--
Arioch: Tall. Long. Idiot.

 

[Dingus]

Just chill. You're going to make mistakes like this because you're learning something new. I guarantee that this won't be the last either. It sounds like you're off to a good start already so I wouldn't get too upset over this mistake. Plus, if you got the girls number you can alawys try again later. She might like the fact that you didn't seem overly eager to hang out with her the first time.

Anyway, it's good to hear from someone just getting started with this program. I'm in the same boat but haven't been keeping a log of it on this forum. I think I will now that I found someone just starting out or at least close to it. My situation is also very similar to yours. I'm mainly interested in meeting new people and expanding my comfort zone. I think I'll head out tonight after decide where I will go and start counting off the "hello's." I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[catch]

hey man...

do the wrong thing mate... make as many mistakes as you possibly can.... and... i garuntee you that you will find out how to do it right...

learn from you mistakes... litterally...

 

[Arioch]

Week #2

OK, so, the talley for week two is (I think) three HBs and eight other strangers. Actually, I just remembered, make that four HBs and seven other strangers--the day after I met this girl while I was drunk I realized that she was in actuality a Hot Babe, and not just the regular girl I thought she was the previous night while I was drunk (boy, that's the first time that's ever happened! A girl looking worse under the influence?). I'm getting better at remembering names, too. Also some drunk girl was grabbing almost my ass last night and I didn't even react to the attention much.

That girl I made the mistake with, I got her number on like, Monday, and asked her out on Thursday and went out with her on Friday. I guess it was fun. I kind of have trouble evaluating how much "fun" I had or am having. It certainly wasn't bad. I learned some things, like the nicest clothes I have that I like is my one pair of jeans with good color in them and no holes, a solid navy blue T-shirt, work-boots, and a blue hoodie. Someone needs a new wardrobe, big time.

What I need is to find some pointers on how to evaluate... things in general. Dates, girls, whether or not I had fun--I want to be sure I'm on the right track, that I'm doing what I want and not just what is convenient. I guess what I mean is I feel a certain lack of fulfillment with this girl. She looks good, and she's not bad company, and isn't in search of an LTR or anything. She was just sometimes hard to talk to because her main interests in life are interests I know nothing about. It certainly isn't out of the question that I make her one of several girls I choose to spend time with, but I've never done that before. I have been a one-woman and "one really good friend" guy in the past.

OK, time for week three. I've been reading in the DJB about cold approaches, which is fine and dandy but most of those approaches don't turn into conversations of any length. The ones I read were mostly of the, "Are you single?" "No," variety. It is a lack of confidence that makes me feel like people don't want to be approached and talked to? Most places I go with a substantail number of people are places where girls are already talking in groups (which aren't impossible to approach, but for me it has been a fruitless endeavor), or they're doing homework and shouldn't be bothered. I suppose that's bull****, if they really didn't want to be bothered they would go to the library. I don't know, I just see homework and don't want to interrupt them. I certainly have trouble getting work done, it would be to my benefit if strangers didn't walk up and try to talk to me (not that that's ever happened... ).

So, this week, talk to ten HBs. I was sick this weekend after the date, though, so I missed going out on Saturday night. I talked to at least one, maybe two though, depending on where the bar's set. Where should the bar be set? I should figure that out before the week gets too old.

Laters.

 

[Arioch]

[Expletives]

[More expletives]

Consider this day not seized. I did not seize this day. There was an HB in the science center, and I made eye contact, and we smiled at each other... and now I'm in class. Class < talking to HBs. I have to get my priorities straight.

The talley still sits at two. And that's a weak two, because I'm not sure if the interaction really was at least a two-minute conversation.

I am beginning to question myself. My confidence in being able to do this right now is waning.