Relax......it will be ok

[Glassguy]

Over the past 5 years since my divorce, I have dated a lot. Granted I had a 2.5 yr relationship during that 5 years, but on a typical rotation I would have 2-4 chicks that I was talking to and actively seeing. I very much have an "outcome indifferent" outlook with plates.

Normally I am just casually dating women because I find too many things wrong with them to consider them for a LTR. Its just the way it is. I would rather be single and do what I want than be in a "relationship" with the wrong woman and still do what I want AND have to explain myself to her.

I have recently been dating the same woman for the past 3 months. Attractive, well educated (doctor), no kids, actually went to high school together even though I am several years older......but she does have a special set of circumstances in her life going on right now. I was fine with that as long as things progressed to get them taken care of and moving forward.

Over the past few weeks things concerning the said situation seemed to come to a halt with no progress. After being patient for some time, I more or less questioned what she was doing to keep things progressing until there was closure on it. At that point she became defensive, somewhat b1tchy, all of a sudden she was indifferent about my opinion and didnt even want to talk about it, so she rushed off the phone. That was yesterday at 4pm. Radio silence since, and you can bet that Glassguy isn't going to reach out.

Feeling this coming on a couple weeks ago, I've had a few new contestants who have been hitting me up on fb, IG, etc. that I certainly didnt run off given her now passive outlook on getting her situation squared away. On top of that, I have slowly been withdrawing attention and time given to her due to her inability to aggressively take care of what she needed to take care of. So I will start setting up new dates and embrace the opportunity to meet some new faces and get back out there.

When things seem to come to an end with a chick that you truly like (for me the "truly like" part doesnt come around that often) it does suck.

What I realize, however, is that I was crystal clear on my boundaries and expectations regarding her situation, and she didnt think that I would hold frame. She was wrong and I held it. I will continue to hold it as well. I did exactly what I was supposed to do and I was clear with her about it.

Glassguy has been here before, a few times actually, and I know that when one door closes, several doors always open. Time is your most valuable commodity. You can choose to spend it where the investment makes the most sense, so spend it wisely.

When you find yourself in this situation, be a man with options and embrace it. No matter how you think a woman has "fallen for you", etc., its ALWAYS a good idea to have an option or two at your disposal (not cheating, just keeping a couple at bay as "friends" once you know they are interested).

Take a deep breath and relax......it always works out in the end.

 

[Glassguy]

Had a similar situation except tbh I'm relieved.

That's the way it should work. There should be some sense of relief because there is normally an underlying, unsolved problem that is lingering when it gets to that point. I got to the point that I was ok either way. I was getting tired of the drama and mood swings.

 

[The Duke]

I was crystal clear on my boundaries and expectations regarding her situation, and she didnt think that I would hold frame. She was wrong and I held it. I will continue to hold it as well. I did exactly what I was supposed to do and I was clear with her about it.

I often encounter situations like this and when they happen I'm always left with the impression that most guys don't hold women accountable and its led to the problems we have today.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I had a similar issue last year , with a chick that I “really liked” and it all came crashing down because I chose to ignore the elephant that had been standing in the room with us for 3 months after we met ( her EX )

The problem is it doesn’t matter how good you are with women or how many you’ve slept with how many plates you have spinning

Once you meet one you genuinely connect with one past a sexual level the whole landscape changes nothing can really prepare you for it ( bar experience )

It’s a common misconception that women develop feelings faster than men …… they don’t simple as that after 3 months I had assumed that this was long enough for us to be exclusive and for her to understand what I expected from her as a “girlfriend”

To cut a long story short it wasn’t …..and after a further 2 months of us tearing each other apart she decided to tell me she was back seeing her ex and wanted to see where things were going with him

I was sad but decided to cut all contact and move on with my life 4 months later she begged me to meet her so I decided to hear her out I could tell she had genuine remorse

It left me with a very difficult decision so I took her back on probation and 7 months later everything’s ticking along nicely

Even now I wouldn’t even say I’m as invested as I was in those first 3 months but that was a lesson I had to learn the hard way , had I read the writing on the wall regarding her ex from around the second week in I could of saved myself a lot of heartache but I chose not too out of ignorance


To summarise :

Unfortunately generally women don’t realise the consequences of boundaries until they’ve crossed them

( think the story of Adam & eve where eve took the apple despite being told she wasn’t allowed it )

Its then up to you as the man to decide whether she has learnt her lesson or whether she is likely to do something like that again, some people are capable of learning lessons others are not.

