"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Red flag?
- Thread starter Technics
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
devilkingx2
Master Don Juan
the question is actually WHAT she wants to keep him around as.GS750 said:
is she the type to value platonic friendship?
is she the type to surround herself in as much attention as possible?
does she still desperately want the D?
only OP can tell us what kind of girl she is.
woah.... 7 months? it's been ages! nothing to worry about. any feelings are probably dead and buried by now, if you had to worry she'd have dumped your ass for him months agoTechnics said:
BlueAlpha1 said:
it's hard to go ghost when they just moved in together. :crackup:Technics said:
i wouldn't bring anything up, see if she initiated any recent contact online, check her phone again in another week since you already looked, if there is communication then you dump, don't lose your frame over this bro.
GS750
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If she's staying in contact with him, and she's the one initiating it and trying to keep the communication alive...then you may need to move on. That's a big red flag obviously. Not ready to completely let him go. If there hasn't been communication in months, then just stay on top of it and keep an eye out.
Peaks&Valleys
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OP, there is nothing in what you have said that would lead me to believe you have anything to worry about. Unless you lose your frame and start acting like a little insecure b1tch.
Don't act like a woman and fret over her having a conversation with her ex... OMG!! Or her checking out the FB (whenever that was).
Relax, bro.
Just keep your frame strong.
Leave her phone alone.
Don't fall down the slippery slope of being paranoid and acting like a BPD woman.
Relax.
Don't act like a woman and fret over her having a conversation with her ex... OMG!! Or her checking out the FB (whenever that was).
Relax, bro.
Just keep your frame strong.
Leave her phone alone.
Don't fall down the slippery slope of being paranoid and acting like a BPD woman.
Relax.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
I've been keeping my frame. It's hard though.
This is more of the text conversation which happenned a few days before the other one I posted. This was all while we were exclusive. (4 months in)
Her: Definitely a happy smile ****, good to see
x
Her: Sorry working! Call another time
Him: No worries doc. Take care
Her: Free tomorrow! ps just found out I scored a **** job in **** next year! Woohoo!
Him: Sorry it's late doc. I need to tell you why I said 'let's see what happens' when you told me you'd move back to ****** for me last year. I still don't know what I want to do, where I want to be. Leave **** or what. It's one of the reasons why we broke up. Not because I didn't want you in my life, didn't love you anymore. But I know I can't keep you on the shelf until I sort myself out. I want you to have all the happy ness you deserve. I get the feeling there's more to your relationship than your letting on (she was downplaying me and her to him?) and I'm really happy for you. Just remember that your still always on my mind, always in my heart
Him: Hey I wanted to tell you that last night, I just couldn't get the words together. It's come out a bit 'poor me' and that's not how it was supposed to. Just wanted you to know why I didn't drive to **** or **** earlier this year and lay it down to you. (she invited him over while we were dating? maybe exclusive then?) Anyway just so you know I meant it when I said I'll be here for you if he doesn't treat you the way you deserve
I just feel disrespected. Am I in the wrong to feel like this? Maybe it's just my ego...
Anyway, I will hold my frame and not say anything.
This is more of the text conversation which happenned a few days before the other one I posted. This was all while we were exclusive. (4 months in)
Her: Definitely a happy smile ****, good to see
xHer: Sorry working! Call another time
Him: No worries doc. Take care
Her: Free tomorrow!
ps just found out I scored a **** job in **** next year! Woohoo!Him: Sorry it's late doc. I need to tell you why I said 'let's see what happens' when you told me you'd move back to ****** for me last year. I still don't know what I want to do, where I want to be. Leave **** or what. It's one of the reasons why we broke up. Not because I didn't want you in my life, didn't love you anymore. But I know I can't keep you on the shelf until I sort myself out. I want you to have all the happy ness you deserve. I get the feeling there's more to your relationship than your letting on (she was downplaying me and her to him?) and I'm really happy for you. Just remember that your still always on my mind, always in my heart
Him: Hey I wanted to tell you that last night, I just couldn't get the words together. It's come out a bit 'poor me' and that's not how it was supposed to. Just wanted you to know why I didn't drive to **** or **** earlier this year and lay it down to you. (she invited him over while we were dating? maybe exclusive then?) Anyway just so you know I meant it when I said I'll be here for you if he doesn't treat you the way you deserve
I just feel disrespected. Am I in the wrong to feel like this? Maybe it's just my ego...
