Relying on Social Circles and Online Dating

[user43770]

These are what Rollo Tomassi refers to as buffers.* If you aren't familiar with Rollo's posts, basically, we all fear rejection, so in order to reduce the sh1ttyness of said rejection, we find avenues that make it less personal.

Relying on social circle and online dating are crutches - they make rejection easier to swallow. It never really becomes personal; with social circle game, you can casually mention hanging out and if the chick says no, no big deal. It was just casual hanging out, right? Nothing lost there; with online dating, you spam email hot chicks and only risk the opportunity cost of your time.

Random pick-up is tough. No doubt about it. It takes balls to cold-approach some random female that you find attractive. She might crush your huge fvcking ego. Grab your balls and be ready for it. How does it really affect your mood or daily life? Not much. If anything, you'll feel better having done it.

Your ancestors grabbed their balls and proved their manhood, too, but guess what, they were facing warriors with weapons!

We all have to be mentally prepared for the varied responses we might get from random women. Sometimes, women are going to react very cold when you approach them. It sucks, sure, but this is also what makes it exhilarating.

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”

If you ever want to see success at anything, you're going to have to risk something - it may be your time, your money or your pride, but you're always going to have to put something at stake.


If you want to get pvssy, put up or shut up.




*If you aren't familiar with Rollo, search his posts on this site and/or buy his book The Rational Male.

 

[skinnyguy]

Cold approach good for pump and dump. Social circle good for long term.

 

[user43770]

Cold approach good for pump and dump. Social circle good for long term.

If you'd have said online dating (rather than cold-approach) I would have agreed wholeheartedly, but I disagree with your statement.

Cold-approaching is a mixed bag, but you can better your ratio by targeting chicks that give you signals. Bible Belt has called it being a "sniper." You get a warm signal, and then you approach.

Social circle game easy, and if relied upon fully, it becomes a crutch.

 

[user43770]

I tried online dating for a couple months. I felt like a needle in a haystack. I hated it. I felt powerless over the outcome. I knew I was better than most of the chicks shooting me down, and I refused to keep inflating their egos. I'd rather approach a women in person and make them feel uncomfortable. Women lose that entitlement complex when you approach them 1 on 1. I'm not saying you're guaranteed to lay them when you cold-approach, but they damn sure respect you if you show unbridled confidence.

In my home town, I had a huge social circle. I'm not going to say that it wasn't beneficial for getting laid; at least half of my lays are based entirely on social circle game. Looking back, though, I could have laid many more women if I hadn't relied so much on my social circle. I've always cold-approached, but I also had my crowd of friends to fall back on.

I recently moved to a new city where I don't know anyone. Social circle game doesn't exist for me anymore. All I can do now is cold-approach.

I've been in a sh1tty work situation for the past few months. Life has been sucking. No time or money to do hobbies, much less approach women. Rather than giving up and feeling sh1tty about it, I've reached out to veteran posters that I respect (samspade) seeking motivation.

I'm making something out of nothing. It's a great feeling for me. It's something I needed in my life.

Then again, I could be wrong about all of this. Our perception is our reality.


Here's to making 2 approaches tomorrow at the grocery store.

 

[handle]

The cold approach thing just isn't to my taste. I prefer to do "social circle" but have a very wide-reaching network of friends. You can call it lame if you want, I really don't care. Maybe if I hit a dry spell I would have to cold approach but that's never been an issue, where I'm at right now I turn down more girls than I hook up with.

Although I guess in a way I do cold approach because I start conversations with strangers pretty frequently. But that's just a natural thing, I don't consider it an "approach."

 

[TheVirtualMind]

Cold approach, social circle, online, who cares?

The main thing is to figure out what works for YOU. Everyone has their strength and weakness. The goal is to embrace the strength and lessen the weakness.

Besides, you can turn online or cold approach into a social circle.

 

[user43770]

Cold approach, social circle, online, who cares?

The main thing is to figure out what works for YOU. Everyone has their strength and weakness. The goal is to embrace the strength and lessen the weakness.

