Relatives son is a complete #**#*#

[derby1]

Wondering what peoples advice would be on this, in a professional manner. (as much as id like to smack him up)

Relative, *single mom 50 years old, *nice woman, *but 16 year old son, is heavy weed smoking jobless fool.

the step dad has left the house, as low and behold the son said "your not my dad"

his original dad isnt much use either....so there's little masculinity hes worried about

what strategies can this mom use so she can regain some order, and he gets a job etc......

 

[HyenaPrince]

This is a heavily complicated situation. 16 is a f*cked up age for a single mother to handle - it's even hard for some normally functioning families where the parents haven't been divorced. She needs to slap the sh*t out of him and take his devices away from him so he can get a grip and a whiff of reality. I'm not a parent but I'm trying to assess how I would act as a father. I'd force my son to go to a boxing class and let the experienced boxers there beat him up so he'd get humbled real good. Hell, I'd put my boxing gloves on and give him the good dad treatment.

He clearly needs a father figure in his life. A mother can't emulate that.

 

[Baibars]

She can do nothing. She is messed up and his father is also. Being a nice single mom means nothing. She made the wrong decisions, wrong parenting etc. Nobody else brought him up the right way and everybody including his mom expect him to be a good useful man after he got 16 years old. He is old enough and he has to decide himself to change. There is no other way after a certain age.
Doesn't mean you as a parent shouldn't keep telling your son what to do with his life and so on but it's not fair to do so many mistakes in the upbringing and then whine because your kid is a loser.

 

[derby1]

yeah i agree hes way to comfy and has no fear of survival, due to his abundance of safety nets

 

[derby1]

Being a nice single mom means nothing.

i didnt mean it that way sorry, i just meant she is a pleasant woman, and has reached out for help. her other son is a good member of society and nothing like this fool

 

[Alvafe]

i didnt mean it that way sorry, i just meant she is a pleasant woman, and has reached out for help. her other son is a good member of society and nothing like this fool

kinda late she should have done something around 10-12 now on 16 good luck, trying to salvage will be hard, pretty much she will have to pull a iron fist in her home and her kid, that mean, no money given, be on top of him to study like crazy, no permission to leave the house, save for school, work around 16 will be nigh impossible if he have a fame, also take note, it WILL make the kid lash out, and on that moment she would need to be even mean to regain control, you can't even blame teh step father the kid was not his responsability, the father who should don't care (that could also be the reason the kid is what he is), worse case letting the kid go to jail for some time can also scare the sh!t out of him.

but like I said is kinda hard now, and since the situation is what it is now, I doubt she would do what is needed

 

[HyenaPrince]

I don't know the woman, but she is probably the main cause of the problem. Because there's also the fact that this kid didn't have a father figure his whole life. Even when the second guy, let's say, jumped into their life 5 years ago. This would mean the kid had his real father for 11 years and then the second one for 5 weak years. And he hasn't even reached the age of 18!!! How can one expect that this kid could have evolved or developed any kind of inner guidance.

The mother is at fault when she jumps from man to man. If you have a kid, at least work together so it can grow in a world of constants. It is very irresponsible to let this kid eat the **** because two grown a** people couldn't figure out their emotional differences. Again, I don't know her, nor the circumstances.

How close are you to those two? If you are very close, you could at least guide that little sh*t a little bit.

 

[bcude]

Force/encourage him into the military somehow so he'll surround himself with some sort of masculinity and learn what it means to be a man since that's been lacking all his life.

You think he's no fear but it's actually the opposite. He's so full of fear that he hides behind it and can't do anything in life which is the result of not having a father figure around. Father's keep pushing their son's and make them handle their emotion of fear at an early age.

Assuming there hasn't been any real strong father figure around, which it sounded like.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If he is smoking weed to rebel, mom should do it with him, and it will instantly become uncool, making him find something else to use to get under her skin. And if that doesn't work, I have seen parents ration weed out to their teenage kids in exchange for doing their chores and homework before they get to smoke. Maybe that's not parent of the year material, but it is better than the kid going down the downward spiral of rebellion into harder drugs and ultimately prison.

 

[Lookatu]

Kinda late as everyone said but get her to buy him a 1 way ticket to Russia and some money to spend the summer there. See how much deep $hit he'll get into on his own and land in one of the prisons there.

Or have her sweet talk him into getting into the military. Bootcamp itself should start straightening him out.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Maybe your mileage may differ, but having been in this position, I've always found it to be a lost cause.

Some mothers are the worst enablers and further send their children down a counter-productive spiral.

From my past perspective, it's painful to watch. I've seen children on the fence and enabling mothers do the opposite of what is in the child's best interest. Because we aren't "immediate family" our hands are tied and we can only make suggestions (which are usually ignored).

 

[Mbuckets82]

So mom married two women? Young mles need a man to direct them. Mom no matter how Good she may be aint dad. I’ve read the the most dangerous thing on earth is a young male without a dad.