Reconciliation after half a year?

[tomato]

Do any of you have experience of getting back together with an ex after an extended period of time?

Spare me the advice to move on - I'm dating two girls at the same time and working out etc - this is just out of interest.

So I posted my story a while ago, basically BU 7months ago because of circumstances where I had initially not paid her enough attention/love and then when she started acting up I acted beta, like a wuss. Then I played it cool got myself back together and we were basically dating again after 3 months NC - then I messed it up when I said I didnt want to be friends.....

Then I did a few more things after that which let her put me in the chasing frame - we had agreed to meetup but she didnt text me - I texted her 2 times....no response - been 3 weeks NC since......the weather is getting really nice now..... thought it might be cool just to give an open ended text asking her if she wants to join me in the park?

views? - I dont see many more weeks NC being that beneficial - and she'll going on holiday in a month

 

[betheman]

Spare me the advice to move on - I'm dating two girls at the same time and working out etc - this is just out of interest.....

.... thought it might be cool just to give an open ended text asking her if she wants to join me in the park?

views? - I dont see many more weeks NC being that beneficial - and she'll going on holiday in a month

seems you only want a reply which says what you want to hear. she has probably moved on, has other guys balls deep in her. she hasnt replied to some of your texts, why are you bothered?

 

[bigneil]

My recent poll suggests that about 60% of ex-girlfriends come back for sex at least 3 months after the breakup.

I've had many women come back. It's like this:

1) You meet and have strong chemistry.
2) You have a great relationship of increasing intensity.
3) Her interest level peaks and then declines (or yours does) and you breakup, often suddenly.
4) Time of bitterness where she is unapproachable (seeing someone else).
5) Time when you both move on and eventually reminisce.
6) After all the bitterness is gone, you simply think of them as some hot ex you once liked having sex with - you don't even remember the last argument.
7) They randomly show up (never when expected or planned on).
8) It's instant sex - you pick up right where you left off and can even reveal your passion of unrequited love from before, but more playfully this time.
9) They might want a commitment or to move in right away.
10) The relationship can be better as long as there was no major breach of trust before (i.e. you never had a commitment to begin with). But you're probably over her by then.
11) You will be immune to her charms this time, and she to yours as well most likely. She had to have really liked you the first time to have a chance (i.e. she had orgasms).
12) Chances are it won't work out UNLESS you have improved in some major way (lost 20 lb, new job, more mature, had a better girl since, etc.) - but as a DJ you have.

This is especially true for women who you had sex with when they were in their teenage years returning at age 21-22 when they get their first wrinkle.

 

[tomato]

seems you only want a reply which says what you want to hear. she has probably moved on, has other guys balls deep in her. she hasnt replied to some of your texts, why are you bothered?

I know she has had sex with other guys as I have had sex with other girls - no big deal - have you only gone out with virgins betheman?

I just see her as another possible plate, and a good plate that can cook well and knows exactly what I want in everyway and with whom I had a good time with.... dont see why I shouldn't game her like any other plate?

if anything it would just be interesting

Basically I'm asking how would you game in this case.......

 

[tomato]

Awesome post thanks - someone that actually answers the question!

My recent poll suggests that about 60% of ex-girlfriends come back for sex at least 3 months after the breakup.

what do you mean by at least 3 months? usually longer?

I've had many women come back.

Yes you see I think it is quite common actually - people overlook this - I just want to make sure I dont miss an opportunity - and I am pretty sure she will be back


It's like this:

1) You meet and have strong chemistry.
2) You have a great relationship of increasing intensity.
3) Her interest level peaks and then declines (or yours does) and you breakup, often suddenly.
4) Time of bitterness where she is unapproachable (seeing someone else).
5) Time when you both move on and eventually reminisce.
6) After all the bitterness is gone, you simply think of them as some hot ex you once liked having sex with - you don't even remember the last argument.
7) They randomly show up (never when expected or planned on).

How long has this taken in your experience?

8) It's instant sex - you pick up right where you left off and can even reveal your passion of unrequited love from before, but more playfully this time.
9) They might want a commitment or to move in right away.
10) The relationship can be better as long as there was no major breach of trust before (i.e. you never had a commitment to begin with). But you're probably over her by then.
11) You will be immune to her charms this time, and she to yours as well most likely. She had to have really liked you the first time to have a chance (i.e. she had orgasms).

well obvs she did........

12) Chances are it won't work out UNLESS you have improved in some major way (lost 20 lb, new job, more mature, had a better girl since, etc.) - but as a DJ you have.

Yep I can see this

This is especially true for women who you had sex with when they were in their teenage years returning at age 21-22 when they get their first wrinkle.[/QUOTE]

she's 22 was with her from 19....

So you think I need to stay in NC? will a non needy text about getting stuff be too much in the chasing frame (since she didnt reply to two texts 3 weeks ago)?

keep in mind I have changed A LOT and am spinning two other plates with a few other possibilities - would be uneedy - also she wanted sex FAST when we met up again after the 3 months NC - suggests there was something

Anyone started seeing an ex as a plate again after this long? Did you leave it totally up to her to get in contact - or did you initiate something?

 

[Gray The Prince]

I was negging and reported a troll and I negged OP on accident. I'll restore your reps later. Sorry

 

[st_99]

i really wish i could convince young guys to NEVER go back to an ex. and it doesn't have anything to do with getting rejected again or or
stupid sh!t like that, its just a detriment to your personal growth.

but i know nobody listens, they have to experience it before they say, 'yeah, you were right'

 

[bigneil]

If they do come back it's usually a year or longer later. By that point she's grown up a bit and you're no longer emotional about it so the relationship and feelings have been rebooted. It's ok to try again then, especially if she shows up at your door randomly and wants to have sex.

