Resisting Isolation? WTF!

[Billydee]

How many isolation attempts should you make before ejecting? Particularly when a girl is egging you on. Check this out:


She flirts with you alot. Huge kino, compliments, asking you alot of personal questions. She doesn't do this with anybody else. And she does this consistently. Never any "ignoring" days.

You ask her out on a date, she flakes, avoids, whatever. So, you back off.

She continues to flirt, kino, compliment alot, she gives you her number unprompted. She says she'd love to go out doing XYZ. The next week you call and ask if she wants to go XYZ, and she avoids the question.

The next time you see her, she is STILL continuing w/ the flirtation. Kino getting more sexual. She asks you to do something, but there's a pattern emerging:

She'll go to lunch, to the gym, etc. with you, but avoids going on REAL dates (at night, on the weekend, etc). But so far she is NOT treating you as a male girlfriend. She's not talking about other "cute" guys, nor is she trying to get you to do "favors" for her. WTF!?

I'm thinking she's either:

1) An attention *****

2) A REAL slow mover or a follwer of "The Rules" so she wants to keep it slow for awhile, or

3) Has a boyfriend that she's thinking of dumping and/or cheating on.


Thoughts? What's the most likely scenario?

Since I'm not sure which one it is, how should I proceed? Just do the "don't call her" thing?

 

[uniassign]

She'll go to lunch, to the gym, etc. with you, but avoids going on REAL dates

All the better. Just spontaneously kiss her.

Who cares about going on real dates. When you start making out with her, that's when it "just happens"

 

[Billydee]

Thanks dude, but I think you're missing the point.

She won't let me get her ISOLATED. I don't care about going on "dates" with her really. I just am looking for an excuse to get her alone & in private. So far, she won't go out at NIGHT at all (in private or in public, like a bar/restaurant/movie). And so far we haven't been in private during the DAY (it's just meeting @ the gym or lunch at an outdoor cafe).


The point is this: I think girls DO act consistently FROM THEIR VIEWPOINT, even when the SEEM to act inconsistently to us. The problem is, we often have a hard time seeing it from HER viewpoint.

So, assuming she's acting consistently from her viewpoint, she's either:

1) An attention *****.

2) A slow mover or a "The Rules"girl.

3) Has a BF she thinks she wants to dump, but hasn't had the ovaries to do yet.


I don't think she's #2, just a gut feeling. She's not a slut or anything, but certainly not a total miss priss either.

So, it's down to #1 or #3.....

 

[ematsuda]

Here's what you do: Don't ask her out during the day. If she asks you to do stuff with you during the day, say that you can't make it - you're busy. If you keep up what you're doing now, you'll fall into the "friends" category. Also, if you keep going out with her whenever SHE suggests and do whatever SHE wants, she won't respect you. You'll come across as needy. Back off a bit. Patience is virtue here. In some instances, you need to take one step back in order to take two steps forward in the relationship. The rules of attraction, so to speak.

 

[Billydee]

Thanks. That's kind of what I had in mind.

We talk or run into each other about once or twice a week. Last time was Tuesday morning when we ran into each other @ the gym. I left first and we didn't make plans to do anything. More like a, "well, see ya later" thing.

I'm going to a bachelor party in Michigan this weekend, so I won't won't talk to her or see her at least until Monday. Which is good, 'cause I'll be genuinely "busy." heh.

So, you suggest I:

1) Don't call her. Let her call me first. She has my number, after all. She'll either not call ever (in which case, fine....she was just a waste of time anyway), call for a daytime "buddy" date, or cave in and invite me for a real date.

2) If she calls and invites me to go to something in the day, say I'm busy.

3) If I ask her out, only ask her for something date-like at night.


I guess the only thing I struggle with is #3.

I've already asked her out twice on real dates, and she flaked out both times. But then she comes right back at me w/ the flirting, kino, etc. Persistence is one thing, but it feels like she's trying this game to see how many times I'll ask her out before giving up.

It's alot like when those 2 year old kids in high chairs drop something and watch you pick it up off the floor. Then the do it again and again, just to watch you do it.

Anyway, if she asks me for another "buddy" date and I decline, should I counter with a "real" date right then and there? Or should I wait for awhile before calling her again? Or let her call ME again for another date, etc. until she either gives up or gets the hint?

 

[ematsuda]

This one looks tough to budge if she already said "no" twice. So yeah, don't call her and wait it out. If she's truly interested in you she'll call YOU. Probably wondering why you're not panting at her feet like a little puppy anymore. If she doesn't call you in 2 weeks, call her for a NIGHT date. But if you get anything but an enthusiastic "yes", it's time to cut you losses and move on.

Personally, I'd have moved on after the first "no" but some people have a higher toloerance for pain than others.

Oh, and remember, three strikes and you're out!

 

[Billydee]

Yeah, sounds like a plan.

And the only reason I didn't move on immediately was because

1) I was sitting with her every night in class (the class is now over), and

2) After I backed off for about a week, she came BACK at me heavier than before. Major flirting, kino, etc. On the last night of class, she handed me her number without me asking for it. Which is why I took a second crack at it.

 

[uniassign]

Go for broke.

Invite her to your house or invite yourself to her house. She might not want to be seen with you (for some f&*ked up reason). Tell her you want her help with some homework, or check out a video you made or whatever.

Ask if she can cook and get her over to cook you a meal.

 

[Gonzalo]

Not to sound like a Doc Love Scholar, but why break your balls over a girl who doesn't want to spend time with you? And the daytime activieties thing, I mean, sounds cool, but if you ask her out as in "ask her out", and she avoids the subject or plays it off, there you have your answer. If what you want is some falvor of "NO!" to your invitation, expect to not get it, some girls just want to avoid us guys the pain of rejection, bleh, I think it's better to rely on non-verbal ques to gauge IL when asking them out. You even have better chance to do that in person than over the phone.

If I were you I would act like I don't care. Say, I wouldnt ask her for lunch or go to gym, but wouldnt say no if I'm on my way and I'm alone or something, think social proof, but thats me. Whatever you do, remember to keep the influx of girls in your daily life. Good look. G

 

[Billydee]

Thanks Gonzalo. That's basically my plan. I'll keep some minor contact with her, and maybe go out once or twice if she asks me. But overall, I'm going to avoid a "regular" hanging-out pattern, and avoid any kind of "buddy" conversations.


The ONLY reason why I'm having problems with her (why I don't NEXT her immediately), is because she is giving HUGE non-verbal clues that her IL is very high. I mean, off the charts. Always happy/excited to see me, laughing @ my jokes, etc. Always hitting or grabbing my arm, sharing her food with me, etc. When leaving the gym the other day, she was totally checking me out when I was lifting. And when we left, and when I was still walking to my car and as she drove by, she rolled down the window and even gave me a cat-call like, "hey baby! wooo ho!" And she DOES counter-offer...but just with low-grade "dates" like lunch or the gym, not going out to a bar or dancing or pool, etc. And when we're together, she's not talking about other guys, or stuff she would w/ her girlfriends.

In short: ALL signs point to very high IL and that she's totally digging me EXCEPT THAT she's avoiding going on "real" dates with me.