relationship problem - lack of sex

[returningchamp]

about 4.5 years ago i came across this site; and it was the greatest help to my life ever! i printed out the whole dj bible, i printed out anything i could find on newsgroups... i studied it, practiced it at work, and then took it to the streets. i had been with 2 women before all of that... and within 10 months, i was "talking to" 6 women who were all aware of each other... and my sexual partners number had risen to double digits... and msot of all - i no longer looked at my feet when i talked to people and i carried myself like i respected myself. so i owe a lot to this site...

however, i'm now in a relationship. been in it for 3 years. i guess you could say i'm in love. i've calmed down. we live together, marriage is close.

for the first 2 years - it was sex all the time. she had always told me what a freak she was and how she wanted it all the time when we were just friends. that turned out to be true. and doing it 2 times a day all week long was the norm... and 3-4 times on the weekends.

but the last year or so - it's getting stupid. last month we had sex 13 times for the month (i put a lot of effort into it). the month before that - about 4 times... somewhere back there there's a month we didn't have sex at all in.

this month - we had sex on her birthday and that's it (after i gave her a 2 hour massage)...

and it goes beyond that...

- she doesn't want to kiss me much anymore... and i believe it's because she thinks it's going to lead to sex - which is probably true.

- all she ever wants to do is cuddle anymore... i never minded the cuddling...

- we have wild crazy sex now. some people might think it's because she's bored with the sex. but i've thought about that - and if that's the truth - then the reality is that's she's bored with me. we do very kinky stuff now, and the talk is dirty... and that's how she likes it... the first couple of years when we were doing it on a regular bases - it was very normal pg-13 movie like sex.

- she suggested that we write an erotic story together while at work. i send her a few paragrpahs and she sends me a few. well... this is all well and good... but i send her 4-5-6 paragraphs... she waits... i dunnoo... 2 weeks to respond... and then gives me a paragraph or two... then i respond back the same day... and haven't gottena response since... and she's never busy at work and i am...

i dunno... maybe i'm overreacting...

the people on here used to be my guides and whatnot. i respect the opinions of this board. i believe some of you may have experienced this - i work with nothing but women - so i get their perspective... but i know how flawed it is... is there hope?


oh - she's 22 and i am 25.

 

[Rastaman]

Someone here said, "If you aren't fvcking her, you're her girlfriend". Let her be history, looks like you will have to put the energy of getting five HB10s to get a voluntary kiss from this girl! Want my advice? Go for the five HB10s...

 

[Phyzzle]

A bunch of people are about to flood you with "shes-fvcking-somebody-else." That's probably not the case yet, but yeah, it's falling interest all right. In marriages, women loose the sexual spark for the husband before she starts responding to other men. Right now, she's probably terrified that you're going to cheat on her or dump her, because she can't force herself to be into you.

Something that I've had to work on in my LTR's is not initiating touching. That's only for 1st meetings, or the 1st few dates. Ever lean in to kiss her hello or goodbye? In an LTR, don't do it. She should be leaning in, putting her arm around you, holding hands, initiating all that. Try backing off on the affection, and the time you spend together.

But really, you should know better to fall in love with a woman below 24. You were friends before dating? Doing some DJ math, you've known this chick since she was in High School. I find the whole idea of a lifelong relaitonship with a member of your High School social circle to be a bit quaint.

 

[Mayfly]

Yo man...something I have noticed...

When the sex changed in the relationship, the relationship does as well. Unfortunately for me the last time it ended the relationship. The sex went basically non-existent, and I just waited for the relationship to end. It's like knowing you are going to get punched. You just gotta brace yourself for it.

 

[kyphan]

No, you're not overreacting. If she doesn't put her arms around you and kiss you anymore without you initiating it then it's probably time to end it. That's such a telltale sign. Stop cuddling with her so much; cuddling should be for movies on the couch and after sex.

Good luck.

 

[Last Man Standing]

OK kid - freaks are not marriage material - get that out of your head!!

No hugging or kissing, no sex except when she wants to?? HUH??? She is sexing other dudes!!

She controls you - you are the woman and she is the man!!!

If a hor is sexing you then stops - this tells me she is sexing other dudes!!!

She is a freaky nymph - they like newness - new adventures new beginnings new risks -- she is definitely sexing other dudes!!!!

When you find out she is sexing other dudes - make her leave the house immediately - she is probably freaking them in your house!! Freaks like to take risks!!

