Relationship Advice from real men

[Real_Deal]

I would appreciate some feedback on my current relationship. Two years ago I was living in my parents basement at 23 years old. My girlfriend of a few months was having domestic violence issues with her parents. I asked her to come move in with me to get away from that, I'm guessing that counts as a massive AFC move.

Two years later I have a good job a nice house and I'm working on improving myself because it's what I want. The girlfriend is still living with me and her family is pestering me at every holiday about why I havn't proposed. Not that I care what they think anyway.

She's a great woman who never causes any fights or makes stupid demands. The problem is that I'm just not feeling a connection thats worth trying marriage. The other problem is that she is adamant about not wanting kids which I disagree with.

I'm thinking I need to be a man and just tell her it's over sooner rather than later. What do you guys think about my situation?

 

[Mr.Positive]

She's a great woman who never causes any fights or makes stupid demands. The problem is that I'm just not feeling a connection thats worth trying marriage. The other problem is that she is adamant about not wanting kids which I disagree with.

I'm thinking I need to be a man and just tell her it's over sooner rather than later. What do you guys think about my situation?

I don't think her family is the issue, the issue is that she doesn't want kids and you may at some point, and you don't want to marry her.

What makes it tough is that she is living with you. It sounds like you've either gotten complacent and confortable with her, or you may be worried that she would have to move back with her family, into an abusive home.

However...after 2 years, if you don't feel that "connection" with her to get married, you never will.

I agree, ending it sooner would benefit both you and her. Be a man and do that with class though..she deserves respect here too.

 

[Latinoman]

You are only 25 and she is only 23. It might be a little to early for marriage. Especially under today's standards.

Another thing...I find it bizarre that the same parents that caused your girlfriend to moved out due to "domestic violence" are now pestering you with the marriage issue. I would have honestly told them that you don't appreciate anyone putting pressure on you and the marriage issue. If she does not like it...then she can leave too. Problem solve.

 

[Real_Deal]

I don't think her family is the issue, the issue is that she doesn't want kids and you may at some point, and you don't want to marry her.

What makes it tough is that she is living with you. It sounds like you've either gotten complacent and confortable with her, or you may be worried that she would have to move back with her family, into an abusive home.

However...after 2 years, if you don't feel that "connection" with her to get married, you never will.

I agree, ending it sooner would benefit both you and her. Be a man and do that with class though..she deserves respect here too.

Thats the other hurtle, I have no idea how to handle a breakup when your living with someone. Financially it's not an issue since everything is in my name and I pay all the bills. I'm not sure how to minimize the pain and problems of making her move out. If there is any way to do that.

 

[logic1]

I'm thinking I need to be a man and just tell her it's over sooner rather than later.

You answered your own question. What are you waiting on?

 

[Real_Deal]

Another thing...I find it bizarre that the same parents that caused your girlfriend to moved out due to "domestic violence" are now pestering you with the marriage issue. I would have honestly told them that you don't appreciate anyone putting pressure on you and the marriage issue. If she does not like it...then she can leave too. Problem solve.

Yeah I say pretty much what your suggesting. It's her mom that causes all the violence and does all this talk about marriage though. Her dad is something beyond an AFC and won't say a word. The amusing thing is that until I bought a house her mom was trying to get her to leave me. That lasted until the day I closed on the house then she wanted to know when the wedding was.

I have never done much more than laugh at her mom and tell her worry about her own problems.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Yeah I say pretty much what your suggesting. It's her mom that causes all the violence and does all this talk about marriage though. Her dad is something beyond an AFC and won't say a word. The amusing thing is that until I bought a house her mom was trying to get her to leave me. That lasted until the day I closed on the house then she wanted to know when the wedding was.

I have never done much more than laugh at her mom and tell her worry about her own problems.

Man, your situation sounds a lot like what I went through when I was 23. The only difference was I didn't live with the girl. I was with a gal for almost 3 years, she wanted to get married, I didn't. Her mom was pressuring her to get me to marry, her dad was a scared AFC who hid from her mom. I was an AFC too, getting pushed around by her.

I realized that this gal was going to turn into her mom, a short haired 300lb feminist who barked instead of speaking...so I bailed on the girlfriend.

Here's what you don't want to do (what I did).

I told her I needed some "space". I then took off travelling to clear my head.

Fast forward 6 months later....I'm completely over her and enjoying my freedom, when I get a phone call from her about our status.

She had been waiting the whole 6 months for my decision.

Apparently, our interpretation of "needing space" was different. I felt like the biggest @sshole in the world.

So, point is, if I were you, I'd tackle this head on with her. Discuss your differences, hopefully she will understand and you can remain on good terms until she moves out.

Good luck!

 

[ZenGodMod]

Mothers! Should be seen and not heard of! Lol.

Your girlfriend is to submissive and introverted.

Unless you don't want live in a peaceful none confronting marriage, drop her!

 

[Jitterbug]

Ever heard of the saying: if you want to know what your woman will be like, look at her mother? Also, what her mother does to her father will likely be what will come to you. There are exceptions of course, but have a think about it.

The other problem is that she is adamant about not wanting kids which I disagree with.

No surprise for someone who comes from a broken family with no father figure (only a wimp in that place) and a violent mother.

 

[Mr. Wise]

If you even have the slightest thoughts of not continuing this relationship, marriage shouldn't be an issue whatsoever. Forget about "not wanting kids" or "broken family", etc. - you don't really love her. To consider marriage, there has to be NO DOUBTS.

 

[thedeparted]

Did you miss the thread about marriage = financial ruin? Why do you need to marry her? She can live with you as long as she behaves. When she doesn't, toss her out. Do you think that stupid ring will make her into a loyal woman forever? All it will do is make a financial incentive for her to behave badly and leave.