Anyway, I will hold my frame and not say anything.
Peaks&Valleys
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How are you copying these texts?
They are on her macbook (synced with iPhone) so all texts are on her computer. She can send texts through laptop or phone and they show in both locations.Peaks&Valleys said:
Anyway, I've been thinking about things and while I'm not proud of my mindset at the moment, I am proud that I mentally prepared to walk away and would not hesitate to if needed. That has been my major issue and one of the hardest things to instil in my head..the ability to walk away at a moments notice.
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Hey Technics,
Stay strong buddy! This kind of sh!t can really fvck with your head and ruin you and your relationship if you let it. I'm sure you are feeling pretty disappointed in her about now.
There's always lingering sh!t from previous relationships to deal with. If you are human we all carry some stuff like this around with us. Something I've learned through my many LTR's is that the chicks who could walk away and cut ties completely with their exes were/are some pretty cold hearted b!tches. Not the type of people I want around anyway.
We're all human and it's pretty normal to think about your exes from time to time. If you actually loved someone then that doesn't really go away ever. Hell I still care deeply about many of my exes but I've moved on and they are just good memories now.
I think more than anything these texts you found show that your girl values her relationships with people. She wanted to end things on good terms which is a really good sign. It shows character.
Now I'm certainly not an advocate of girlfriends remaining "friends" with their exes. Staying on good terms is fine but staying in contact is a big deal breaker for me. If you find that she continues to contact this guy then I think you have a big problem.
However, this seems to be a case of needing closure with a past relationship. It sounds like these two did that and have moved on. She indicated that there is no future between them and she has no interest. He has said he is happy for her and will always have a place for her in his heart. That's kind of sh!t that gets said in these "closure" conversations. IMO its over and done for them.
Unless you are seeing other red flags I would say you have nothing to worry about. That being said don't ever let your guard down with any chick ever. Not even your wife. Eyes stay wide open and you are always ready to walk at a moments notice.
Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the timeline of these texts. I don't believe they hooked up while you were together or either of them even tried to get the other back. If they had, they would be having a much different conversation. These texts look like two people airing out their past differences.
You'll probably never forget this incident and nor should you but do your best to stay cool and remember not to take any relationship too seriously. We all end up where we are truly supposed to be eventually.
I heard it said once that you should be grateful for all your gf's exes. They have helped shape her into the girlfriend she is to you now.
As always focus on the present and what you see in front of you right now.
Good luck stay strong!
Stay strong buddy! This kind of sh!t can really fvck with your head and ruin you and your relationship if you let it. I'm sure you are feeling pretty disappointed in her about now.
There's always lingering sh!t from previous relationships to deal with. If you are human we all carry some stuff like this around with us. Something I've learned through my many LTR's is that the chicks who could walk away and cut ties completely with their exes were/are some pretty cold hearted b!tches. Not the type of people I want around anyway.
We're all human and it's pretty normal to think about your exes from time to time. If you actually loved someone then that doesn't really go away ever. Hell I still care deeply about many of my exes but I've moved on and they are just good memories now.
I think more than anything these texts you found show that your girl values her relationships with people. She wanted to end things on good terms which is a really good sign. It shows character.
Now I'm certainly not an advocate of girlfriends remaining "friends" with their exes. Staying on good terms is fine but staying in contact is a big deal breaker for me. If you find that she continues to contact this guy then I think you have a big problem.