Besides, you can turn online or cold approach into a social circle.

Well, I don't particularly care. If you're steadily getting laid, then keep it up. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

All I'm saying is, don't find something that's easy and rely on it. I found that social circle game was easy, and I half relied on it for years, but now I feel like a dunce for not putting more focus on my day game.

If your strength happens to be social circle game or online dating, maybe you should get out of your comfort zone and approach those hotties you see at the gas station, or the movie theater, or the mall...

Test your limits and see what happens. See how face-to-face rejection feels. It's empowering. I promise.

 

[Mr Wright]

It's like anything else. If you put all your eggs into one basket you can end up dropping it.

I think your main source should be your social circle and it should be supplemented by cold approaching. With your social circle you can get on with other things in your life other than girls but still have them around. I know I don't want to be cold approaching everytime I want to meet a new girl, it's too time consuming. At the end of the day we want to bang the hottest girls possible as quickly as people. The only exhilarating thing should be you putting your d!ck in her mouth.

 

[BeDJ]

This is the thread that SoSuave needs. 90% of the thread starts with "I've been talking to this HB(4+?) ....."

People that emphasize that online dating should 'supplement' their game are just lying to themselves. They get complacent. They get comfortable. They get approach anxiety. They think it's seduction. It's not. I've been there and I had the same rational. (For reference: Online Dating is Beta Game) Seduction is attracting someone into a course of action. Men used to be the crusaders of the world, we are now just a shell of that. You b!tch about how women have all the power in the dating market whie you wait for responses in your inbox. Wake the fvck up and do something about it. You are fueling the same machine that will eventually turn against you.

I've hung out with good looking/tall men that say they are successful with online dating. When we double approach, these very men who had their egos stroked via Plenty Of Faggots eject with tails between their legs. Getting them to approach again is like pulling teeth, once they experience the bitter taste of rejection, they give up. WAKE UP. This is REAL LIFE. The women you cold approach don't know about your six-pack. They don't know about you pet corgi. They don't know about your BMW. They just know YOU. That is seduction. The playing field is leveled. The ones that succeed are the ones with the biggest balls.

Get the fvck out there and get rejected.

Are you Alpha enough to take a rejection on the chin, smile and confidently come back for more? Or will you run, will you block yourself, will you hide with convenient buffers?

http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/26/buffers/

 

[skinnyguy]

most guys get rejected more online than in IRL.

 

[sighsigh]

Unless you're going to crowded parties every single night, you're going to meet hundreds of times more desirable women doing cold approaches than you would during the course of more natural social interactions (workplace, social gatherings, etc.).

Women will be more receptive to you if you try to pick them up during a natural social interaction as opposed to a cold pickup, but I don't think the difference is really all that significant. All other things equal, I don't see a huge difference between striking up a conversation with a random woman at, say, a bookstore, and striking up a conversation with a random women your friend has introduced to you at a social gathering. Your success in the interaction either way is going to overwhelmingly depend on how you present yourself (physical appearance, personality, etc.), and not the context in which the interaction takes place.

I imagine a very significant percentage of the men on this forum are introverted and/or have social anxiety. They're going to have small or non-existent social circles and so won't really have realistic options other than cold pickup, anyways (well, other than online dating).

 

[TheVirtualMind]

Well, I don't particularly care. If you're steadily getting laid, then keep it up. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

All I'm saying is, don't find something that's easy and rely on it. I found that social circle game was easy, and I half relied on it for years, but now I feel like a dunce for not putting more focus on my day game.

If your strength happens to be social circle game or online dating, maybe you should get out of your comfort zone and approach those hotties you see at the gas station, or the movie theater, or the mall...

Test your limits and see what happens. See how face-to-face rejection feels. It's empowering. I promise.

Not disagreeing and never said to avoid getting out of your comfort zone. Go out, do every approach you can think of. Social circle, cold, online, ect. If it works, great. If not, figure out why and make it work.