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Reinventing yourself from the joker.

switch7

Master Don Juan
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In everyday life I tend to talk too much. I joke around too much and I can be a bit of a clown. In general I don't take myself very seriously and this needs to change because I lose respect because of it.

At the moment I am at the stage in my life where I am not going out socialising as much and I am mainly hitting the gym and improving myself career wise. So I have an opportunity to keep social circles at arms length and let them forget about me for a while, thus making them less memorable of my childish nature, giving me an opportunity to establish myself as a more serious, mature, respectable character when I do eventually revisit them.

This strategy however will not be feasible in work as I am there everyday and they know me as the guy who likes to joke around and play the fool. So even if I change how I act they will still identify me as that guy who likes to clown.. Question is how do I break that connection they have with me being a clown? I think it will be hard for me to change my ways if they still see me as the joker as they will treat me like a joker and want to have a laugh with me all the time..

I'd just like to add I am a really hard worker, so my work ethic and performance isn't an issue, its more the social side of work that's the issue. Any thoughts?
 

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Medina

Master Don Juan
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Respect is also something I've been thinking about for a while now, so this is gonna be a long one

I made a thread asking about it but only Cola really answered. I believe he respected a family member because everybody knows him and can socialize easily with everyone. In my experience this is also true of the respected people I know. So being funny/socialable does play a part in garnering respect. But obviously you don't wanna be a class clown

For me a big part of respect is not being agreeable. Hate to coin a Peterson phrase but there is no better word for it. Learn to say no, learn to challenge dumb@sses and learn to have a backbone. Those are just basics that every man should already have

One interesting trait I've noticed in the top Alpha males is an amazing ability to instantly forget confrontations. Donald Trump will blast you for hours and then shake your hand backstage, he might even offer you a job. Soccer coach Alex Ferguson will destroy you (verbally) and then 5 minutes later invite you to his house for dinner. Like nothing ever happened

Most people aren't like this. The top respected bosses and billionaires of this world, are.
 

AAAgent

Master Don Juan
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I find this difficult as well as I essentially act like a different person when working or when not working. People say i'm two different people privately and when working. Privately and in my personal life, I don't socialize much. I'm very reserved, not friendly to strangers, and only have a handful of close friends. Publicly for work, I am very social, friendly, outgoing, and complete opposite of when i'm not in work mode. I have many great friends because of work. My personal friends thought this was very interesting at first and weird, but i explained to them what my job requires and i do it to full-fill my duties.

Also, i'm very nice and giving to my friends but at work (not socializing), people are scared of me and call me a hardass. I help people get jobs and hire people often but I put them through the fire and make sure they earn their position. I take my subordinates under my wing and tell them skills they need to learn and make them work extra to gain those skills to position them for management roles in the future (if they don't want it, i leave them be). It in turn grants me strong loyalty from my subordinates. Then I have female friends who ask me for jobs and want to work for me. If i know they don't have the stomach to handle my pressure, I tell them "you don't want to work for me. People are scared of me at work and call me a hardass." My family and friends find this interesting as well so I don't show them that side either. Too many macho's within my family and friends, it honestly isn't worth my time to try and outmacho them in their small fishbowl. So they see me as somewhat passive.

It's probably like that for many in higher up roles. I have a work personality that is VERY HARSH to get the job done most efficiently. I bulldoze all around me to accomplish objectives. For work socially, i'm a social butterfly and partier. Privately, around those I'm not comfortable with, I seem very standoff-ish and reserved. People consider me shy, unless they get to know me.

After parties/conferences, sometimes I will disappear and let my introvert batteries recharge and show back up at a party later or the next day, energized. Otherwise i do my best to maintain my work persona when working and when not working, i keep that persona as well.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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I'd just like to add I am a really hard worker, so my work ethic and performance isn't an issue, its more the social side of work that's the issue. Any thoughts?
At thirty, I don't have the luxury of the club 7 nights a week. I have spent a lot of time on game, day and night approaching, inner game work; meditation, yoga, lots of reading, panic breathing, and lifestyle work. I lift. I am currently intermittent fasting. I am doing Wim Hoff breathing techniques. I sleep minimum eight hours. I get baeeeeees.

I live in the moment. Yolo. Free spirit. I enjoy going through the process of breaching going from strangers to beating it rotten. It feels good man.

