Rejections started feeling personal again

[crowolf]

It's very strange to admit this, having talked to maybe 500 girls through cold approach during the last 2 years...

But recently it hasn't been working for me and I started taking rejection personal, feeling worthless, and comparing myself to other guys who have it well just by winning the gene pool or being raised as an extroverted smiley character with many connections and opportunities in life.

I know this is stupid but I can't seem to find the right solution or mindset to effectively meet women on the street (again) and actually enjoy it (rather than spam-approaching with the same line and not putting that much enthusiasm in doing it).

Recently I had one good set, and then I got 3 harsh rejections. But then doing the math, this year I have around 40 approaches, a few flakey leads and 0 dates from it. This is so bad, especially for someone who knows what he is doing.

And now, these days I let so many opportunities go by, while my inner voice says: "f*ck it, not worth the effort". I automatically think it's going to be a negative interaction, a rejection, and that I will probably disturb the woman by trying to pick her up in a somewhat uncalibrated way.

I think it all comes down to low self-esteem. And I don't know how to work on that. It's as if deep down I don't believe I deserve to be with these women. And there are not many actual reasons about this. Except that lately I've been rejected again and again, and I started to think that my worth is low because of it.

Has anyone gone through that, and do you have any ideas or solutions?

 

[ValiantMale]

I was a coach for more than half a decade and yet sometimes a rejection will hit me still, if I haven't been in the field a while but it fades very very quickly.. Though the rejection isn't ever blatant.. It's more like they show a lot of signs of interest but it's met with either they have a boyfirend or don't want to share their number or socials/with a stranger. Its kind of like trying to make a high ticket sale and all the signs are that the customer/client is buying today-- just to find out they are not serious.

As far as people I've coached, more than half of men feel like that, despite how they look or their height or financial status. Like you said, it probably has alot to do with your low self esteem.

 

[ValiantMale]

Approach anxiety or feeling unworthy to be with these women really boils down t o sexual confidence. At the end of the day, we're not approaching these women to have a tennis partner. FIgure out ways you can build your sexual confidence, then learn to just be a good conversationalist. If you come off as eager for sex or sexually motivated, the interaction may not go far unless the girl is a bop/hoe.

As funny as it sounds, practice talking to girls who you wouldn't mind getting rejected by as you have no attraction to them (ie: fat girls, girls that are not your type)-- and just focus on the conversation itself. You can also learn cues this way and help you better turn up the heat of the conversation and escalate.

 

[plumber]

what else do you have going on. gym, or other things your advancing with ?? i mean what is your current goal/focus most days ?

 

[Barrister]

OP,

The fact you’ve done that many approaches signifies you care way too much about getting pvssy IMO. To be clear, kudos to you for being involved in cold approach in the first place. Definitely the way you meet the youngest and hottest women. But the sheer effort to approach that many women in that period of time means women are your focus.

Put that mental energy into bettering yourself. Women become a byproduct to a highly successful man. If you build it they will cvm.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Hey Cro, bro, take it easy on yourself and be kind to yourself. Know that there’s plenty of girls world wide not just America who will date you. What you need to do is exercise your fun muscles and hang out with fun groups of people who will show you a good time. When’s the last road trip you took to the beach or a resort or something? Go out there and just enjoy your life and the girls will follow.

 

[crowolf]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

What I wrote probably sounded really gray and pitiful but I just needed to get it out I guess. Now I am feeling better. Except, the low self-esteem part is still somewhere there. Part of me feeling better is because of external validation. I wonder if it's possible to not need to feed on that at all.

I think I am "back in the game" - or at least to my old way of approaching, which brought me success at the first place. It came down to going in with the right mindsets (props to Nick Krauser's book for that), energy and intent.

Did 2 approaches yesterday. First one was a blow out perhaps because my voice was a bit too deep during the opening, and maybe she was not in the mood for this. Second one was way better. Saw one ~35 years old very attractive lady and went up to tell her she is sexy. Turns out she is happily engaged but the approach made her day and she really respected it. It was a great short interaction for both of us. And I felt amazing for following my instincts, being honest & direct, and taking action...

Now I think I just have to do more reps, as doing 5-10 for 2 weeks and then taking a 2 week pause is certainly not the way to go.

