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Red Flags

soulforge

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If at a party, I might hook up w/ her. No way for an LTR and no way to be part of my ecosystem.
I might like her and try to help her as a human being. She would be able to get under my skin and damag me emotionally. I know this so I would not allow it. Before red pill, I almost certanly would have.

not thinking about her at all, just you....

plate.. ok, but only at her place.
LTR.. NO fckkng way.

8,9,10 is a death sentance eventually for you.

These damaged girls are usually hot as Fuk.. I mean model material..

But those red flags are death sentence for some naive & lacks red pill knowledge.

Some would try to fix a girl like that & end up destroying themselves in the process!
 

BackInTheGame78

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How would you lay down the rules, with a girl who has the below red flags?

01. Sexualy abused as a child
02. Emotional trauma from sexual abuse
03. Self harmed.. Cutting when she was younger.
04. Ex nude model
05. Ex nude dancer
06. Involvement with porn industry in her past
07. Has taken part in a 3some/4some
08. Occasional cocaine user
09. Friends with cocaine problem
10. Tons of male friends
11. Close friends with an ex pornographer
11. Strong suspicion she was BDP
I wouldn't. This woman is going to be a problem from the jump.
 

oldmanofthesea

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@bcude and @Black Widow Void - Thank you very much for the kind words and thoughts. While it is much better to be the dumper than the dumpee, it still isn't easy to end things with a girl you really liked and were really physically attracted to so I appreciate your words.


Literally every person has something another person could consider a red flag. People are only trying to kid themselves if they think they will find someone without any. Some have more, some have less, some can hide them expertly and some can't. But everyone has them. Including myself and every other poster here.
+
Some of the things you listed aren't even red flags.

Two great parents? A great upbringing? That's actually the exception and not the rule.

There's more dysfunctional families than functional ones.

An overwhelming majority of people have issues of some kind, Male and female.
I agree with both of you. And to your point about some of those things not being red flags - many posters here seem to disagree, based on all the comments I see about father-daughter relationships and broken homes, and that is a big part of why I made the post. My interpretation of red-flag comments and posts people make here are that we should be avoiding any woman who has any of the following red-flags (followed by a list of them). I know partially why people do it - they have been burned by a woman (or women) with those red flags and they can see how the red flags manifested into the issues the poor guy was then subjected to. So I am not being critical of guys who post those lists. But I am trying to understand if people really think we should be looking for a woman who has none of those red flags, because I feel that would be impossible, or if we should simply see them more as "yellow flags" - something that you wouldn't necessarily end a relationship over if it hasn't caused any problems for you (yet), but also something that you would keep in the front of your mind and be very conscious and careful of as you proceed with that woman.

I don’t agree with the term “red flags”.

If a man is attracted to a girl, all he has to do is lay down his terms. She ride or walk, either leave it or love it.
I am at that point myself - that "red flags" should be "yellow flags" - just something to pay attention to as part of how we see women for who and what they are and avoid pedestalizing them. And I fully agree with your statement about terms. This is exactly how I handled my relationship with my (now) ex.

OP - one year with red flags? That’s a long time. Usually girls start to show them when they are comfortable in a relationship.
There were some red flags early on. But to your previous statement on how to operate, this is exactly what I have learned in how you deal with women and relationships (and only in the last four years since my divorce when I became red-pill aware and began reading and studying about these things). In my own words it is:
1. Explain to her what your expectations are (usually at an appropriate time where it is relevant to the situation/conversation at hand). Do not let her try to manipulate you into thinking your expectations are unreasonable or wrong (there literally is no such thing as an unrealistic expectation if it is something that is critical to your own happiness). These expectations are commonly referred to as boundaries. Stand your ground and end the relationship if she crosses them. Period.
2. Never argue with a woman. They will always win because 99% of women are far better at manipulation than 99% of men. If you follow the advice of #1, there can be no arguing, because you are simply stating what you are and are not willing to accept.
3. Expanding on #2, if a woman is upset, I do think the right thing to do is listen and try to understand how she is feeling and really try to help her get to the bottom of WHY she is feeling that way. If that conversation turns up something she wants you to change, and that change doesn't violate your boundaries, then you can agree to it. That's compromise. If it violates your boundaries then you don't. If she is willing to end it because of that, then that's what needs to happen.

