Rebuilding social life after a breakup

[jhonny9546]

When we enter a relationship, whether romantic or friendship, we step into a "new world," a new social circle made up of family, cousins, friends, etc.
As sociable people, we naturally form close bonds with these individuals, especially if there’s mutual respect and shared interests. These connections can feel like a “second family.”


But when a romantic relationship ends, we often have to leave that circle.
How do you maintain realtionships with people from that circle after a breakup, whether single or in a new relationship? How do you avoid being dependent on these friendships for social security and connection, and start over?
Considering that modern relationships are often short-lived and social circles are “blended" and there are "extended families", relying too much on the people you meet through a partner, even warm and caring one, can be risky.


What strategies and tools do you use to rebuild your social life after losing these connections, so you don’t feel “socially broken”?
I mean, what do you have at the center, at the core of it, that you "use" after going trought this?

 

[BaronOfHair]

What strategies and tools do you use to rebuild your social life after losing these connections, so you don’t feel “socially broken”?

-Try really hard to maintain your social connections, once you've gone exclusive, and encourage your woman to similarly NOT lean on you alone. Venting is something she needs to do in the company of her girlfriends

-Remember that FEELINGS aren't inherently factual, and often times highly overrated. "I'm socially broken" is a THOUGHT which generates emotional agony. Thoughts are wonderful, in that once we bring them into conscious awareness, we can investigate them for their truthfulness, by asking questions such as:


"What evidence am I basing the assertion "I'm socially broken" on? Does the fact that I've recently lost half my social circle automatically prove that I'm socially broken, or are there alternative explanations for this occurrence? Such as the fact that I met all these folks when I was a devout Mormon, and I've recently and openly begun questioning whether or not Moroni spoke to Joe Smith"

 

[ValiantMale]

One of the major circles that I had to leave after a breakup, that whole circle kinda crumbled after I left. Everyone started being at each others necks eventually and just growing distant, some people moved out of state, etc.

I don't look back or try to connect with those same people especially because I'm sure some of those guys wanted to sleep with the girl I dated after I was left and always saw me as competition adn a threat when it came to new women coming around our friend group. (some of the girls that we'd all meet would just be into me, not something I could have helped), and some of the female friends in the group seemed were cooler but also started to feel like i grew distant from them when i started dating X person ..

Its more about looking forward man. I just knew in my heart I would make new friends and be totally fine. And for the most part that was true. Though as I got older, I got more independant rather than relying on a bunch of friends.

DO I miss my old friends? Heck yeah we hadsome great times together man.. but I think theres nothing of substance there anymore.

As far as tips: just put yourself out there, be genuine, be likeable, interact with people, ask people to go to cool sh,t --or in my case, go to the cool stuff people invite you too, etc.

 

[Borknagar]

It's hardest when you're in your 40s and never had much of a social circle in the first place. Most weekends I hang out at home by myself. Trying to find a social circle after a certain age is pointless for men.

 

[jhonny9546]

Trying to find a social circle after a certain age is pointless for men.

There are other people your age, so I think it's wrong.
If you make friends at 11, why can't you make friends at 51 and create a circle?

 

[Jor-El]

There are other people your age, so I think it's wrong.
If you make friends at 11, why can't you make friends at 51 and create a circle?

You can of course,there are ways and means,but lets not pretend its not harder...at 11 you are at school and surrounded by kids,no doubt there were kids on your street you hung around with..unless you had some sort of odd loner thing going on,at that age you cant help but make friends. fast forwards 40 yrs, you arnt generally surrounded by hundreds of other kids like at school,you`d look a bit weird just hanging about in the streets like you used to as a kid/teen,throw in the fact that everybody sort of unconsciously "closes off" to new things/experiences/people (even if you are aware of this!) even to a small or larger degree. So yep,you can makes friends at anytime but it is harder the more laps round the earth you do

 

[Borknagar]

There are other people your age, so I think it's wrong.
If you make friends at 11, why can't you make friends at 51 and create a circle?

I've tried, it's a waste of time. I never thought I'd say this but women now are easier than male friends. It's crazy.

 

[jhonny9546]

women now are easier

By this, do you mean only a certain category of women, or women who are engaged, married, with children, or anything else?

Single women might find it easier simply to address the cost of living:
in company, you spend less.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

It's hardest when you're in your 40s and never had much of a social circle in the first place. Most weekends I hang out at home by myself. Trying to find a social circle after a certain age is pointless for men.

I don't agree. Hobbies is where it's at.

I'm mostly a bit of a loner, but I've always fished. If I feel like hanging out with guys and got nobody to hang out with go fishing alone and just talk to random guys also out fishing.

If they are cool , I'll get there number and start fishing with them on the regular.

its a bit different from when you are a kid, but it's quite easy to make friends through shared
hobbies and shared interests.

 

[Gamisch]

I've tried, it's a waste of time. I never thought I'd say this but women now are easier than male friends. It's crazy.

This is because most men live in a bubble that's guaranteed to get popped by one or more women, leaving them traumatized for life.

Women on the other hand will always "follow their feelz" if you get what I'm saying..best example: a woman don't care how you met her: apps, approach, the bar, social circle, speed date ect. But a man puts more value into actually conquering a woman giving the start of the relationship a more exclusive vibe, feeling like he and only he could've conquered said woman.

-So a woman, no matter her age, will ALWAYS long to have a warm body next to her.
-while men mostly lived life sleeping alone.



One of the most underrated lessons in this space; don't betray your friends for p00sy!! You will get severe punishment from the b1tch called life.