However, this seems to be a case of needing closure with a past relationship. It sounds like these two did that and have moved on. She indicated that there is no future between them and she has no interest. He has said he is happy for her and will always have a place for her in his heart. That's kind of sh!t that gets said in these "closure" conversations. IMO its over and done for them.
Unless you are seeing other red flags I would say you have nothing to worry about. That being said don't ever let your guard down with any chick ever. Not even your wife. Eyes stay wide open and you are always ready to walk at a moments notice.
Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the timeline of these texts. I don't believe they hooked up while you were together or either of them even tried to get the other back. If they had, they would be having a much different conversation. These texts look like two people airing out their past differences.
You'll probably never forget this incident and nor should you but do your best to stay cool and remember not to take any relationship too seriously. We all end up where we are truly supposed to be eventually.
I heard it said once that you should be grateful for all your gf's exes. They have helped shape her into the girlfriend she is to you now.
As always focus on the present and what you see in front of you right now.
Good luck stay strong!
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
He's the backup plan in case things don't work out with you. If I were you I would dump her coz its only a matter of time before she cheats on you. The thing is women always seem to keep in contact with their exes. I know this woman ( now 43) who is now single mom and is banging this dude (now married) she used to go out with when she was 20.
Update-
Saw that she has viewed his facebook a few more times since. No evidence of contact though.
The thing is I don't even have exes on fb let alone want to view their pages.
Anyway, I'll keep my frame and keep a careful eye on her.
Saw that she has viewed his facebook a few more times since. No evidence of contact though.
The thing is I don't even have exes on fb let alone want to view their pages.
Anyway, I'll keep my frame and keep a careful eye on her.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
YawataNoKami
Master Don Juan
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You want the honest truth?
She ain't over him. You're the rebound. Shocking, I know, since it's been a year...
Way too much investment in her.
If you suspect she still pines for him drop her now.
A couple reasons:
The insecurity you're showing by going behind her back is showing in subtle ways when you are with her.
Eventually you will see something that you don't like and that will set you off. You'll act all emotional over her behavior. By simply doing this she'll become less attracted to you. Over time she will lose all but cursory interest in you. After that it'll only be a matter of time before she messages him on facebook asking to meet up etc...
If she's your gf then she should be acting like one. Women can't be alone. They must have attention, affection or drama on some level. Her compulsive need to "check up on him" is an issue. There could be a million and 1 excuses for her doing this, none of them matter. She could easily put that energy into making you food, working out or giving you more sex you can handle.
Ask yourself this: Is she going through your facebook checking up on your activities online?
Who is more invested in the relationship? Her or You?
A tip for the next time you enter into a LTR with a girl.Within the 1st month set the boundaries of whats acceptable and not acceptable. That way when she decides to test them you can tell her get lost. She'll most likely beg for another chances at which point you can slide her into a lower position on the totem pole and find a new girl to occupy the majority of your time with.
Moving together .............big,big,huge mistake.
She ain't over him. You're the rebound. Shocking, I know, since it's been a year...
Way too much investment in her.
If you suspect she still pines for him drop her now.
A couple reasons:
The insecurity you're showing by going behind her back is showing in subtle ways when you are with her.
Eventually you will see something that you don't like and that will set you off. You'll act all emotional over her behavior. By simply doing this she'll become less attracted to you. Over time she will lose all but cursory interest in you. After that it'll only be a matter of time before she messages him on facebook asking to meet up etc...
If she's your gf then she should be acting like one. Women can't be alone. They must have attention, affection or drama on some level. Her compulsive need to "check up on him" is an issue. There could be a million and 1 excuses for her doing this, none of them matter. She could easily put that energy into making you food, working out or giving you more sex you can handle.
Ask yourself this: Is she going through your facebook checking up on your activities online?
Who is more invested in the relationship? Her or You?
A tip for the next time you enter into a LTR with a girl.Within the 1st month set the boundaries of whats acceptable and not acceptable. That way when she decides to test them you can tell her get lost. She'll most likely beg for another chances at which point you can slide her into a lower position on the totem pole and find a new girl to occupy the majority of your time with.