 

[Spaz]

You did good. It's hard when you like someone, it gets harder if that someone has been in your life for more then 3 months.

It only takes 3 months for a man to bond with a woman and that's when roots start to sink in.

Like a dog, loyal as hell, that's the root cause.

 

[Roober]

So, she is still married? I am going to go against the grain and say, as a man, you may have mishandled it.

 

[Spaz]

If she's married or even engaged, she's taken. That must be respected whatever the circumstances.

 

[Glassguy]

So, she is still married? I am going to go against the grain and say, as a man, you may have mishandled it.

Yes. Paperwork prepared 2 months ago, they have been separated for 12 months now. He (future ex husband) is an attorney himself and won't sign the dissolution papers to let this go smoothly. The papers are still in his possession after 2 weeks and she shows no ambition to push it forward. She also is dead set on turning it into an actual divorce, which he cannot manipulate and prohibit. There are a lot of details that I won't go into, but I told her all along that I would see her as long as she was getting divorced. Now she thinks because she had the papers drawn up and refuses to stay on her attorney, that she has to wait on him (future ex) to sign papers. Which he isn't going to do.

So it got to a dead end street and she got mildly disrespectful when I was asking what her plan was. To make a long story short, if you knew the details it would make more sense in my stance. I knocked the ball back over the net and she looks to be done playing. So I will hold frame.

I guarantee you if the roles were reversed, she would be asking me for updates on my situation every day. I rarely bring it up unless she does first and I've been very patient in dealing with the entire situation.

 

[sazc]

@Glassguy I'm glad you expressed your expectations and standards and stuck to them.

IMO a woman (especially a woman) should be empathetic enough to understand that a man isn't going to want to invest emotionally if she isn't truly "free". You are absolutely correct in your "shoe on the other foot" perspective.

The fact that she got dismissive and disrespectful when you inquired about the matter, IMO, pretty clearly demonstrates that your feelings are not her first priority.

Better to walk away

 

[guru1000]

Balls in her court. She either complies or gets off the ship. The frame you walk away with from this will carry into your future dealings with women.

YOU > her

 

[Glassguy]

Balls in her court. She either complies or gets off the ship. The frame you walk away with from this will carry into your future dealings with women.

YOU > her

Every. Fvcking. Time.

Consistency and the ability to walk away. Its everything.

 

[sosousage]

I had a similar issue last year , with a chick that I “really liked” and it all came crashing down because I chose to ignore the elephant that had been standing in the room with us for 3 months after we met ( her EX )

The problem is it doesn’t matter how good you are with women or how many you’ve slept with how many plates you have spinning

Once you meet one you genuinely connect with one past a sexual level the whole landscape changes nothing can really prepare you for it ( bar experience )

It’s a common misconception that women develop feelings faster than men …… they don’t simple as that after 3 months I had assumed that this was long enough for us to be exclusive and for her to understand what I expected from her as a “girlfriend”

To cut a long story short it wasn’t …..and after a further 2 months of us tearing each other apart she decided to tell me she was back seeing her ex and wanted to see where things were going with him

I was sad but decided to cut all contact and move on with my life 4 months later she begged me to meet her so I decided to hear her out I could tell she had genuine remorse

It left me with a very difficult decision so I took her back on probation and 7 months later everything’s ticking along nicely

Even now I wouldn’t even say I’m as invested as I was in those first 3 months but that was a lesson I had to learn the hard way , had I read the writing on the wall regarding her ex from around the second week in I could of saved myself a lot of heartache but I chose not too out of ignorance


To summarise :

Unfortunately generally women don’t realise the consequences of boundaries until they’ve crossed them

( think the story of Adam & eve where eve took the apple despite being told she wasn’t allowed it )

Its then up to you as the man to decide whether she has learnt her lesson or whether she is likely to do something like that again, some people are capable of learning lessons others are not.

yeah nothing can you prepare for true love even if you spin plates

but theres one more thing that may help you

feel in love with two plates in the same time. one leaves you or does stupid stuff, you go to the other one, while searching new ones

 

[soulforge]

I had a similar issue last year , with a chick that I “really liked” and it all came crashing down because I chose to ignore the elephant that had been standing in the room with us for 3 months after we met ( her EX )

The problem is it doesn’t matter how good you are with women or how many you’ve slept with how many plates you have spinning

Once you meet one you genuinely connect with one past a sexual level the whole landscape changes nothing can really prepare you for it ( bar experience )

