Red flags in a relationship

[pyros]

Hiya.

I'd like to ask you guys, what are some of the red flags you have found in your relationships that made you break it up, or what are some of the red flags you've heard of from friends etc.

I say this because it seems there is plenty of guys out there and in this forum that are in a not very healthy relationship, or they are dating girls that are psycho or have major problems but guys dont see it, so they just keep there, 'working out' the relationship, fixing it, or fixing the girl, or trying to understand the girl.

So, how many red flags you need to break up a relationship? maybe the relationship is good, good sex, nice girl, but...:

she's too damn controlling?
maybe she yells at you?
maybe she is too attach to her parents and this drives you nuts?
maybe she has zero friends?
maybe she stopped dressing sexy?
maybe she is too stubborn all the time?

how many red flags are too many?
how big they have to be?


P.S.
I'm asking this in order to realise when you have a good, proper, relationship in all ways.

Thanks.

 

[Thatfeel21]

- Says she hates drama though her life is full of it
- remind you often that shes a confident, independent woman= means the opposite
-always has something to complain about
-has NUMEROUS family problems-biggest red flag to me! every woman ive dated whos had these are just completely emotionally unstable

 

[5string]

Cluster b diagnosis and/or daddy issues. Abuse when young. It' all to be found on this forum.

 

[ovoxo]

-mostly guy friends. Usually means she is a slvt, but at a minimum means she is an attention wh0re/high maintenence.

HUGE RED FLAG. Stay away from girls like this.

Cluster b diagnosis and/or daddy issues. Abuse when young. It' all to be found on this forum.

Daddy issues is a very understated problem when it comes to dating females. That's a gap in her heart that you can never fill.

- Cheated on multiple times by first love/boyfriend and still stayed around
- Having a child

 

[Victory Unlimited]

how many red flags are too many?

Within reason, it's not the NUMBER of red flags that you should concern yourself with------it's the red flag that STOPS you dead in your tracks that you should really pay attention to. Everyman has a "hill" that he's willing to die on, so you have to figure out what yours is.

You'd be surprised by what SOME guys will put up with, and other guys would probably be surprised by what YOU would put up with. As I've said before, there are variety of ways to know whether or not you're a SUCKER for a bad relationship.

However, at the most basic level, one good way to know when you've run into a red flag that's MAJOR for "you" is when you actually do start to feel like A SUCKER for staying in that relationship.

V.U.

 

[pyros]

Good answer Espi, thank you.

I have some others:
-- lazy.
-- does not put effort into the relationship.
-- obsession about eating healthy.
-- obsession about having kids.
-- seems to care about you, but you think she does not care so much.
-- LIES/LIED ABOUT some 'small' things, for her own interests.
-- depressive.

I think I've failed to 'test' my women. I just used to assume they were ok in all aspects. Well, I asked them some questions but it seems you have to really ASK, if you do not want to have any surprises in the future. Damn.


So as I asked, when is it too much? when you decide its better to break it up?
I mean, let's say the relationship is good, but she's just too damn naive, and people use her, or she's too lazy, or she just does everything her parents say, do you dump her? is that so much? brbrbbb...I'm confused.

Thanks.

 

[pyros]

yeah but that one is pretty obvious, but what if you're already into the relationship and you start to notice things that are subtle...or somethings that months back did not happen, but now they do. For example, you've dated this girl for a year, and now that she finished her degree, she has to find a job, but she's lazy, she doesnt put much effort...she just stays at home...happy, and says she'll find one, but she doesnt move her ass, or at least not as much as you think she should.

 

[Zerro]

More of a pre-relationship red flag:
* Always interested in what you do and are up to but never wants to talk about herself and gets evasive about her own activities.

 

[betheman]

Within reason, it's not the NUMBER of red flags that you should concern yourself with------it's the red flag that STOPS you dead in your tracks that you should really pay attention to. Everyman has a "hill" that he's willing to die on, so you have to figure out what yours is.

You'd be surprised by what SOME guys will put up with, and other guys would probably be surprised by what YOU would put up with. As I've said before, there are variety of ways to know whether or not you're a SUCKER for a bad relationship.

However, at the most basic level, one good way to know when you've run into a red flag that's MAJOR for "you" is when you actually do start to feel like A SUCKER for staying in that relationship.

V.U.

"Everyman has a "hill" that he's willing to die on, so you have to figure out what yours is." boy is this true!!!!

love your posts VU and this is another quality one, it is true we all have our own versions of red flags and shades of red

One that I would add is her past relationships, how they ended, i.e. is everyone a train wreck and always the guys fault? because of the past relationships, has she got a victim mentality, poor little me?
this will replay and you may well be the next train wreck

 

[MisterD]

Keep your expectations realistic. That sounds simple but some men don't follow. Don't get exclusive with a slut and then say "well she flirts with a lot of guys but that will change once we're exclusive". People don't change. That's how girls get burned by the bad boys because they think they can change them.

Accept people for who they are, don't go into it thinking things will change once you go exclusive.

Also, make a set of standards/expectations. A mental list of things you will and won't tolerate. If she does something that fails to meet your requirements, you HAVE to be willing to walk. If you don't walk, you are in big trouble.

 

[bigneil]

- The #1 worst warning sign: You get that gut feeling.