responding to their silly excuses for flaking

[pete101]

what is the best way to respond to girls silly excuses for flaking?

i've encountered this numerous times and i keep making the mistake of letting it slide a couple times by not saying anything so they keep doing it unsurprisingly.

i.e. when u call to make arrangements and u make arrangements but when it comes to the day she flakes by either a)not answering your call or b)cancels on u with no counter offer time.

this leaves me seething and whenever u eventually get them on the phone after the event they always eventually apologise with something stupid about being busy and couldn't get back to u.. what do u say in response to silly excuses like this so they know not to mess u about and call u back/message u back rather than screen your call?

im at a point where i'm prepared to be very confrontational on the 2nd time they do it but without being angry, which is a thin line. cos in my head im thinking along the line of why didn't u answer your phone on the day we're suppose to meet? what u say sounds of complete rubbish and i dont believe u.

 

[DJx420]

just say something along the lines as call me when YOUR ready to go out with me and just MAYBE I'll give you a 2nd chance or soemthing like that....then hit the NEXT button.

 

[justiceseeker]

just say something along the lines as call me when YOUR ready to go out with me and just MAYBE I'll give you a 2nd chance or soemthing like that....then hit the NEXT button.

You don't respond. They didn't have enough respect for you to keep their agreement, so you simply don't ever speak to them again.

 

[true romance]

You can provide any counter attack on flaking but it doesn't answer why they flake.

They flake because you did not generate enough attraction, interest in them.
Your behaviour may display neediness, insecured etc..calling too much.
lackof conversation skills ...

Work on your inner game, display confidence.

If the chicks have enough interest in you they will not flake on you.

You cannot force or trick people into it..could work on short term but your behaviour will betray you

 

[pete101]

so are you saying the flakiness is just easier for them to cancel?

i know some are better than others who will cancel on u last minute.. this 1 just ignores my calls. im suppose to pick her up at her place and i told her in my text earlier i'll call her when im outside.

im obviously not going to go down if she doesn't respond so if i call and she doesn't answer then i text her im outside and waiting is that necessarily going to force her into coming out?

i wont actually be there, but cos i already said i'd call when i was outside it might shock her into coming out.

 

[brian123]

I had a girl flake on me a few weeks ago after I pursued too much. I stopped pursuing at all. I nexted her.

Yesterday, she sent me a txt saying "Hey stranger, I was cleaning today and found your movies at my house!" - I know she's seen them there the entire time.

Should I respond back/how should I answer her back even though she kinda flaked on me a few times weeks back.

 

[Mavrick]

Tell them to call you when they want to make it up to you.

Do not reward a woman that has flaked on you by asking her to go out again some other time. This even applies to women that have legitimate reasons to flake. If she wants to go out with you, she WILL reschedule another date.

 

[Mavrick]

I had a girl flake on me a few weeks ago after I pursued too much. I stopped pursuing at all. I nexted her.

Yesterday, she sent me a txt saying "Hey stranger, I was cleaning today and found your movies at my house!" - I know she's seen them there the entire time.

Should I respond back/how should I answer her back even though she kinda flaked on me a few times weeks back.

Keep it completely professional. Tell her thanks for reminding you of the movies and that you would like to get them back. Show no interest in having a conversation with her. Don't ask her how she's doing.

Let her ask the questions about you. Let her wonder why you aren't interested in small talk. Let her be the one to prove herself.

 

[true romance]

I had a girl flake on me a few weeks ago after I pursued too much. I stopped pursuing at all. I nexted her.

Yesterday, she sent me a txt saying "Hey stranger, I was cleaning today and found your movies at my house!" - I know she's seen them there the entire time.

Should I respond back/how should I answer her back even though she kinda flaked on me a few times weeks back

Nice job Brian..it's the attitude of lay back, indifference that you stand out among AFC who call too much..she will ask why this guy didn't he call me..this guy is different.

Just tell her to bring the movies to your house..continue flirting..kino, kiss..etc
Provide short answer..when she is at your house, unleash your DJ skills
You have many things going on in your life..she just there for a ride.
don't ask for dinner or coffee. If she is intesrest she will offer or hint some kind of activities. You did your job a while back and she flake, it's her turn..

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

See there is such a contradiction here.

While common advice suggests that you "Be assertive, show a girl that your time is valuable and should not be wasted, you are busy, always have better things to do, etc." and other advice says to "Always be the cool, calm, collective and charming guy you are."

I had a woman flake on me once. I had tickets to a volleyball tournament in Coney Island. I told her I'd pick her up at 9AM. Got there at 9 and waited until 9:30. Left several messages on her phone saying I was here, with the last one saying "fine forget it, I'm done wasting my time. I'm going alone"

she sends me a text messages at 11AM (she was probably just waking up, lazy b!tch) saying "Hey I know you are mad at me but I fell asleep in my Mom's room and didn't have the phone with me" but not apologizing. It makes me wonder, maybe her and her Mom heard the phone ringing, while laughing the whole time as I waited for 30 minutes, calling every 5 and knocking on the door. At first I didn't answer, then around 4 oclock I said "It would of been nice if you came, there's a lot of stuff to do here. Being positive though, maybe we'll come back here some day. They do fireworks every Friday" Inside I was pissed.

Then, after I left, I tried to hang out with her later that day, and she was unavailable because "I'm with my best friend Barbara right now". I sent her like 3 text messages expression my anger and telling her I was tired of her wasting my time and I really couldn't stand sh!t like that. We really haven't spoken since.

