Recovering life wreck #<insert some big ass number>

[Pipe12]

Alright I need some genuine help here... I've had some real problems in my life because I'm on disability, I'm 27, financially poor, so that I live with relatives (I rent out a basement appartment thats nice and finished) so that I can save money. I have my own seperate apartment in the bottom finished portion of the house, but no car. Right now I'm working on going back to school and getting my **** together so I pull myself out of the place I am at right now... But...

Here's my 'short' life story thus far, I never planned my life at all and I never expected to live as long as I have so I never took responsibility for myself because I didn't think I'd be alive this long. Now this year I lost a **** tone of weight and I had some huge ego boosts after meeting some girls online, I met this really super gorgeous girl who's as poor as me but not quite anywhere near as f'd up, anyway... That sort of pulled me out of that depressed state I had been in many years prior, and readjusted my perspective and got me thinking about girls again. But I'm not sure if it's worth my time to chase girls at this point or just stick on the path self improvement. Either way I before I came out of it I had cut off all my social contact from the world since I wasn't planning to be in it that long, so now I need some suggestions to help get me on the right path.

So some questions for you guys and gals:

1) Should I even bother looking for girls at this crappy financial place in my life, with no car and living with relatives?

2) What are the odds I'll get to continue to see someone even just short term when a) I don't have a car and b) still live with
relatives c) I'm on disability?

3) How should I go about looking for women? Where's good places to practice? I live in a smallish town (~15K population). What should I go for given my situation?? i.e. agewise or doesn't matter?

4) Strategies to meet people in bars/whatever, when I have only been to a bar/club a few times? It's not my kinda place to meet people but like I should say that when I haven't been socially active at all. I need to meet more people and friends, and not just girls. What are some good places? I'd be going alone most likely since I have none now, would that drive people away from me? How do you guys you break into a new scene when you've moved somewhere new, are by yourself and need to find new friends?

5) In terms of finding new friends, will people want to hang around me knowing where I'm at in my life? Should I lie about my situation to keep from shooting myself in the foot? Should I even bother attempting to make friends considering my situation or just keep on the path of independence and financial (and otherwise) self-improvement?

It's not that I don't like people I'm just more naturally a lone wolf and don't have the "social instincts" others do. Like the girl I met 2 weeks ago who came up to see me, she's a social animal ad has to go out and be around people. I don't have those instincts other chicks and guys have, in that they **need** to be around others a lot and are out every weekend. It seems a lot of people get easily down when they are not out with people, like people pick them up, for me it's the reverse, I'm better when I'm by myself, and being around people overall drags me down, I'm definitely willing to work to change that as I know thats just my base personality thing happenning, it wants to go to its default state.

I'm fine with girls I meet over the net where we get to talk first, I *always* develop rapport with the ones that mesh with me and we always end up having fun. I filter out those you don't have anything in common with then we meet and they always want to get it on (sex) usually always right away. If I could actually find girls on the net in my home town I wouldn't be writing this, but since not many are on from where I live I am forced to get out there but I'm kinda at a loss where to start.

I'm mature so I'm not afraid to say hi to people but I kinda need to be lead about what to ask and what not to ask, and how to gauge interest, is being direct too weird for girls? If I just went up and talked for a bit and said "I'm new here and I'd like to meet some new friends can I have your email/number?" would that as weird?

Really I wouldn't mind just going up to a girl and asker her flat out to come home with me... haha, but I need to get the vibe going and rapport. Practice social skills and make sure I create the right situation so she's with it.

The thing is it's keepin the convo going thats draining for me, its not that I'm afraid to talk, its preventing the situation from flattening out and her getting bored.

I'm curious whether or not I should just forget about gals for a while and just focus on improving me and getting some guy friends. The only problem is I don't know where to start looking for new guy friends to hang with since I cut my friends loose a long time ago.

Leave a comment or PM, if you want to know more details then PM. I know I've totally f'd up my life the only thing is I need a little direction on what I should be focusing on and whether or not I should just cease attempting to find people until I'm in a better place.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good post and thanks for the information.

YES, you should be dating women or at least trying to date them. Life is a journey full of ups and downs. On this path many things can happen. In the past I've tried to segment out my life: I won't get serious with a gal until I complete X; or now I can date girls because I got Y job, and so forth.

That plan never has worked out for me. Plan your life, but also take advantage of the opportunities presented to you.

One benefit of having no money right now is if you tell women this, you will find a true one who likes you for who you are and not something else ... whoops, flashback to the 1940's and 50's there, when women looked at things like integrity and class first. But honestly, yes, you will find a quality woman if you're open to them about your situation.

Not sure if you've gone to college or not, but many kids in college are poor and they would be empathetic to your situation. Community colleges have students of all ages as do commuter schools, I'd look there first if you want to avoid the 18-22 Greek life/party set.

Church is another good place to find quality women, though I've rarely had luck in such a venue. But people tell me that's where it's at to meet quality women.

I'd definitely forge ahead in meeting women. You can work on self-improvement and meeting other friends as well as women at the same time.

You sound like a wise, honest person. Show those qualities and you'll meet some quality people -- hopefully. Hang in there!

* I've lived in small towns most of my life, so understand the very small pool you're dealing with. Online might help broaden your options.

 

[Heretolearn]

Good post!

THank you for sharing. I thoroughly recommend the DJ bible. It really helped me!

I do not suggest 'looking' for women. Treat yourself well!. Opportunities shall present themselves naturally and you should go for them. You have NOTHING TO LOSE! Use all this negative feelings of having no money no car etc and realise you have the greatest advantages of all!. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE!

Really read the bible though and realise only you can make you happy. The girl can be fun but no one is 'your saviour' in your life.

Now go out and have fun and let us know how you do!

 

[ElChoclo]

The phrase "chasing girls" is one which I don't think you should use. You are creating a mindframe of pursuit and I don't think you have the personality for it.

If money was a prerequisite for being with women evolution would have ensured that men were born with a bank account, and therefore it is not a sufficient or even a necessary condition.

Smalltown? I don't know what your disability is, but if you are mobile to some extent, and you can afford the outlay maybe taking up some dance lessons wouldn't hurt. You would meet women in a no pressure situation, learn some skills and you wouldn't have to worry about developing a reputation for "chasing women" as they will be standing there with their arm around you.

If you are working your way up from the bottom, sometimes some motivation does wonders and a nice woman can be very motivating. So don't wait until you have reached some ill defined position. Like the motivation books says, some people want to wait for every light to turn green before they drive off on a journey. Don't wait.

 

[Wyldfire]

Your post reminds me of this adorable and sweet young couple I met quite a few years ago. He had Frederichs Ataxia and they didn't expect him to live much beyond his teen years. He ended up in a wheelchair and lost use of his legs. He used to go to a regional children's hospital for treatments and what not. He met a young Puerto Rican girl who had mild Cerebral Palsy. Both of their minds were very sharp and they were about the same age. When they became adults they got married and moved into a supported living apartment. He coached pee wee basketball and served on the board of directors of a local charity foundation. They had a baby and were very much in love and were wonderful parents. They stayed active and always did their best to overcome barriers thrown in their paths that might discourage them from living a full and happy life.

There's no reason at all why you can't have a full and happy life as well. Where there is a will, there is a way and you will ONLY fail if you quit. Don't quit.

There is someone out there for you just as there was someone out there for the young man in my story. You just have to go get it...