Moving together .............big,big,huge mistake.
Building_and_Loan
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Can you tell how often she's visiting your Facebook page? If it's less than she checks his, that can't be a good sign. If she's checking up on him at least once a week you can be damn sure she thinks about him a lot more.Technics said:
Sounds like she's wondering about him more than you. That's a problem brought on by living with someone you're not married to.
BrainDamage92
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Dude its normal forget about it dont dwell on negative ****. She certainly hasnt learned how to move on correctly I've done the same thing as her (well not while in a relationship but hell you know how women are). Their love was big but they werent right for each other and she realises it now.
Basically she loved him madly but she was abit of an annoyance to him couse she was too clingy, then when they broke up the dude was left alone with his hand so started having second thoughts couse he was hooked on the sex. Nothing new under the sun.
Also he messed up big time when he told her she can get back with him if "You dont treat her right". Even if it had no substance this is a big AFC move bro. And it has substance. Couse basically youre treating her right while he didnt and that is reality. So he fuked up.
This AFC move showed her that she can keep him as a dog on a leash for a rainy day. But then he got a new GF so she lost her doug so she kinda felt bad and got abit jealous.
The reality of the situation is, she has many more dogs on her leash. New people are the "threat" not the ex. But be real - if shes pretty she flirts around all day and has alot of orbiters - no way around that. Of course in the end of the day she goes to bed with you. Which is what you want anyway, but know that once you commit to a woman, she is in power from then on. You sign a pact with the devil. So... Deal with it *puts on sunglasses*
Basically she loved him madly but she was abit of an annoyance to him couse she was too clingy, then when they broke up the dude was left alone with his hand so started having second thoughts couse he was hooked on the sex. Nothing new under the sun.
Also he messed up big time when he told her she can get back with him if "You dont treat her right". Even if it had no substance this is a big AFC move bro. And it has substance. Couse basically youre treating her right while he didnt and that is reality. So he fuked up.
This AFC move showed her that she can keep him as a dog on a leash for a rainy day. But then he got a new GF so she lost her doug so she kinda felt bad and got abit jealous.
The reality of the situation is, she has many more dogs on her leash. New people are the "threat" not the ex. But be real - if shes pretty she flirts around all day and has alot of orbiters - no way around that. Of course in the end of the day she goes to bed with you. Which is what you want anyway, but know that once you commit to a woman, she is in power from then on. You sign a pact with the devil. So... Deal with it *puts on sunglasses*
Masculinity
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Either they may have died down or they may have intensified.devilkingx2 said:
devilkingx2 said:
This is not excellent, but pretty good evidence that he's still lingering in her mind. Whenever I am in doubt about a situation like this, I reverse the roles and ask myself how she would react if I were doing the same thing. Would she react calmly? Would she go completely bananas?
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Infidelity Checklist
Hmm I wonder... I have a few questions for you.
1. How old are you/her?
2. How long did she date the ex was he her first love?
3. How did you meet her?
4. What would you rate her and yourself on a scale 1-10?
5. Do you two toss around the L word to each other and does she say it more or less than you?
6. How many times a week do you two have s€x and has the frequency changed?
7. Where did she meet the ex and how close do you two live from him?
8. Has her work schedule changed over the last few weeks and has she grown more distant?
9. Does she keep her phone locked and do you know the code?
10. What does she/you do for a living?
Hmm I wonder... I have a few questions for you.
1. How old are you/her?
2. How long did she date the ex was he her first love?
3. How did you meet her?
4. What would you rate her and yourself on a scale 1-10?
5. Do you two toss around the L word to each other and does she say it more or less than you?
6. How many times a week do you two have s€x and has the frequency changed?
7. Where did she meet the ex and how close do you two live from him?
8. Has her work schedule changed over the last few weeks and has she grown more distant?
9. Does she keep her phone locked and do you know the code?
10. What does she/you do for a living?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.