Did I tell you that she was sexing other dudes?

Change your name to returning chump because that is what you have become!!

 

[returningchamp]

respect for the replies... strangely enough the women told me this was normal and it happens in most relationships, which makes me wonder why we have relationships... but i figured yall would be on it... and i'm listening... the only thing is that we live together under a lease we both signed... at this point... it's very hard to break this off... anybody got any advice on breaking a lease?

uhmmm last man standing... you can be a freak without having a lot of sex... she's been with me and another guy (for 6 years)... and that's it... when i say she's a freak - i don't mean the type that bangs 10 guys in a hotel room... i just mean she likes sex... but there is some truth to what you said about her controling me... it's not about her controling my life though... we're pretty independent of each other as far as decision making... except for this... which is admittingly painfully important...

more things:

- i was told that she might be cheating on me about 4 months ago by a friend. so i got a keystroke recorder, i got all her passwords... i read her im conversations... i look in her outgoing and incoming calls list on the cell... and not once during all this time have i found one thing... so i feel like a **** for even listening to someone saying she's cheating...

- we didn't go to school togeather. we didn't live in the same state. i meant her when she had just graduated school and was still dating other dude.

- being her friend for a while before we started dating - i can say that i trust that she is not cheating. yes that is the easy and obvious guy answer.... part of the reason i stopped playing around and got serious was because for once i knew there was a girl who i could 100% trust. on top of that she works, goes to school and we run a side deisgn business together. i'm with her most of her free time.

- she personally blames it on the fact that she quit taking birth control about a year ago.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

respect for the replies... strangely enough the women told me this was normal and it happens in most relationships, which makes me wonder why we have relationships... but i figured yall would be on it... and i'm listening... the only thing is that we live together under a lease we both signed... at this point... it's very hard to break this off... anybody got any advice on breaking a lease?...

So do you want to try to fix this or would you rather break it off if you can get out of your lease?

 

[returningchamp]

So do you want to try to fix this or would you rather break it off if you can get out of your lease?

i'd like to establish if there is acutally something to fix first. which everyone on here seems to be in agreement is the case.

i'd rather attempt to fix this before trying other outlets.... but i'm not against other outlets... this is sex we're talking about... and as much as people can say love is this or that... it's not a replacement for sex... i can't deal with the sex here and there... but if i could get it back to how it was... it's defitnely worth trying to glue back together...

 

[Last Man Standing]

... she personally blames it on the fact that she quit taking birth control about a year ago.

Come on Bro - do you believe this shyt!!!!!! She is hiding something!!!!!!!!!!!

This is such a whack answer that something has to be wrong -- doesn't that answer raise eyebrows!!!!! Where is the raised eyebrow emoticon when you need one!!

"I'm not on the pill so now I don't want to kiss you. or be affectionate with you, and it takes me two weeks to write a paragraph to respond to your e-mai because I'm not on the pill," "give me a 2 hour massage" and "cuddle me but don't sex me! because Im not on the pill"

Do you see how silly that sounds? So not taking the pill glued her legs together I suppose!! She can't satisfy you by merely opening her legs!!!! Or is that not taking the pill's fault????


Riddle me this - how about if you stopped sexing her - do you think that SHE would think something is wrong?? That you are cheating??? YES YES YES YES!!!! Would she be with you by your side No NO NO NO NO - her ass would be out the door - because she's got to have it!!!!!!!!! Guaranteed!!!
Fictional scene --- part 1 scene 1:Here you are walking around the house with your penis hard but you tell her " I don't want to have sex just cuddle me and give me a two hour massage!" and you do this for a few months!!

How do you think she would respond?????

Quit being her fool!!!! Investigate further!!

Here her pvssy is still getting wet but you can't put your penis in there anymore??? HUH??? It doesn't make sense!!! Something is wrong -- something is wrong -- something is wrong!!!!...

There is an underlying issue here that is not being addressed - that is for sure!!!!!

She is a freak by the way!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

i'd like to establish if there is acutally something to fix first. which everyone on here seems to be in agreement is the case.

i'd rather attempt to fix this before trying other outlets.... but i'm not against other outlets... this is sex we're talking about... and as much as people can say love is this or that... it's not a replacement for sex... i can't deal with the sex here and there... but if i could get it back to how it was... it's defitnely worth trying to glue back together...

Alright, here's a question for you. What do you do in your relationship to foster intimacy which doesn't involve sex?