Rejection cannot hurt you. It does not have the power to hurt you. FACT.
Let's talk about death. Let's say you have a cousin Jimmy. You're close, around the same age, grew up together. Jimmy is going to backpack around Latinamerica and you'll continue your life at home. Jimmy has seen motorcycle diaries and wishes to emulate that trip. However, his lack of sleep catches up with him one night on an isolated road from Bolivia to Peru and Jimmy is fatally injured as his bike carreers off the road. He dies on Wednesday night. By the time your family is contacted and informed it's Friday evening. Two days have passed. You're devastated.
Did Jimmy's death cause you to be devastated. Logically no. The moment of his death was Wednesday and you were living your life blissfully unaware. So logically speaking his death had ZERO affect on you. But you were devastated I hear you say. Yes. What you TOLD YOURSELF ABOUT JIMMY'S DEATH DEVASTATED YOU. The moment of his actual death....nothing happened to you.
Let's say you wish to associate yourself with winners/mentors/positive people and there is someone in your job that you wish to associate with/become friends with. So one day you ask this person to join you for lunch.....but they say no for whatever reason. The fact that they said no cannot affect you. It cannot. It does not have the power to affect you. WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF AFTER THE FACT HAS THE POWER TO FVCK YOU OR NOT
Let's examine it: before you asked the person to join you for lunch, you were already going to lunch alone. If you have the balls to ask someone to join you YOU MAY GAIN SOMETHING. But you CANNOT LOSE ANYTHING as you were already going alone. In other words: the situation HAS NOT GOT WORSE.....
It only gets worse if you add something after the fact!!! for example the person says no and you think to yourself "My mother was right, I am scum" NOW the situation has got worse. NOW your self-esteem takes a bad hit and you are less likely to have the balls to ask another person.
What you add after the fact needs to be empowering to your self-esteem...
same with approaching a hb. You see a girl you'd like to fvck. You're not fvcking her now. If you approach her you may very well end up fvcking her or she may say no (she may not have the good sense to take you up on your offer) but YOU'VE LOST NOTHING. If you don't approach her, you'll definately not be fvcking her....and you may end up wondering if you could have....but the situation cannot get worse!!! UNLESS......
That's right...unless YOU ADD SOMETHING NEGATIVE....such as "It must be my hair/eyes/height/roman nose/etc etc" or "angry angry approaching is stupid all women are lesbians yadaa yadaa" Now the situation has got worse.....
What if you were to add something that would be empowering to your self-esteem...
"that's her loss"
"rejection is better than regret and I had the balls to approach"
"plenty more where she came from"
"I feel sympathy for her as she will not get to experience ME"
"approaching is such a buzz!"
"Next!!"
Let's look at a formula...
E + R = O
Event + Reaction = Outcome
You'll find that most people that find themselves on a shrink's couch are there because of some "O" (outcome). It was their reaction to a certain event that produced a certain outcome and now they are there to "talk about it". If they don't like a particular outcome they'll need to learn to change their reactions to produce better outcomes.
If this is a maths equation that cannot be changed ie 2 + 2 = 4 and the event is life....if you're not getting the outcome you desire, the only logical solution is to change R: your reaction.
Let's talk about death. Let's say you have a cousin Jimmy. You're close, around the same age, grew up together. Jimmy is going to backpack around Latinamerica and you'll continue your life at home. Jimmy has seen motorcycle diaries and wishes to emulate that trip. However, his lack of sleep catches up with him one night on an isolated road from Bolivia to Peru and Jimmy is fatally injured as his bike carreers off the road. He dies on Wednesday night. By the time your family is contacted and informed it's Friday evening. Two days have passed. You're devastated.
Did Jimmy's death cause you to be devastated. Logically no. The moment of his death was Wednesday and you were living your life blissfully unaware. So logically speaking his death had ZERO affect on you. But you were devastated I hear you say. Yes. What you TOLD YOURSELF ABOUT JIMMY'S DEATH DEVASTATED YOU. The moment of his actual death....nothing happened to you.
Let's say you wish to associate yourself with winners/mentors/positive people and there is someone in your job that you wish to associate with/become friends with. So one day you ask this person to join you for lunch.....but they say no for whatever reason. The fact that they said no cannot affect you. It cannot. It does not have the power to affect you. WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF AFTER THE FACT HAS THE POWER TO FVCK YOU OR NOT
Let's examine it: before you asked the person to join you for lunch, you were already going to lunch alone. If you have the balls to ask someone to join you YOU MAY GAIN SOMETHING. But you CANNOT LOSE ANYTHING as you were already going alone. In other words: the situation HAS NOT GOT WORSE.....
It only gets worse if you add something after the fact!!! for example the person says no and you think to yourself "My mother was right, I am scum" NOW the situation has got worse. NOW your self-esteem takes a bad hit and you are less likely to have the balls to ask another person.
What you add after the fact needs to be empowering to your self-esteem...
same with approaching a hb. You see a girl you'd like to fvck. You're not fvcking her now. If you approach her you may very well end up fvcking her or she may say no (she may not have the good sense to take you up on your offer) but YOU'VE LOST NOTHING. If you don't approach her, you'll definately not be fvcking her....and you may end up wondering if you could have....but the situation cannot get worse!!! UNLESS......
That's right...unless YOU ADD SOMETHING NEGATIVE....such as "It must be my hair/eyes/height/roman nose/etc etc" or "angry angry approaching is stupid all women are lesbians yadaa yadaa" Now the situation has got worse.....
What if you were to add something that would be empowering to your self-esteem...
"that's her loss"
"rejection is better than regret and I had the balls to approach"
"plenty more where she came from"
"I feel sympathy for her as she will not get to experience ME"
"approaching is such a buzz!"
"Next!!"
Let's look at a formula...
E + R = O
Event + Reaction = Outcome
You'll find that most people that find themselves on a shrink's couch are there because of some "O" (outcome). It was their reaction to a certain event that produced a certain outcome and now they are there to "talk about it". If they don't like a particular outcome they'll need to learn to change their reactions to produce better outcomes.
If this is a maths equation that cannot be changed ie 2 + 2 = 4 and the event is life....if you're not getting the outcome you desire, the only logical solution is to change R: your reaction.
