Rethinking the "waiting" topic

[Colossus]

A few weeks ago I posted a thread on the merits of making a girl "wait" for sex. My intent was imply to show how, for an advanced DJ, flipping the script in this regard can be beneficial. However, I think it got taken a bit out of context and eventually turned into a flame war. Oh well.

Well I've had a couple experiences in the last few weeks that made me rethink this a bit. Without overwriting it, here's what I've learned:

1. ALL relationships --ONS, STRs, LTRs--are predicated on sexual attraction. Of course there are many other elements, but if you take out this one critical factor, you are just friends. There is not other way to slice it.

2. Sex happens naturally. No need to force it quickly or draw it out longer than necessary. However, if she is resisting your escalations after 4-5 dates, then she is trying to make it happen on her terms.

3. Preaching to the choir here, but no sex is ever worth jumping through hoops.

4. IF she is amenable to your escalations, then it can be beneficial to put the brakes on slightly. But it isn't necessary. Just buys you a little time if you have other plates you are sorting out and want to bolster your frame.


Basically I was seeing two girls (22,23) and with one sex just happened organically but not in the classic 3-4 date time frame. With the other, things were moving along well until she started being coy and putting up silly resistance ("you can touch my crotch but not take my bra off") on like date 5. I pulled the plug on her and enjoyed the fruits of the more nubile, enthusiastic girl.

It made me remember that while some early resistance is good, it becomes annoying after a certain point. I'm a 31 year old man, I dont want to lay in bed and make out for hours when I could be sleeping, eating, or doing something fun.

 

[SecondHalf]

("you can touch my crotch but not take my bra off")

hahaha, I couldn't image how I'd respond hearing that one.

The beauty about dating as an older man, dating women in their 40's is that if there is attraction, you don't have to wait long, they just go for it.

4. IF she is amenable to your escalations, then it can be beneficial to put the brakes on slightly. But it isn't necessary. Just buys you a little time if you have other plates you are sorting out and want to bolster your frame.

This is a great point. If you want to LTR a woman, but sex happens too quickly (2nd date for instance), it can complicate things. You don't know enough about each other yet and a lot of doubt can occur which hinders LTR goal.

SH

 

[Boilermaker]

I don't remember that topic turning into a flame war. It was just not accepted by the majority, because to put it bluntly,

it just didn't make sense.

I see that OP retracted his statement. I don't see the bottom-line now, either,

you can touch my crotch but not take my bra off

is the classical example I imagine Rollo T would be using to deliver the point of how silly the waiting game is, when it comes to DJ'ism.

 

[Interceptor]

Look, being respectful of women's sexual boundaries is not a bad thing.
Its not beta, or afc, or chodish, chumpish , whatever.

We're not freakin rapists or sexual predators. And we should be at a stage where we're not drooling with our tongues out at the sight of women, or the thought of sex or whatever. At this stage of our lives Desperation is a suit we dont wear.

So if we're interested in a good woman, and the Waiting game is on, be cool with it. But understand that we're men, and at some point its going to happen. If she still puts up resistance, after several dates, and youve done everything right, then youve got to think about your time and energy.

But always remember that we will meet and be attracted to and want to date women who want an exclusive LTR and nothing less. So she's going to hold out until she gets that. So if youre looking for something NSA thats casual, and she's not on the same page with you,well, guys...youre going to have to deal with it. Make up your mind if thats what you want. To settle down or keep moving on. And thats your call, your Right and duty to yourself. And be FAIR to the Woman. Thats all.

So dont make too much up in your heads, guys about waiting, if its AFC , do I look chumpish, is this not Alpha enough...etc.
Enjoy her company, be a gentleman, and do your thing. If youve dont a good job of explaining where you're at, what YOU want (ltr or casual) then its up to her.
Dont be desperate, clingy or immature.
Good luck.