relying too much on looks...

[finalstep1]

this was probably discussed before but i couldn't find anything so here's my story...

i've been going out a lot ever since i was 15 (24 now) and out of all my friends i get approached by girls the most, in high school i was the school qb so that got me a lot of attention from girls and yet i end up getting less dates then any of them especially when it comes to girls i want not the ones that want me 1st if that makes sense
a lot of times when we are at a bar one of my friends will start talking to a group of girls and most of the time i will get 1 that starts talking to me and i still end up getting nowhere most of the time

now i have no problems keeping a conversation under normal circumstances, i have female friends that i can talk to for hours just fine but when it comes to girls i am actually interested in i absolutely freeze (unless i'm totally drunk but not the point) .. i guess i've relied on girls coming up to me for so long that i just never developed any kind of game and now i seem to have a lot of approach anxiety as i just never bothered to approach girls in high school, bars, etc because of this

ideally i would like to be able to come upto girls i'm interested in rather then just improve my game with girls that hit on me first but either would be great at this point
bottom line is i just can't break this thing .. any suggestions on what i can do besides the obvious of just walk up and start talking because i just can't seem to get myself to do it no matter how many times i tell myself "whats the worst that can happen" blah blah blah

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...i have female friends that i can talk to for hours just fine but when it comes to girls i am actually interested in i absolutely freeze (unless i'm totally drunk but not the point) ..

Oh really, why don't you think that this is the point? It helps define where you meet these women, the state of these women and your specific state. Why wouldn't this matter?

...
i guess i've relied on girls coming up to me for so long that i just never developed any kind of game and now i seem to have a lot of approach anxiety as i just never bothered to approach girls in high school, bars, etc because of this

Think that booze has anything to do with this?

...
ideally i would like to be able to come upto girls i'm interested in rather then just improve my game with girls that hit on me first but either would be great at this point
bottom line is i just can't break this thing .. any suggestions on what i can do besides the obvious of just walk up and start talking because i just can't seem to get myself to do it no matter how many times i tell myself "whats the worst that can happen" blah blah blah

Really, what's the big difference between the women you talk to for hours and those you are attracted to? Could it be the booze????!!!!

 

[finalstep1]

the booze comment was a joke

the women i talk to for hours are friends i'm not interested in dating or have already hooked up with before and am not interested in getting with again
the women i would like to be able to come up to are new females i see in social settings such as bars, etc

 

[movistar]

It's never too late to start developing your game.
I'm assuming your out of school now so you may not have the same type of opportunities to meet women. Go out during the day and try approaching women everywhere you go supermarket, bookstore, coffee shop, Airplane, DMV etc. I've met a woman in all of these situations.
It comes down to practice and getting comfortable talking to women.

 

[finalstep1]

It's never too late to start developing your game.
I'm assuming your out of school now so you may not have the same type of opportunities to meet women. Go out during the day and try approaching women everywhere you go supermarket, bookstore, coffee shop, Airplane, DMV etc. I've met a woman in all of these situations.
It comes down to practice and getting comfortable talking to women.

ok well my problem isn't really keeping up a conversation its more approach anxiety .. how do you handle that?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...the women i talk to for hours are friends i'm not interested in dating or have already hooked up with before and am not interested in getting with again
the women i would like to be able to come up to are new females i see in social settings such as bars, etc

I still don't see a difference other than familiarity (or lack of). That's easily addressed.

 

[hyperactive]

I had this problem for awhile and it still lingers a bit. A tad anxious on the approach. I got laid quite a bit for quite a few years there by getting drunk and/or having the women approach me. When quit getting high and drinking I was like, damn, what do I do now? I had no identity beyond the booze and drugs because I started at such a young age, had all my sex high etc. I don't og to clubs much anymore, and because I am sober I am not as connected with the house party scene. Plus I think there is a period after high school and college where women may ease back on the experimentation phase a bit, before they find their place in the world and get their sex drive back (could be totally wrong here.) It just seems like 19 year olds can be alot easier to game with than 27 year olds, but 35 year olds have reverted back to experimentation and fun. Most women go through a semi- frigid phase probably.

Partys with drunk girls are always the easiest lays but beyond that, on the street, in the work place, at the store, whatever, it's a whole new ball game.

 

[The Inside Man]

It is definitely a new ball game, one I'm getting more used to after graduating college... I just try to look for opportunities in my day to day routine, small talk that can turn into something more. Social circles have been great for me but that can be a comfort zone too. It is nice to have your reputation precede you sometimes!

 

[ChocolateVanilla]

It's never too late to start developing your game.
I'm assuming your out of school now so you may not have the same type of opportunities to meet women. Go out during the day and try approaching women everywhere you go supermarket, bookstore, coffee shop, Airplane, DMV etc. I've met a woman in all of these situations.
It comes down to practice and getting comfortable talking to women.

I agree, practice, practice, practice. I was terrible at approaching too but I'm a lot better now just because of practice. Just approach, see a hot girl you like? Talk to her, I would use a canned line in the beginning just to make you comfortable with opening since you got something to say, but you can even just say "hi" and start talking. I still get approach anxiety sometimes, but nowhere near as much as I used too, just practice. Trust me, it works, you will improve the more you try.


You can read articles all day, at the end of the day, it's 100% pointless if you don't approach. I also wouldn't wait around for IOI (indicator's or interest) either from random girls, those are few and far for most average looking guys. A lot of guys keep saying look for IOI's before approaching,etc..... but not everyone is born good-looking like you haha.