Relationship Advice Needed

[tmac15]

Alright fellas this has nothing to do with picking up chicks its a relationship question.

I've been dating this woman for 10 months give or take and I really like her. I'm 28 years old and I'm at the part in my life where I would like to find someone special and settle down. I've been seeing this woman that is 29 years old . She has a lot of qualities that I like in a woman. She's smart, strong as well as cute.

From what I know from mutual friends and what's she's told me she has had 2 long term boyfriends prior to me. Her first boyfriend from highschool was her first love and was also her most recent boyfriend. They got back together for a year or so again after breaking up in her early 20's. It was one of those relationships from what I gather was off and on. She has told me that both of her past relationships she was the one to break up with them.

We spend literally the entire weekend together every weekend for the past 10 months or so, and if we don't see each other on weekdays we talk prior to bedime. She has told me she has moved faster and further with me in the amount of time we ve been together than either of her prior relationships. She has also told she used to be a negative person and she has removed the negative people from her life.

When I'm with her I'm very happy. When we aren't together thoughts of her and her ex boyfriends enter my mind. The thoughts resonate with me literally all day at work and at night when were not together.. I've also found myself picking fights and bringing up stuff from the past that have nothing to do with today.

How do I remove these negative thoughts from my head? It's exhausting fighting these thoughts daily. Others that have been in long term relationships or prior marriages that have not worked out please provide insight.

Whether it works out with this woman or not, I need to free myself of this type of thinking.

 

[sodbuster]

by age 28 and 29, you've both been around the block.you really need to accept the fact that she has a past-just like you do. I mean, she isn't the first woman you've dated. You can only go on current behavior[unless she was a crack *****]. I would expect her to cut contact with the ex's and you should do the same. IF she can't/won't,she may still have the fantasy of him. You cant build a relationship with 3.

Do a search on release technique,it may help

 

[Deniska]

Sounds to me that you have insequritues deep down with in your self.

Your number one proirity is to figure out what they are and put all your efforts and energy in to solving them.

IF, she does go back to him or breaks it of with you at some point, then its a good indication that she is simply unstable and not ready for anything serious or long tirm. Her loss, not yours. In the mean time, just have fun and make every day the best day of your life no matter what happens in the end.

And avoid the fights and arguments about the past, it only makes you look weak and insecure. If you continue such behavior, she will dump you. The past is the past, so leave it alone.

In the mean time, get your self NET Remedies 9 ER 911 drops to keep you calm when your mind goes bonkers.

 

[jophil28]

What do the thoughts about her Ex B/fs mean to you ? What is their significance ?
Seems to me that you either fear that one of these guys might re-appear and interfere in your relationship with her OR you have some deep seated concerns about her morals. Perhaps you are having difficulties accepting that she does have a sexual past?
Let me comment. A woman who has been in only TWO LTRs by age 29 is practically still a virgin.
All woman have a past, but what matters is what is in their past which indicates instability, sexual immorality ( cheating or infidelity) endless breakups and makeups, STDs, mental illness ( see BPD thread) , illegal behavior ,unethical behavior and so on.

 

[Colossus]

Sounds to me like insecurity.

Listen, like sodbuster said, there is nothing new under the sun once you've hit your late twenties. In other words, everyone has been with someone. You aren't her first and she isn't yours----who cares?? You will NEVER find some pristine virgin who has never touched another d1ck but yours. Accept it, and your life will be so much easier.

I used to have thoughts like this, but I grew out of it. Part of maturing, I guess. There are things in life worth giving a fvck about, and this is not one of them.

The only real reason you should be concerned is if she is actively still talking to her exes.