red flags at the begginning of a serious relationship?

[drak_ool]

The details of my story are not so relevant here, as a general outline I met a girl about 3 months ago and we hit it off instantly. At first I was still seeing other girls, but gradually I started only seeing her, as I felt spending time with other chicks was a waste of my time because she was hotter and more fun than they were. I never set into an exclusive mindset, but lately when I go out by myself I don't feel that drive in me to go to the greatest lengths to get a girl. I ve got with other girls since I first met her, but that is beside the point. Right now I'm trying to decide if she s a right fit, so your help is appreciated.

My main question is what kind of red flags do you look for in a girl before starting to get serious with her? Based on my past LTRs, I look for:

- history of childhood abuse. I especially look at how the girl has been dealing with/recovering from the abuse. Those are sad situations that you don't want to get yourself involved in, unless you are a psychologist...

- tendency to get drunk, and how she acts when she s drunk. Drunks are a turn-off in my book, especially when they re flirting with every other guy at the bar while in your presence. But the worst is drunk fights. I will not date another girl who starts fights with me everytime she gets drunk

- feminist. I m very careful of those women who resent men , as they will blame you for everything bad that any man has ever done to her.

- jealousy. If a girl is always asking you were are you going, who are you hanging out with, or worse, she always wants to go places with you, then she has some serious self esteem problems. These will blow up as the relationship grows.

- dramatic mood swings. If she shows you those before you get serious with her, what will she do once she has you in her pocket?

- how she responds to other guys hitting on her. I understand that having a hot girlfriend means a LOT of dudes will be hitting on her, in your presence and behind your back. I look at how she handles them, how flirty she is, and how clear she makes it that she is unavailable.

- skanky/slu.tty girlfriends. If she s always hanging out with them, going to "girls night out" with friends who are just looking for a hookup, I start wondering why she needs a boyfriend at all

- past "bad" behavior. Sometimes a girl will talk about her past negative history herself, sometimes you find out from other people, but it s always a big red flag. A girl who cheated in the past will cheat again. A girl who was the w.hore of the town... well you get the idea!

- past boyfriends. Always try to find out on what terms the girl is with past boyfriends, f.uck buddies, hookups, etc... You don't want to be the rebound guy.


guys, please add to this list as your words of wisdom will help me make a better educated choice.

thanks!

 

[sodbuster]

search the mature man forum,you'll find a wole list

 

[x86]

This is what I use as a guide.

(Can't take credit for the post, but i 100% agree, stolen off of another forum)
Red Flags
This is a list of Red Flags I've created by category. Of course, some of these Red Flags will not apply to you depending on what you want (ie if you're just looking to get laid, the Red Flags for a wh0re would then be green lights).


She's a Phony
- There's just that something about her that your family and friends don't like.

- She likes something just because you like it.

- She's a different person depending on who she's with or where she is.

- She starts becoming a different person, ie your similarities have suddenly disappeared.


Inconsiderate / Selfish
- She always blames someone else for her screwups.

- She brings up your past fvckups in an arguement long after you've apologized for them.

- She bytches and whines when you ask her to go (insert place here). She may eventually agree to go, but she's miserable during the whole thing.

- You answer NO to some request, and she flips out saying "you're selfish", "you're an *******", or she counteracts with something like "Fine. Next time you want to (insert action here), then you can just forget it".


- She does something to piss you off on purpose when she knows damn well you hate it.

- She talks about herself and her life nonstop. If you try to say something, and you get cut off, or what you said is ignored and she keeps talking about herself.


Wh0re
- She fvcks off when you bring her with you to a party, bar, etc.

- She's a single mother with more than one child from different fathers.

- Her number of sex partners is greater than 1/3 her age.

- She immediately becomes buddies with your friends, rather than slowly warming up to them. She'll try sleeping with them in the future.


Emotionally Unstable
- She has a history of addictions (ie drugs, alcohol, gambling)

- She doesn't clean up after herself.

- She complains about her physical appearance

- She has been sexually, physically, or emotionally abused.

- After she gets involved with you, she no longer makes contact with her friends. She spends her time with only you.

- You have to constantly reassure her that you care for her.

- She has no friends except for her close relatives.

- She's in a hurry to get involved in a relationship.

- She tells you her deepest secrets early in the relationship.

- She sleeps / eats too much or too little.

- She's a single mother.

- She has long stretches of being unemployed.

- She's between the ages of 14 and 26, and has been divorced at least once.

- She says "I can't live without you".

- Her friends/ex-bfs are total fvckos. They have drug problems, are suicidal, wh0res, depressed. People attract their same kind.

- She warns you about one of her problems (ie temper), and when this problem comes out, she says "I warned you I was like this!".

- She dumps you so you'll be better off. She uses reasons like "You're too good for me", "A much better woman deserves you", "You're not happy with me", etc.

- She begs for you to get back together with her after she dumped you.


User
- She uses sex as a bribe to get you to do anything.

- She has nice posessions, but has no job.

- She flirts to get attention or free stuff (ie booze, money, cigarettes)

- She gives hints that you should buy her something (ie "I wish someone would buy a (insert object here) for meeeee"


Incompatible With You
- She doesn't speak the same language you do.

- The both of you have completely different childhoods; ie she grew up in the country while you grew up in the city, her family was rich while yours was poor, etc etc. This will most likely lead to different views of your

futures.


Bitter
- She asks your family & friends to help her get revenge on you after an arguement / breakup.

- She requests your assistance for getting revenge on her ex.

- She brags about how badly she fvcked up her ex.

- She blames all her failed relationships on the guy. Don't be surprised if she ends up going back to them.

- She's on the rebound - in other words, she recently broke off from a LTR.


Controlling / Posessive
- She gets pissed off if you want a night to hang out with your buddy(s).

- She talks about marriage or kids within the first few dates.

- Becomes posessive after a few dates, ie constantly calling, giving gifts or cards, gives you 5hit for not calling her everyday / being home to recieve her calls, comes to your workplace, phones your family, friends, regular hangouts to find out where you are.

- She's been divorced more than twice

- She tries to convince you not to wear a condom by saying "I'm on the pill".

 

[horaholic]

Inconsiderate / Selfish
- She always blames someone else for her screwups.

Thats every girl.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Quite a big list there.

However, those signs really are good ones to look for. If you spot any of them while out in the field, it'll save you a lot of time and hassle (if only I knew that before now lol).

Some of it is a gut instinct as well. More often than not, your gut can detect the truth. If you feel something weird is going on, there's a good chance you're right. Obviously don't break it off with a girl solely because you have a hunch, but definitely look into it.

 

[drak_ool]

Comeback Kid, the problem with the gut instinct is that it can work against you. The more you start to like a girl, the more time and emotion you invest into her, the more you ll start overlooking things that wouldn't fly with other girls. Then, to justify yourself, you keep telling yourself that even though all things are not perfect, you "feel" that she s the one, so you ll turn a blind eye to red flags or not even acknowledge them at all.

My point with starting this thread was to get a list of concrete, objected things to look for, so that even when your emotions start taking over, you can still go through the items in the list and make an objective decision on w/er you really want to be with the girl.

thanks for every response, especially x86, that s a pretty lengthy (but oh so true!) list