Relationship problem

[Modro]

Hi guys

Me and my gf are having problems and i want to sort it out, in the long run if i just leave it here it feel it would be a mistake. we broke up in mid Jan for 2 weeks got back together for 3 weeks and broke up again (Next month is our year anniversary), i tried to get her back, by being a bit afc. I think there have been loads of little things annoying her (like me not trying to speak to her family, and being a bit too needy) i havnt spoken to her since Sunday (now Thurs) we are still not togther at this point but she said she needed a break and i agreed.

The truth is i need to be more mature and less needy for it to work, but i said that i wouldnt be with her atm until i can sort this out because it just wont work otherwise and that i said we should be just friends for the moment. Again i dont want to be LJBF and its not at that stage but i was wondering my next move. Should i wait for her to contact me, im feeling a bit weak.

Like i said i want to work through this bad patch, she is a great girl and if anything if it doesnt work out in the end i can learn from my mistakes.

cheers for any help

 

[Blusher]

You'll learn alright dude, just not with this one.

It sounds like you're past the point of no-return. Start dating other girls.

Good luck.

 

[Cremasta]

Been there, done that, bought the shirt...

Make the break permanent, it's not going to work out for you. If the way that you two try to sort out your problems is to simply not be around each other then that's not exactly setting you up for a stable LTR (assuming that's what you want). This mini-break hasn't happened just once, but twice... not good.

When she comes back to you and says 'I want to see you again' you are going to tell her:
"Thanks, but no thankyou, this isn't working for me."
The ABSOLUTELY most important thing here is that you stay calm and don't start getting into a b!tch fight with her, because whether or not she really wants to get back with you, your lack of grovelling is going to really throw her and she will try to get an emotional response from you by dredging up all the bad stuff that made you take a break in the first (and second) place.

If she comes back to you and says "I don't want to be with you anymore", great! You say "ok, no problem, I'll see you around" and again stay with the calm bit.

 

[Modro]

Sorry i can add more details now, she had a really bad time at x-mas with her dad who is an alcoholic starting drinking again. This made her get scared i think.

To be honest i think we just need a recharge. We spent so much time togther that it got to the burned out stage and she mentioned that she spent so much time with me all the time and not with her mum who needed her. She has been hurt in the past so perhaps she got a bit scared things were heading badly.

On sunday she seemed really happy to speak to me but mentioned she just needs some space i also needed it after all the things thats been happening, i think we need to communicate a bit better with our problems and see each other in a more romantic setting rather then just hanging out round each others houses.

Like i said i still think its worth saving and can be saved. Im not going to get into any arguements just stay calm and relaxed with her and see how it goes. She is a very funny caring girl who goes out of her way for me so much i just need to make a bit more effort which to be fair i havnt in all situations.

All couples have break ups and arguments i dont really wanna give up when we hit our first bad patch but at the same time i feel that if its over i can deal with it .

Would having a heart to heart do anything or perhaps just going out and having a laugh again which has been missing for a bit.

thanks for any help

 

[Modro]

and the reason we havnt spoke is that i dont want to in her face about it because she will just have control, not talking for a few days means she has a time to miss me and wonder why i havnt called her yet and if she caves about it all i can have things on my terms and sort out the problems which have started to occur and i believe are fixable.

So now should i wait for her to call me or should i just send her a text later on and get her thinking about me.

 

[Modro]

Bump, comeone guys if i want to get a chance to fix things whats the best route?

 

[woods]

If you really want her back, GIVE IT TIME. Not a few days, give it at least a month. During that month, you need to figure out everything you did wrong, and fix it. You also need to figure out everything she did wrong, and ask yourself honestly if you can live with that. Dont, I repeat DONT, try to be friends right now. And like someone else said, if you do run into her, or she calls, PLAY IT COOL. Talk to her like she's one of the guys. Dont ever, play the blame game, or fight, or grovel. I dont care how miserable you are, DONT LET HER KNOW. This is very, very, very important. Work on yourself. Dont treat her like a GF right now, cuz she's not. As hard as it is, you need space. You play it cool, and she will come back, if thats what you really want. If you act negative in ANY way, she;s gone forever

 

[Modro]

good reply dude, i was worried a bit bout being too distant after that period of time, its just i keep going from 1 minutes being fine, to getting the urge to go see her. I can live with the problems she has as i understand the cause and she is working on them, me on the other hand needs to stop acting like a kid at times and to make more effort with speaking to her family like she does with mine. and overall we need to not see each other as much and when we do mke it really good fun and more romantic. rather then boring watching tv or films all the time.

 

[woods]

The more distance you take, the more she will miss you. If you cave in too soon, she will take you for granted, and know she can pull this with you.
I consider myself somewhat of an expert in this field. For the last few years, I kept getting myself in make-up-break-up sits. When she broke up with me, I would play it cool, and she kept coming back, but I had a tendency to cave to quickly, and the sh*t would start back up again soon. BUT, when I broke up with her, I had her begging for a month, before giving her another chance. It made her realize what she was really losing with me. I finally had to let her go for good though, but to this day, I have a FB for life, cuz I play it cool.