relationship suddenly goes long term... help!!

[titansremember]

Hey guys... long time lurker, first time poster here. I used to follow this site, but I left it for a few years and my results have been skyrocketing. All I can say to the board is thanks, and that this stuff really works if you know how to apply it and not get too carried away. I'd greatly appreciate if someone could have the decency to read this and give me some sound advice.

I'm in college and I've been in a committed relationship for 2 months and things have been going well. We are generally attracted to each other, the sex is great, and we have fun on dates. We would spent time together every day, and basically we're really into each other. But I'm keeping it cool, don't worry. She respects me and knows I have a life, and vice-versa.

So here's the problem. It's winter break (5 weeks off) and we live a few hours away from each other. During the first few weeks of break, we would text each other back and forth each day (Her phone's busted. I know this for a fact). She sends hearts, I keep cool, same deal. It felt good and it wasn't clingy. However, at this point, she's starting to respond less and less, and she's taking hours to respond now. And I won't text her often, either. Just once during the day and I stop texting until she responds. I haven't brought this up with her, but I'm thinking of just cutting off contact until she decides to text me. I know, no brainer right?

I don't know if it sounds like much of a problem, but you could say I'm becoming very frustrated. Is my relationship deteriorating? Do you think she'd have the decency to wait until break's over? How do I get her to stay interested? I'd be happy to expand if need be, and I'm thankful for any advice!

 

[handle]

not sending any until she responds sounds good to me. Just chill man -- it's only been 2 months. Me and my gf were apart from eachother for 4 months the first summer and we'd been dating for 6 months already. Texted her a couple times a week maximum.

 

[topcat2001]

I am in a similar situation though I am not in a committed relationship but otherwise same thing great sex, great chemistry during dates etc but then offline (texting/email etc.) she seems to be getting cold. Luckily I am leaving on a trip this week so I just told her I will let her know when I'm back but I think its good to break off contact for a while especially if you can appear to be busy.
My reasoning is that the texting doesnt keep her interest anymore. This is also a problem when we let her do the initiation because then she can withdraw her affections later, thereby gaining control of the situation.
So overall I think it is better for us to always be the pursuer while keeping our manhood. Then we can withdraw the affection/attention. But in an LTR these roles can sometimes swing back and forth in my experience(she or you may be having work issues/family issues etc) but that is fine as long as you get back on the saddle soon.
I know its easy for folks to say not to worry and keep cool etc. but it can certainly drive you crazy when you are in the situation so I fully empathize.
What you are experience is the dopamine withdrawl. Its a physiological reaction and no amount of mental gymnastics can solve it. If it becomes unbearable you can either 1) pursue her and not worry too much about she thinks. this can work if you really have the right attitude. 2) talk to her set some ground rules (listen - I have some communication expectations etc.) 3) break it off

 

[GameTime76]

Your mind will wander, create imanges. The more you think about it. The more you worry about it. Relax and keep the focus on YOU! Remember, you are the Prize! IF she cheats, she's gone. Enoy your life!

EDIT -High Interest girls wont play games...

P.S. STOP TEXTING. Texting just makes LIL conversations through - out the day & night. Just wait till she calls. Keep the conversation short and wait a few days. (IF shes already not blowing up your phone.) Dont be too available.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Your mind will wander, create imanges. The more you think about it. The more you worry about it. Relax and keep the focus on YOU! Remember, you are the Prize! IF she cheats, she's gone. Enoy your life!

EDIT -High Interest girls wont play games...

:rockon:

 

[Revolutionist]

Just be honest

Dude... The bottom line is that the more you act the more your girl sense that you are insecure!

just bring up the problem that you are having now! Dont act cool too much...

Believe me cuz I used to be like that!! I was kind of following the rules too strict back then... like for example, keep it cool, no needy, basically... think too much!!!

of course you have to still stick with those rules, however there are two things that are most important:
1. follow the flow
2. be honest

For example... when you are in the state of confusing like now.. I believe that your girlfriend kind of sense it... but then when you acted like so cool or whatever like that... she will begin to sense that you are a faker.. Based on my experience... the more you honest with your gf, the more she respected you! if you need her now... just call her and say it!! This is actually much better than hold it for yourself, why?

1. you kind of being truthful for yourself. After you said that, believe me that you have nothing to lose anymore. You have been so truthful with yourself and it does not matter what the result is!!! as David De Angelo said, women has 10 times more sensitive than men. They will RESPECT if you are being truthful on yourself, like for example just saying... "I AM INSECURE RIGHT NOW!".
2. If she is becoming far away from you after you said that... believe me that this kind of girl is a ***** that you dont want to spend the rest of your life with!! relationship is all about respecting one to another!! get ur mind on the track!!! think right!!

As one of the bottom line that I think you should know.. Appreciate what your gf has done for you. If she gives you love emoticon or hug emoticon, once in a while, say that you LIKE what she is doing now!! I learned this from the expert, believe me! Of course, in a relationship, its all about giving and taking. You can't just only be the receiver all the time!

When you have given all what you can think of, that is when you are nothing to lose on all what you are doing!! Listen to what you want... If you are truly COOL, you do not have to think when you act!! COOL is not like not responding when your gf trying to get ur attention. even more, what you are doing can iritate her and backfires!

COOL is something from your inside that can't be faked. The way you move, the way you talk, the way you behave, or even the way you smile! that's just cool!! So think about it and get your mind on the track buddy!! good luck!!

 

[topcat2001]

Totally agree with this. Cool is when you are not faking it. It is not artificially holding back etc but definitely for us AFCs we need to follow some simple rules to build ourselves but we shouldnt over do it. Ultimately if there is something wrong then better to find out and move on, rather than needlessly trying to play it cool and dragging the situation out and prolonging your agony.

Dude... The bottom line is that the more you act the more your girl sense that you are insecure!

just bring up the problem that you are having now! Dont act cool too much...

Believe me cuz I used to be like that!! I was kind of following the rules too strict back then... like for example, keep it cool, no needy, basically... think too much!!!

of course you have to still stick with those rules, however there are two things that are most important:
1. follow the flow
2. be honest

For example... when you are in the state of confusing like now.. I believe that your girlfriend kind of sense it... but then when you acted like so cool or whatever like that... she will begin to sense that you are a faker.. Based on my experience... the more you honest with your gf, the more she respected you! if you need her now... just call her and say it!! This is actually much better than hold it for yourself, why?

1. you kind of being truthful for yourself. After you said that, believe me that you have nothing to lose anymore. You have been so truthful with yourself and it does not matter what the result is!!! as David De Angelo said, women has 10 times more sensitive than men. They will RESPECT if you are being truthful on yourself, like for example just saying... "I AM INSECURE RIGHT NOW!".
2. If she is becoming far away from you after you said that... believe me that this kind of girl is a ***** that you dont want to spend the rest of your life with!! relationship is all about respecting one to another!! get ur mind on the track!!! think right!!

As one of the bottom line that I think you should know.. Appreciate what your gf has done for you. If she gives you love emoticon or hug emoticon, once in a while, say that you LIKE what she is doing now!! I learned this from the expert, believe me! Of course, in a relationship, its all about giving and taking. You can't just only be the receiver all the time!

When you have given all what you can think of, that is when you are nothing to lose on all what you are doing!! Listen to what you want... If you are truly COOL, you do not have to think when you act!! COOL is not like not responding when your gf trying to get ur attention. even more, what you are doing can iritate her and backfires!

COOL is something from your inside that can't be faked. The way you move, the way you talk, the way you behave, or even the way you smile! that's just cool!! So think about it and get your mind on the track buddy!! good luck!!