So it depends on the girl. She was the stubborn type, the type that would of eventually walked all over me if the relationship continued. Women these days don't value men the way they should. Modern women don't care if they waste your money on an event ticket that they were too lazy to wake up for. She later went on to have excuses such as "I told you not to pick me up so early" and "I fell asleep in my Mom's room so I didn't hear the phone" so did she flake accidentally? I think not. She probably wanted to hang out with her friend Barbara so she made an excuse. Translating women into English isn't that hard. She was probably not interesting in going so she fell asleep in her Mom's bed on purpose, not caring that the phone was in the other room (which, by the way, I could hear ringing as I was calling her, so it wasn't like she was pressing the ignore button).

If a girl flakes, it may be best to not show any emotion at all. Don't say "nah, don't worry about it" because you'll be developing a relationship in which the top of a door mat gets with the bottom of a shoe. She is the shoe.

Don't say "you stupid b!tch wasted my time!" or you just develop conflict. You are best off just saying "whatever" and you being silent will cause her to say "i'm sorry! what's wrong? can I make it up to you?" The person who cares the least has the most control. Silently deal with the fact that she flaked, and she will be more apologetic than if you say don't worry about it, or get mad.

NOTE: this advice mainly applies to a girl you are in a relationship with that flakes.

 

[true romance]

guywhoneedshelp

she did you a favour by displaying her behaviour. She know taht you have tickets to a show and she feel asleep..etc Low interest
She disrecpect you...it save you lots of energy longterm..

The way the women flake provide you a lot of information to who she is.

there no clear cut rules on flakiness since every situation is different. As DJ you have to adopt an attitude that fit your principal.

I found indifference, lay back, no contact works for me when deal with flakiness...

At the beginning we have to chase a little but if women flake there might not enough attraction, low interest..chemistry...do not take this personnally.

Just spin other plate..relax, breath

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

guywhoneedshelp

she did you a favour by displaying her behaviour. She know taht you have tickets to a show and she feel asleep..etc Low interest
She disrecpect you...it save you lots of energy longterm..

The way the women flake provide you a lot of information to who she is.

there no clear cut rules on flakiness since every situation is different. As DJ you have to adopt an attitude that fit your principal.

I found indifference, lay back, no contact works for me when deal with flakiness...

At the beginning we have to chase a little but if women flake there might not enough attraction, low interest..chemistry...do not take this personnally.

Just spin other plate..relax, breath

EXACTLY!

Which is why it's always good to have more than one plate spinning. You get less mad if one girl decides to become a b!tch. Her flaking showed low interest. Although she acted so interested in attending the volleyball event, and was so happy I bought tickets, she suddenly became more interested in hanging out with her friends. (Which is tough, young girls have friends that either move or go away to college and then over the summer they come visit and a girls personality can change drastically after a couple of weeks of her seeing old friends. Immature basically.) So yea, great post. Keep the plates spinning.

 

[brian123]

Is it considered flaking if you have plans for something and she cancels due to work/family functions?

 

[DJx420]

yea in my books it is, but if htats the case and she IS interested then she should offer another option for oyu 2 to go out. Just make sure its on YOUR terms and not around hers. You shouldn't be moving things around to go out with her, it should be the other way around.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You automatically put them on probation, and let them know it. Don't go into details with them.

If she calls/contacts you, then you tell her "You're on probation". If not, you wait until/if she tries to get a hold of you.

As mentioned already, she just disqualified herself from your list of potential prospects, until she gets out of probation, that is, and if you still want to give her a chance.

 

[brian123]

Just tell her to bring the movies to your house..continue flirting..kino, kiss..etc
Provide short answer..when she is at your house, unleash your DJ skills
You have many things going on in your life..she just there for a ride.
don't ask for dinner or coffee. If she is intesrest she will offer or hint some kind of activities. You did your job a while back and she flake, it's her turn..

She's never been to my place. I live about 20 min away from her. I think I will reply back with "Hey, thanks for reminding me about them. Ill get them back from you sometime"

If she likes me, she will do some of the chasing.

 

[Igetit!]

That's actually a good question man. Well, I look at it like this:If you say to her,"Let's go to the movies this Saturday at 6:00,and right when you suggest that she says that she can't because she has the family function,then no,that wouldn't be a flake. Especially if she suggest another time or you suggest another time and she agrees to it right then and there on the spot.
But if you tell her you want to go to the movies Sat. at 6:00 then she agrees,but when the day of the date arrives,all of the sudden she can't go because she "forgot" about the hanging out with her family and we've been planning this for 2 months and blah,blah,blah,then this a flake. If she apologizes then suggest another time,and actually follows through with the rescheduled date,then it was not a flake.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

You agree on the plans, you spend $4 a gallon or however much on a cab or a subway or a bus to go do the plan, and she doesn't show up? That's a flake. That's also what cell phones are for.

 

[brian123]

I txt'd her back (after waiting a day) with "Thanks for reminding me about the movies. Ill have to get them back sometime"


Right away she answered back with "Not a problem! Sorry I have been mia lately, things have been super crazy just let me know when you want to get together and we can get you your movies!"

It's funny, she keeps her place super clean, so I know she just didn't "find" the movies.


2 cents anyone?

 

[r0cky]

I txt'd her back (after waiting a day) with "Thanks for reminding me about the movies. Ill have to get them back sometime"


Right away she answered back with "Not a problem! Sorry I have been mia lately, things have been super crazy just let me know when you want to get together and we can get you your movies!"

It's funny, she keeps her place super clean, so I know she just didn't "find" the movies.


2 cents anyone?

What always works for me with flakes is requesting to see them that same day. I'll ask them what they are up to, if they're not doing anything then tell them you feel like going somewhere or doing something and you want her to come along. Like going to get ice cream, pizza, or picking up your movies.
If you wanna be really aggressive just tell her "I'm coming over" she might put up some resistance but thats often just a sh.t test.

Girls are much less likely to flake on plans for the same day.

Once you're at her house remember my signature.