 

[st_99]

If they do come back it's usually a year or longer later.

my ex came back exactly 1 year later almost to the day.

 

[tomato]

The thing is, theres nothing you can do but stay NC:

is that really all i can do? you think even an off hand "hey im going x want to join me?" or even just send her an email with a youtube video she'd like? ask her how she is?

 

[tomato]

my ex came back exactly 1 year later almost to the day.

wow - i could see that maybe happening if I dont make any more mistakes...I can see wy a year makes sense - our lives have a yearly cycle - holidays, new term - therefore new friends and new outlook etc...makes sense

Were you full NC all the time - care to elaborate please>?

 

[Desdinova]

Lemme think about the ex's I went back to...

#1) Dumped her because she p1ssed me off. I went back to her 2 years later because I had nobody to date. Dumped her again because she p1ssed me off.

#2) Dated her for 2 months. She dumped my ass. A year later, she wanted me back. I hesitantly accepted. Got engaged, moved in together, relationship lasted for almost 4 years. She dumped my ass. Took her out on a date 9 years later. Remembered all her personality disorders and never went back out with her.

#3) Dated for 2 months. She p1ssed me off so I ended it although she wanted to remain in contact. 9 months later she becomes my fvck buddy.

So as you can see from my successful track record, it's totally worth going back to an ex

 

[drellum]

I know she has had sex with other guys as I have had sex with other girls - no big deal - have you only gone out with virgins betheman?

I just see her as another possible plate, and a good plate that can cook well and knows exactly what I want in everyway and with whom I had a good time with.... dont see why I shouldn't game her like any other plate?

if anything it would just be interesting

Basically I'm asking how would you game in this case.......

I asked the very same question a few weeks ago.
I have moved on and have a different philosophy on relationships these days. The "plates" theory is working out just fine for me and i like the excitement and diversity of having quite a few GF's (Wish I'd worked this one out years ago).
Anyway, Because of my ex's set of personal circumstances, she will be alone for the foreseeable future and I wouldn't mind having her in the game.
It's only been 3 months since our BU and I have been in NC for most of that time....although we are still on good terms.
Now i'm not talking about cynically using anybody. I have been up front with all of the GF's and i would be with the ex.

D

 

[Jariel]

Spare me the advice to move on - I'm dating two girls at the same time and working out etc

Yet clearly you haven't moved on. That's the best way to get your ex back, and yet you haven't really tried it yet.

Getting other girls while you're still pining for an ex is not moving on. There's more to it than just mind games; it's about getting her off that pedestal, getting your own head together, making some improvements and so if and when you ever meet again, you're in the right frame of mind to make it work.

I've had exes come back to me. But that's because I'd had NO contact with them for a year or near enough, and when they saw me after that time I was a new and improved person. I looked better, I was a lot more chilled and although I was friendly towards them, I made no suggestions I wanted more. It was them who propositioned me.

 

[st_99]

wow - i could see that maybe happening if I dont make any more mistakes...I can see wy a year makes sense - our lives have a yearly cycle - holidays, new term - therefore new friends and new outlook etc...makes sense

Were you full NC all the time - care to elaborate please>?

yeah, was full NC because she had a new boyfriend so to me it was totally over and it was time to just move on. Although in my mind i knew this new guy was so beneath me and she dumped me mainly because i treated her like sh!t, which was true. We were both
immature and had a lot of growing up to do (low to mid 20's).

we had mutual friends is basically how she wormed her way back into my life.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You do know your next girl is always better then the old one. So why would you go back?

 

[bigneil]

It's not going back if you never went forth. Why did we expect this woman to commit to us for the rest of her life? We needed to set realistic expectations about her to start with.

 

[tomato]

yeah, was full NC because she had a new boyfriend so to me it was totally over and it was time to just move on. Although in my mind i knew this new guy was so beneath me and she dumped me mainly because i treated her like sh!t, which was true. We were both
immature and had a lot of growing up to do (low to mid 20's).

we had mutual friends is basically how she wormed her way back into my life.

Oh yes I can see having mutual friends must have helped a lot!

did it bother you that she still hung out with guys that had banged her? How long you with her for the first second times?

 

[tomato]

Do any of you have experience of getting back together with an ex after an extended period of time?

Spare me the advice to move on - I'm dating two girls at the same time and working out etc - this is just out of interest.

So I posted my story a while ago, basically BU 7months ago because of circumstances where I had initially not paid her enough attention/love and then when she started acting up I acted beta, like a wuss. Then I played it cool got myself back together and we were basically dating again after 3 months NC - then I messed it up when I said I didnt want to be friends.....

Then I did a few more things after that which let her put me in the chasing frame - we had agreed to meetup but she didnt text me - I texted her 2 times....no response - been 3 weeks NC since......the weather is getting really nice now..... thought it might be cool just to give an open ended text asking her if she wants to join me in the park?

views? - I dont see many more weeks NC being that beneficial - and she'll going on holiday in a month

NO more people with exp in this area?

Essentially gaming an ex - no input?

 

[tomato]

Yet clearly you haven't moved on. That's the best way to get your ex back, and yet you haven't really tried it yet.

Getting other girls while you're still pining for an ex is not moving on. There's more to it than just mind games; it's about getting her off that pedestal, getting your own head together, making some improvements and so if and when you ever meet again, you're in the right frame of mind to make it work.

I've had exes come back to me. But that's because I'd had NO contact with them for a year or near enough, and when they saw me after that time I was a new and improved person. I looked better, I was a lot more chilled and although I was friendly towards them, I made no suggestions I wanted more. It was them who propositioned me.

thanks for this input - I can see how you are right! How did you meet them after a year? It seems a little unlikely that you wouldnt see them for a whole year and then coincidentally they show up>