VikingKing
Banned
So I've been really forcing myself to take a good hard look at issues. I was the youngest of four, very very high energy, so I think I was brushed off a lot my immediate family sometimes, a bit ignored, a burden. my family is middle class, good looking.
I was annoying but not mean. my sister above me would run around chanting friendless, friendless, like a little song. I remember one time she came and was being all nice say hey "name' and I was like, yeah yeah what do you want from me? I was like 8. She would be nice, and then a *****, and nice, and a ***** when we were young.
my dad was always a emotionally distant, hard working, and responsible, a man of principles and values. and some times he could be a bit verbally abusive, never would just sit me down and explain, would end up just putting me down, and going on and on. I used to resent him, but ive come to realize he did so much good for me, and did the best he could.
my moms mom was a crazy physically, emotionally, mentally abusive alcoholic, and my mom never knew her father. Fortunately her grandparents lived with her, and her grandfather was good to her. So basically my mom did everything a good stay at home mom would, cooked from scratched, cleaned, she even home schooled us all, and eventually we all entered public school at different grades. But she was emotionally unstable at times, and would create drama with my dad, a lot because shes very needy, and my dad could be distant at times.
So here the thing. What I've noticed my manipulative sister is very successful in life defiantly typical good looking girl who doesn't live in reality, shes always had some one to fall back onto, has a nursing degree, got married , my other sister the more quiet type, is medium successful graduated college with a teaching degree but i think she really would rather find a guy and get married that is what its looking like. my brother had a problem with substance abuse for a while, was a carpenter, marine corps infantry. He drinks still but hes getting a divorce ( he initiated) my attention ***** sister was harassing him almost over it. His reasons are valid though.
me I was in the marine corps, but was discharged after 2 years, failed a drug test. I started school for electrical engineering technology, but ended up failing twice because i wanted to do drugs and drink because i was emotionally unstable. When I put forth 60% effort I would get very good grades, but slowly, a pill here, a pill there, weed, and then down hill i go.
I always had everything I needed, but not spoiled by any means. my dad is very frugal, refused to get cable tv because he said it was a waste of money, and i think this is a good thing.
So ive been relapsing and relapsing. But im starting to really get tired, of being sick and tired. I think I can tend to be a bit of a co-dependent person.
for the last 8 months ive been reading a lot about psychology, and this site. Its painful to really look at yourself in the short term, but in the long run I will get where I want to be
Yeah long wall of text, chase my tail in my mind.
I'm just trying to find out why the fvck I've become the way I am, because if I can find the root of the problem, then I can find the solution?
Any advice is welcome.
I was annoying but not mean. my sister above me would run around chanting friendless, friendless, like a little song. I remember one time she came and was being all nice say hey "name' and I was like, yeah yeah what do you want from me? I was like 8. She would be nice, and then a *****, and nice, and a ***** when we were young.
my dad was always a emotionally distant, hard working, and responsible, a man of principles and values. and some times he could be a bit verbally abusive, never would just sit me down and explain, would end up just putting me down, and going on and on. I used to resent him, but ive come to realize he did so much good for me, and did the best he could.
my moms mom was a crazy physically, emotionally, mentally abusive alcoholic, and my mom never knew her father. Fortunately her grandparents lived with her, and her grandfather was good to her. So basically my mom did everything a good stay at home mom would, cooked from scratched, cleaned, she even home schooled us all, and eventually we all entered public school at different grades. But she was emotionally unstable at times, and would create drama with my dad, a lot because shes very needy, and my dad could be distant at times.
So here the thing. What I've noticed my manipulative sister is very successful in life defiantly typical good looking girl who doesn't live in reality, shes always had some one to fall back onto, has a nursing degree, got married , my other sister the more quiet type, is medium successful graduated college with a teaching degree but i think she really would rather find a guy and get married that is what its looking like. my brother had a problem with substance abuse for a while, was a carpenter, marine corps infantry. He drinks still but hes getting a divorce ( he initiated) my attention ***** sister was harassing him almost over it. His reasons are valid though.
me I was in the marine corps, but was discharged after 2 years, failed a drug test. I started school for electrical engineering technology, but ended up failing twice because i wanted to do drugs and drink because i was emotionally unstable. When I put forth 60% effort I would get very good grades, but slowly, a pill here, a pill there, weed, and then down hill i go.
I always had everything I needed, but not spoiled by any means. my dad is very frugal, refused to get cable tv because he said it was a waste of money, and i think this is a good thing.
So ive been relapsing and relapsing. But im starting to really get tired, of being sick and tired. I think I can tend to be a bit of a co-dependent person.
for the last 8 months ive been reading a lot about psychology, and this site. Its painful to really look at yourself in the short term, but in the long run I will get where I want to be
Yeah long wall of text, chase my tail in my mind.
I'm just trying to find out why the fvck I've become the way I am, because if I can find the root of the problem, then I can find the solution?
Any advice is welcome.