It’s a common misconception that women develop feelings faster than men …… they don’t simple as that after 3 months I had assumed that this was long enough for us to be exclusive and for her to understand what I expected from her as a “girlfriend”

To cut a long story short it wasn’t …..and after a further 2 months of us tearing each other apart she decided to tell me she was back seeing her ex and wanted to see where things were going with him

I was sad but decided to cut all contact and move on with my life 4 months later she begged me to meet her so I decided to hear her out I could tell she had genuine remorse

It left me with a very difficult decision so I took her back on probation and 7 months later everything’s ticking along nicely

Even now I wouldn’t even say I’m as invested as I was in those first 3 months but that was a lesson I had to learn the hard way , had I read the writing on the wall regarding her ex from around the second week in I could of saved myself a lot of heartache but I chose not too out of ignorance


To summarise :

Unfortunately generally women don’t realise the consequences of boundaries until they’ve crossed them

( think the story of Adam & eve where eve took the apple despite being told she wasn’t allowed it )

Its then up to you as the man to decide whether she has learnt her lesson or whether she is likely to do something like that again, some people are capable of learning lessons others are not.

One thing you should NEVER give a woman another chance on, is if she Leaves you.. If she left once, it's pretty much guaranteed she will leave again.

 

[sosousage]

One thing you should NEVER give a woman another chance on, is if she Leaves you.. If she left once, it's pretty much guaranteed she will leave again.

applies to men too

 

[Glassguy]

Just to be clear.....my purpose for this post wasn't to show that I have problems come up with women because we all do at some point.

My purpose was how you handle it. At the end of the day you can let your frame fold, lose your self respect and stay in a relationship that will die a slow death from that point forward.

Or........you can hold frame and walk away knowing that you did what your gut told you to do and walk, not only keeping your self respect but also increasing it. They will either come back into your now stronger than ever frame, or they won't. If they don't, she wasn't the girl for you anyway.

That was my point. Does it mean that it still can sting? Of course. It I'll tell you what stings more......giving a woman your balls on a silver platter, losing your self respect and staying in a tainted relationship that will soon die because you aren't leading her anymore. Realizing later that you lost more time and more energy and now look like a wuss and at the end of the day losing all that did no good. It only prolonged the inevitable for a few more weeks or months.

That's my point of this thread.

 

[Trump]

Over the past few weeks things concerning the said situation seemed to come to a halt with no progress. After being patient for some time, I more or less questioned what she was doing to keep things progressing until there was closure on it.

What does she need to do to keep things progressing?

On top of that, I have slowly been withdrawing attention and time given to her due to her inability to aggressively take care of what she needed to take care of.

Again bro, what does she need to aggressively take care of after dating you for 3 months?

What I realize, however, is that I was crystal clear on my boundaries and expectations regarding her situation, and she didnt think that I would hold frame. She was wrong and I held it. I will continue to hold it as well. I did exactly what I was supposed to do and I was clear with her about it.

Bro you seem to get girls with your eyes closed, but you are talking very vaguely like we are supposed to know what you are talking about.

What were you exactly supposed to do with a female Doctor you have been dating for 3 months?

When you find yourself in this situation, be a man with options and embrace it. No matter how you think a woman has "fallen for you", etc., its ALWAYS a good idea to have an option or two at your disposal (not cheating, just keeping a couple at bay as "friends" once you know they are interested).

True.

 

[Glassguy]

I sent you a PM Trump. I didn't want to go into too much detail in my original message because there is too much to it.

 

[Mazer]

I had a similar situation with a woman I was dating. She was dragging her feet when it came to getting the divorced finalized with her ex husband. She kept placing the blame on him, telling me that he wouldn't sign the papers. The truth was, by her ex-husband not signing, it made her feel that she was still wanted by him, validation in a way. Fast forward a few months and her ex started dating a new woman and finally decided to sign the papers. Thats when she went cold on me and starting sleeping with him to get him back. Between flakey women and those with ex bfs and husbands, the odds of landing LTR arent very good. You were headed down a bumpy road with this chick. You did the right thing,

 

[ohrein]

Zen and the art of being a man. Good stuff.

 

[ubercat]

Yeah I've had them too. After five and a half years my leggy Romanian x model started in with the disrespect - gone. After two and a half years my hot little Asian girlfriend started Crossing my boundaries - gone.

I've semi redpilled my current girlfriend. 2 years in. Early days we'll see how it goes.