Relationship Losing Steam...End it or Revive it?

[WORKEROUTER]

In my last post, I had talked about an issue I had with my gf. After thinking about all of that and noticing her a little more this week, I feel that our relationship has definately lost a lot of heat since the beginning a couple months ago. She doesn't seem as into me as she used to be, and that's been turning me off a bit.

I don't know if we're entering a "comfort" zone here or just the downward slope eventually culminating in a breakup.

She's a cool girl in a lot of ways, but there are a lot of things we differ in, like nearly all of our interests. In other words, she's a great girl, but definately not my ideal girl.

My question is whether this would be the point in which I should consider breaking up with her, ending it before it dwindles to her breaking up with me. OR, I'm wondering if this is a good opportunity for me to revive the relationship in some way.

I'm seeing and meeting other girls all the time, so it's not lik all of myself is invested in her. But at the same time, I have invested a lot into her and would hate to lose her, even if I do have other girls I can date. It's kinda like I feel like I'm taking a loss.

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, if you're dating other girls it wouldn't indicate that you are or really ever were committed to making this relationship work. It could be that she senses that lack of commitment and is pulling away because of it. I don't know this girl so I can really only base my opinion on what I know about myself. If I can sense that a guy I get involved with isn't putting forth the same level of effort I am or doesn't seem to really be "with" me when he's supposedly with me...I'll start distancing myself. I'm not saying this is what is going on in your situation, but if the girl is smart and has decent intuition and instincts she probably knows you're just not giving it what she expects you to in order to put more effort into a relationship with you.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Well, if you're dating other girls it wouldn't indicate that you are or really ever were committed to making this relationship work. It could be that she senses that lack of commitment and is pulling away because of it. I don't know this girl so I can really only base my opinion on what I know about myself. If I can sense that a guy I get involved with isn't putting forth the same level of effort I am or doesn't seem to really be "with" me when he's supposedly with me...I'll start distancing myself. I'm not saying this is what is going on in your situation, but if the girl is smart and has decent intuition and instincts she probably knows you're just not giving it what she expects you to in order to put more effort into a relationship with you.

Wyldfire, I'm dating other girls precisely because I don't think that this relationship is going to extend into a true long-term relationship. First of all, we're both young. She's 21, and I'm 19, both in college, and we're not perfect for each other.

It's because of this that I always need to have a backup plan. I don't want to be left in the cold if and when we do break up.

 

[Wyldfire]

A friendly bit of advice...learning to be comfortable being unattached is something everyone really should do. If you don't learn to do that then you are going to develop the bad habit of both getting involved in and staying in relationships with bad women. I see both men and women...especially the young ones...do this all the time.

Yes, it is also very important not to become so utterly dependent on someone that you fall apart and torture yourself if it doesn't work out...but jumping from one person to another and avoiding making a real commitment to someone else is not the right way to do that.

Everytime you try to have a serious relationship and continue to date other women you are setting that relationship up to fail because you aren't committing to it.

If you want to date a variety of women then by all means, do that...but you will never have a successful serious relationship with anyone if you keep dating other women.

Now didn't you post a couple of days ago about your girlfriend going out with friends and you being bothered by the fact that one of those friends being a man you suspected was trying to steal her from you? You also said you got jealous and basically told her you don't want her hanging out with him, correct? What right do you have to expect her to not hang out with this guy or even date him if she is so inclined if you are doing the very thing you don't want her to do?

You need to let the girlfriend go. It's unfair for you to tie her down to you if you aren't going to hold yourselfl to the same standards you hold her to. You can't have it both ways.

 

[pressure0354]

hurr

Heres the deal:


ya know ive been in a relationship with my girl for almost a year. the beginning was exciting and fresh and i had a blast. that lasted for awhile, now its total comfort zone. what you have to understand is in any relationship (not just yours with this girl), things change and evolve. its not always going to be hot and spicy, if you wanted that then be single and just date around. you need to step back, look at her, and figure out if you really like this girl or not. from what im getting it seems like you are not into her, but just realize that you may be kicking yourself for breakin up with her later on. On the age thing, ive seen it work both ways. Being 21 while your partner isnt can be stressful (if your in the US and shes going to bars and whateva with people), but it could not be a problem at all.

if you want to spice it up, suprise her with something like a gift. have sex with her unexpectedly. start doing things that you did while first getting to know her.

 

[Swagger]

you are in exactly the same position i was in about a year ago. i just messed everything up with my gf and lost her over beeing lazy and realizing what's happening too late.

you should check my threat out because 1. you can read through the advice I've gotten
2. you see how it's going to end.

you should ask yourself if you love her, or if you only feel comfortable cause you been together.

if you do love her, you should take a few days and thoroughly think about ANYTHING that led to the change of heat in your relationship.
this is exactly the comfort zone you're talking about. you probably started taking everything for granted.

do you still take her out? do fun stuff? surprise her? tease her? neg her? compliment her? appreciate her?

probably not or not as much. if you want to keep her, start acting like you just started dating her and try to win her over just like you did once you picked her up.

don't give her too much. don't drive her away. don't expect too much, don't let her get away with everything she wants. play push and pull. it's always the same mistake once you think that you got her for good.

i lost on this one,. it really hurts. so make your mind up and react upon it. or just let her go now.

good luck

 

[everywomanshero]

Here is what I have seen happen. After say 3 months or so girls will throw a major test at you.

Let's say she said she might come over Monday night. Then she goes out with friends instead. Tuesday shes tired as **** and has "OMG homework is behind" anxiety. She will try to come over and be all crabby on you or worse do her homework at your place. Don't let her come over in this situation.

If you allow her to pull this test on you, then a negative anchor is being tied to you. Her friends are being associated with care free fun/positive state and you're associated with homework and tiredness and negative state

You cannot allow this. You have to tell her, "I want to see you but I want to see you when you're feeling well and don't have mountains of homework worrying you". Don't let her make you the last priority in her life. Her words are meaningless, and only her actions can be used to judge her feelings towards you.

That's what Ive seen happen to my friends. Unless you are willing to to take some risk to tell her this she will associate you with negativity and eventually start avoiding you. It's better to go a night without seeing her than to allow yourself to be associated with negativity. I will also tell a girl if I didn't have a good time. I will not allow it to just go unsaid, I will sneak it in somehow "I'm sorry tonight didn't go very well, I really wished we could've XYZ. That would've been a lot of fun". You can say this when cuddling just before bed, if she shyt tests you again instead of trying to make her better, then you might as well put her in the FB group and stop treating her like a potentional gf.

Think a bout it, a real man isn't afraid to let her know when she's acting like a depressive lil snot. Unless he is havign a great time with her, the he'd rather go find someone else and make magic with her.

 

[insanity]

yep, from the beginning of a relationship, to the fallout, take it a day at a time.
alot of times when a relationship is tanking, most people blame themselves. but it takes 2 to tango. one of the most key moments in relationships that people fail to mention is who they really are and what they really like.

i've met awesome girls who told me they hated rap, only months later they started blaring it in the apartment. i've had girls tell me they like sports and a year later when i get tickets to the game, they seemed more interested how big the rink was. you get the picture.......they said those things because i liked those things. it was fake from the beginning. thats why when i ended the relationships i didn't feel bad. they weren't who i thought they were. they didn't change, they always liked that stuff.

when people say opposites attract thats bs. it's only a matter of time before that wears off.

you hang with friends because they have simular interests and there genuine.
the same goes within a relationship, if you like the same things, then you do the same things= fun.

relationships don't really evolve, nobody really changes. people will say anything to get what they want for the moment!