Regarding your feedback that I am too focused on women - you may be right. But the thing is, I am stubborn about my goals. And one of them currently is to go through a successful dating lifestyle, which I haven't yet had the opportunity to experience fully. I am, of course, also improving other fields of my life. And besides that I have a big purpose in front of me. Which has to take all my focus and dedication if I decide to step again on that path. But the thing is, I want to go through this hedonism first, and then get serious with everything else. Unfortunately, for now, Life doesn't really seem to align with my plan, but let's see how would that go.

 

[Gamisch]

You put WAAAAY too much stock in how women view you. And look; ALL of us, everyone on sosauve can relate as we are all " women addicts ". But life has HER funny ways of humbling a man...

Life is humbling you. You're doing way too much approaching. Get a fecking hobby (or two). Work on shyte from the INSIDE instead of from the superficial outside.

Ofcourse my advice will be frowned upon but I suggest you take a ( voluntary) break from dating / women/ sexand focus on other things. It wouldn't make a difference as you're unsuccessful anyway...zero left or zero right is still zero...0x0=0

To end with a positive note: at least you practiced closing the gap. That will always come in handy somewhere....BUT NOT TODAY

 

[plumber]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

What I wrote probably sounded really gray and pitiful but I just needed to get it out I guess. Now I am feeling better. Except, the low self-esteem part is still somewhere there. Part of me feeling better is because of external validation. I wonder if it's possible to not need to feed on that at all.

I think I am "back in the game" - or at least to my old way of approaching, which brought me success at the first place. It came down to going in with the right mindsets (props to Nick Krauser's book for that), energy and intent.

Did 2 approaches yesterday. First one was a blow out perhaps because my voice was a bit too deep during the opening, and maybe she was not in the mood for this. Second one was way better. Saw one ~35 years old very attractive lady and went up to tell her she is sexy. Turns out she is happily engaged but the approach made her day and she really respected it. It was a great short interaction for both of us. And I felt amazing for following my instincts, being honest & direct, and taking action...

Now I think I just have to do more reps, as doing 5-10 for 2 weeks and then taking a 2 week pause is certainly not the way to go.

Regarding your feedback that I am too focused on women - you may be right. But the thing is, I am stubborn about my goals. And one of them currently is to go through a successful dating lifestyle, which I haven't yet had the opportunity to experience fully. I am, of course, also improving other fields of my life. And besides that I have a big purpose in front of me. Which has to take all my focus and dedication if I decide to step again on that path. But the thing is, I want to go through this hedonism first, and then get serious with everything else. Unfortunately, for now, Life doesn't really seem to align with my plan, but let's see how would that go.

so do you want help just on how to approach and close with women ? or do you also want help with how to feel better about yourself ?

the two things are mixed together. as you work on one of them the other will automatically improve. either direction. more women makes you feel better. feeling better will attract more women.

direct approach when you feel bad or insecure is bold. but if you can do it, then do it.

can you tell more about yourself and any other goals.

when you approach a woman, what do you think she see and thinks about you ?

 

[SW15]

having talked to maybe 500 girls through cold approach during the last 2 years...

That's a lot of in-person approaches in a 2 year period.

recently it hasn't been working for me and I started taking rejection personal, feeling worthless, and comparing myself to other guys who have it well just by winning the gene pool or being raised as an extroverted smiley character with many connections and opportunities in life.

Approaching in-person is often a low percentage play.

Rejection feels personal a lot of the time. Earlier this year, there was a long thread about whether or not rejections are personal. I tend to think that rejections are at least somewhat personal.

There are times in approaching where you'll do everything right, have good game, and still make no progress.

The majority of women between ages 18-49 aren't seeking new penis at the moment they are approached in a non-bar setting. Bars are a little bit more targeted of an environment but even bar approaching is low percentage.

The idea that rejection is nothing personal

I've seen the idea bounced around on the internet that it's nothing personal when a woman rejects a guy. That's the biggest bull$hit ever. Are there some instances where a woman's rejection of a guy is nothing personal? Absolutely. There are many instances, however, where the rejection is...

www.sosuave.net

Recently I had one good set, and then I got 3 harsh rejections. But then doing the math, this year I have around 40 approaches, a few flakey leads and 0 dates from it. This is so bad, especially for someone who knows what he is doing.

That's not an uncommon outcome from approaching strangers in person.