Rejection

[head_wall]

Hi maybe someone here can give me a boost. I just cannot STAND getting rejected. And I don't mean in the hostile spill drink n lap kind of way. But approaching a girl, introducing myself and having her just not wanting to talk to me. I'll go to a party introduce myself to maybe one or two girls, both of whom will show no interest, and that's it for the night, I can't approach again after that, I feel just HORRIBLE after that. And 99 times out of 100, those 1st one or two girls will not talk to me.

I've read the DJ bible over, and I love it, it really is packed with gold, and I especially liked the "rejection collection" post, in which you give yourself points after a rejection that you add up, the more rejections, the closer you are to getting some.

But none of this makes rejection any easier. I've been trying to get this area of my life handled for YEARS now and have made absolutely no progress. Any ideas on how I might get over this? Has anyone had this problem and gotten over it somehow?? Thank you.

 

[Skating Penguin]

I suggest reading some things by the Dalai-Lama who had the same problem and he explains how he got over it.

Also, you should read a few books on Zen buddhism and put some thoughts into it. It'll help you--I guarantee it.

 

[GL01]

I have! Well acctually, I still partly have it. I don't like going up to girls and talking to them, but then again i dont like falling down when I learn to skimboard, it just happens. And you should seriously think about joining a gym or start working out in some way, it boosts confidence a ton (if you havn't already). Also, just do things you are afraid to do, if you do them enough you will begin to get good at it and succeed. It takes time, but every fear can be overcome with dedication.

 

[christz]

i honestly think rejections are funny, approched two chicks at at a hot bar, people everywhere saw them both sittin down by themselvs thought hey limme go up.

i used a cheap come on line yeah.. i admit "you ladies hang around here often?" week sauce i know but and belive me they pointed it out laughing saying what kinda come on line is that.

i was like, come on line? you made it seem like i came over here to do something other than say hi, and walked away.

 

[head_wall]

Originally posted by Skating Penguin
I suggest reading some things by the Dalai-Lama who had the same problem and he explains how he got over it.

Also, you should read a few books on Zen buddhism and put some thoughts into it. It'll help you--I guarantee it.

Cool! I'll try this. Can you shed any light on what aspects of it? How does it help? Thanks!

 

[head_wall]

Originally posted by GL01
I have! Well acctually, I still partly have it. I don't like going up to girls and talking to them, but then again i dont like falling down when I learn to skimboard, it just happens. And you should seriously think about joining a gym or start working out in some way, it boosts confidence a ton (if you havn't already). Also, just do things you are afraid to do, if you do them enough you will begin to get good at it and succeed. It takes time, but every fear can be overcome with dedication.

I just started school and I purposely put a weight lifting class in between my other classes to force myself to work out. I agree it does do wonders for your self image and energy levels. Thanks for reminding me of that.

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by head_wall
I feel just HORRIBLE after that.

Best thing you can do is force yourself to approach when you feel this way.

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." - Vince Lombardi

-good luck

 

[head_wall]

Re: Re: Rejection

Originally posted by h2o
Best thing you can do is force yourself to approach when you feel this way.

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." - Vince Lombardi

-good luck

When I start feeling this way, it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to approach. I mean, NO WAY! How do I change the meaning of what I am doing so that I don't feel so bad in the first place?

 

[Hunchback]

Sometimes, I go out clubbing with no money...and if I want a drink...which I always do...I HAVE to talk to someone and be ****ING CHARMING in order to get a drink.

This might sound a little stupid to you, but what I mean is...you have to find your niche. Like, the one thing that's gonna keep you going out and doing what you do.

So keep trying and you find eventually find something that motivates you.

 

[h2o]

Re: Re: Re: Rejection

Originally posted by head_wall
When I start feeling this way, it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to approach. I mean, NO WAY! How do I change the meaning of what I am doing so that I don't feel so bad in the first place?

Well it's not IMPOSSIBLE...that's all in your head. You're creating self-limiting beliefs just by thinking so.

But, anyway, I think I know an effective way of "changing the meaning" of what you're doing so as to not be so hesitant to approach following a rejection.

You know the rejection collection? Well forget about that, or any other thing that is based on the thought/idea that you will be getting a phone number or anything.

Focus on yourself.

You have to face your fears. Bombard yourself with them. It is an inner battle. You are basing too much on external factors, such as being rejected by the girl. When you approach, you have already succeeded in facing your fear. It does not matter what goes on during that interaction...but rather, the point is merely to face your fear of approaching.

So, do approaches for yourself. Don't let the fear take over, and succeed by kicking it's ass and approaching. It's a battle within yourself...disregard anything that actually goes on externally with the girl.

This is pretty much what I did. Then, I started to focus on actually learning some game. First, learn to deal with not allowing fear to take you over (in your head), then work on actually getting numbers or whatever.

This is by no means orignial material, but hopefully it'll help you out(?)...

good luck.

 

[head_wall]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Rejection

Originally posted by h2o


So, do approaches for yourself. Don't let the fear take over, and succeed by kicking it's ass and approaching. It's a battle within yourself...disregard anything that actually goes on externally with the girl.

This is pretty much what I did. Then, I started to focus on actually learning some game. First, learn to deal with not allowing fear to take you over (in your head), then work on actually getting numbers or whatever.

This is by no means orignial material, but hopefully it'll help you out(?)...

good luck.

OOOO!! THat's excellent advice!! Much of what has scared me has been what to say and not ****ing up. This is great man, you should do a post on this idea.

 

[MercutioTHEGREAT]

IF i were you i would condition myself 1st....

go out and approach smart but totally don't look for a good reply and work off that... you will start to get better at approaching and end up not caring...it's all mental conditioning..quit reading and go get rejected more!!!! I'm just saying excpect it with every girl so you won't have your hopes up... trust me i know exactly how you feel!!!!...This is how i started to talk to more girls... just except rejection and keep going....girls have no patience for weak guys so suck it up and go get your girl.