This is how I operated with her for a year. I saw some red flags early on, but they didn't impact our relationship yet so I just kept aware of them. Then she started doing things I didn't like and I used that opportunity to communicate my expectations around those specific things. When she crossed them, I broke things off with her. She came back to me a day or two later apologizing, crying, and begging me to take her back. I really liked this girl - the good times were incredible, we have so many shared hobbies, and she was my absolute ideal type physically, so I let her convince me to take her back, and that she'd not cross my boundaries again. But it was BS; while she definitely wanted me back, she was either unwilling or unable to change and/or accept my boundaries. The original issue never went away and several more began to bubble up to the surface. Most surrounded alcohol abuse, jealousy, insecurity, entitlement, and manipulation/control. The issues would always start with her becoming angry with me for something she didn't like, then trying to place demands on me as a result. Common examples included her being jealous when I would "like" platonic female friend's social media posts or demands that I block exes on social media. There were other gripes outside of social media as well but those just came to mind first. My ONLY gripes of her were the demands she tried to make on me, and occasionally her being hypocritical by doing the same exact things she chastised me for. Her demands did not work with my boundaries and so I again broke things off with her. Again she came back crying/begging. And I took her back for the same reasons as before, hoping she would change and understand I was serious about enforcing my boundaries. But of course, history repeated itself and this last time, I realized it would never change so I dropped her for good and blocked her number and social media. She is now having her mother and friends reach out to me pleading, so that is nice to have to deal with. But I'm done.

One could say that she didn't do anything wrong, it was just that her boundaries were simply incompatible with mine. I think that's fair.

Some may be critical of me for my taking her back several times, but until the most recent time, none of these broken-boundary incidents were earth-shattering, and I do think some people need to be dumped in order to realize you mean what you say and are willing to back it up - and that CAN serve as the event that enables them to implement change (if they truly want to be with you). So I do think it is ok to take someone back once or twice, depending on the seriousness of the broken boundary. But the seriousness of her last broken boundary combined with the repeated violations of previous boundaries resulted in my finally recognizing she couldn't change and it was time to move on.
 
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darksprezzatura

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Plate spinners don't analyse every red flag.

Because we don't have the time.

There are still a couple of red flags I vet my plates for:

- STDs (general health indicators)
- absent/dead/abusive father during childhood
- insane amounts of tattoos/dyed hair freaky colors
- feminazism
- lots of guy friends, no girlfriends
- substance abuse problem

Smaller red flags are of no real concern to me in a non-attached relationship.
 

CBear

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I see it a little differently. All women have red flags. But you have to pay attention to her behavior towards you as well as others. You need to make expectations clear and if she respects you, she will do everything for you and will be the best possible woman she can be, no matter what red flags she has/had. If she's non-compliant or disrespectful, then she is of no use for you. In the end, it's about how she treats you. I've met women with many red flags who end up being crazy and I've met women with red flags that treat me like a king and are dignified and I've met women with seemingly less red flags who ended up being no good. The red flags are something to really keep in mind but her actions will determine the outcomes.
 

Barrister

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Kind of like not having hard line rules for communication with women, I think taking a hard stance on specific qualities doesn't always make sense. I can certainly say there are qualities that automatically will make me think "no way I can put up with this very long"- such as regular cigarette smoking. But, if the woman is otherwise like a HB 9, loves to cook, showing extremely high interest I am not going to cross her off my potential plate list just because she smokes. Again, that may be hard to overcome, but I still like to approach it with an open mind. As @CBear aptly put it above - overall her actions towards me will always be the biggest decider of whether I pursue/keep her around.
 
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