Atm I am in a period of transition. I am making the shift. It's probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I still approach three a day. Usually more. Day or night, there's no excuses. As for being a joker, if it's who you are through and through, cultivate it. Own it. If you're a dancing monkey trying to get a laugh, stop simpin.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Respect is also something I've been thinking about for a while now, so this is gonna be a long one

I made a thread asking about it but only Cola really answered. I believe he respected a family member because everybody knows him and can socialize easily with everyone. In my experience this is also true of the respected people I know. So being funny/socialable does play a part in garnering respect. But obviously you don't wanna be a class clown

For me a big part of respect is not being agreeable. Hate to coin a Peterson phrase but there is no better word for it. Learn to say no, learn to challenge dumb@sses and learn to have a backbone. Those are just basics that every man should already have

One interesting trait I've noticed in the top Alpha males is an amazing ability to instantly forget confrontations. Donald Trump will blast you for hours and then shake your hand backstage, he might even offer you a job. Soccer coach Alex Ferguson will destroy you (verbally) and then 5 minutes later invite you to his house for dinner. Like nothing ever happened

Most people aren't like this. The top respected bosses and billionaires of this world, are.
+1
Link it.

People tend to get respected after doing something. A lot of bosses got in via the teet of daddy. Trust fund baby or some ****ery. Respect is earned. It's not a charity.

It's the same for liking people. It's a rarity.
 
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ubercat

Master Don Juan
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Since it's about work I guess I'm over qualified as I've had decades in the workforce.

Whether you get respect or not is not always something you can control. Some people and particularly millennials and Gen next are not respectful. It's just not how they are built.

So I think it comes down to 3 things:

1. Being someone people can respect
2. Having leadership qualities
3. Networking and making the right connections

Number one is about your work ethic knowledge and value as an individual contributor.

number two is about taking responsibility stretching and been able to read and hold the room.

Number 3 is your shield. If you are trying to advance you will have competitors and enemies. if you have a wide network it's harder to start a whispering campaign against you and pull you down.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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Since it's about work I guess I'm over qualified as I've had decades in the workforce.

Whether you get respect or not is not always something you can control. Some people and particularly millennials and Gen next are not respectful. It's just not how they are built.

So I think it comes down to 3 things:

1. Being someone people can respect
2. Having leadership qualities
3. Networking and making the right connections

Number one is about your work ethic knowledge and value as an individual contributor.

number two is about taking responsibility stretching and been able to read and hold the room.

Number 3 is your shield. If you are trying to advance you will have competitors and enemies. if you have a wide network it's harder to start a whispering campaign against you and pull you down.
I've learned, move up, lateral shift over or pull the chute after having acquired better options.
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Image transitioning isn't as difficult as you might think.
Here's why...
01 most people have short attention spans.
Think about something(anything) that was big news a month or year ago. On the day it occurred, we might think that we'd not forget it. Later on, it's old news and eventually forgotten news.

02 (and this one is a blow to the ego) We usually believe that other people think of us a lot more than they actually do.

In the work place, I'd suggest throwing the 'serious' angle gradually. Then add a little more seriousness into the mix as days, weeks go by. Then a little more etc...
If it's gradual enough, you probably won't experience the "boy, you've changed" bit.

With women, if played correctly, this can work to your advantage. As long as you are serous at the proper opportunities. a woman will feel like you are sharing a side with her that you don't share with just anyone.
 

Ohso-Phresh

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
420
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In everyday life I tend to talk too much. I joke around too much and I can be a bit of a clown. In general I don't take myself very seriously and this needs to change because I lose respect because of it.

At the moment I am at the stage in my life where I am not going out socialising as much and I am mainly hitting the gym and improving myself career wise. So I have an opportunity to keep social circles at arms length and let them forget about me for a while, thus making them less memorable of my childish nature, giving me an opportunity to establish myself as a more serious, mature, respectable character when I do eventually revisit them.

This strategy however will not be feasible in work as I am there everyday and they know me as the guy who likes to joke around and play the fool. So even if I change how I act they will still identify me as that guy who likes to clown.. Question is how do I break that connection they have with me being a clown? I think it will be hard for me to change my ways if they still see me as the joker as they will treat me like a joker and want to have a laugh with me all the time..

I'd just like to add I am a really hard worker, so my work ethic and performance isn't an issue, its more the social side of work that's the issue. Any thoughts?
Start and run a successful business. They won’t view you as the joker anymore.
 
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